The Kitchen Table: Father's Day....

Hi,

As I write we are coming up on Father’s Day and although I am sure very little to no men who join us at the kitchen table I really wanted to spend this blog highlighting dads. Every year in May you see all the advertisements for Mother’s Day. Florist and restaurants are over loaded with customers. Many churches are packed and some have messages tailored to celebrate mothers and women. There are churches that even handout roses or carnations to all the mothers. As a mom of course I love every moment of it but what about the dads? So today I want to get on my soap box and spend some time pumping up dads.

Like some of you I had some dad issues. My own father left my mom when I was 2 and truth is, he was not the most dedicated father. He would not show up when he was supposed to. He promised things and did not come through. I remember waiting all day for him to pick me and my three siblings up to go to an amusement park. I kept going back and forth to my front door looking for his car to turn the corner and it never did. Please do not feel bad for me because I am so over this. It is because I have no animosity towards my father that I can freely share this. But there is no denying that as a result of the events in my life I began to get bitter and mistrusting of men. The first one was my dad. I began to speak to him in a very disrespectful manner and was determined not to need him for anything. As we became adults he apologized and gave all credit to my mom for us growing up so well. I remember when he was apologizing thinking with my Christian, saved, sanctified self “Whatever man!” I had a lot of hurt and I needed healing

One of the first steps of my healing came from a man who came to speak at Lincoln University. I am not sure what his topic was, but this older African American male said something that began to change my thinking. Let me back up a minute. While on campus it was not strange for me to call guys a name of the canine nature... I spoke it freely and with conviction. I really believed that all men were dogs and those who were not completely dogs had doggish tendencies. Well this man said that women should stop speaking that over our men. He said that even though some of our young men and older ones too behave in ways that are not honorable that every time we call them this name we are perpetuating the behavior. It may not have impacted the other females there but my friend and I decided that from that day forward we would not refer to our male counterparts as dogs. And I never did again. Not using the term was more than an outward thing but I began to see some good in the guys around me and started to expect good until shown otherwise.

The second step to healing came from a teaching book by Charles Stanley. He taught in this book about forgiveness. I learned that when I do not forgive I relinquish power to the enemy, the devil. I received revelation on how much I have been forgiven. What audacity I had not to forgive. I also found out that unforgiveness causes bitterness which affects every part of your being. I made a decision to forgive my dad. I was not comfortable calling him and saying what needed to be said so I improvised. I got an empty chair and pretended he was sitting in front of me and them I began to share all my hurt with “him”. After purging I released and forgave him. It was not easy. I sat in my room and I cried like a baby. After that day I still had to fight the urge to hold a grudge. In fact when I was planning my wedding twelve years ago I was not going to let him walk me down the aisle. The Holy Spirit got a hold of me and yes he did walk me down the aisle and I am glad he did. Of course there were other things that helped heal my broken heart but the ones mentioned had the biggest impact. God has done a great work on me.

I think about my own husband. He works hard everyday so I can stay home with our kids. After driving an hour to get home he does not just sit in a chair and zone out in front of the television, he takes the boys, plays with them, puts them to bed and cleans the kitchen. Brian prays with our sons, teaches them and disciplines when necessary. He is a great example of a godly man to our two children. There are many men out there that have busy work schedules yet they find time to be coaches, mentors and youth leaders. All men who are not with the mothers of their children are not dead beat dads; they are totally involved in every aspect of their children’s lives. They love their kids and are taking care of them financially, emotionally and spiritually the very best they can.

The greatest thing is that no one is left out because we have God, the Father. He is the best Daddy of them all. He loves us according to Jeremiah 31 with an everlasting love. In Isaiah 43 he calls us precious in his sight. He longs to take care of us. Jesus said in Matthew the 7th chapter. “If you then… know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask?”

I would like to challenge you sisters to begin to look for something to admire in the men in your life. It could be your mailman, just the fact that he is always respectful, goes the extra mile, and rings your doorbell when he leaves a rental movie in your door. When we purpose to look for good in people we will more than likely find it.

Let’s pray. "Father in Jesus name we thank You for being the best Father we could ever want. Thank You for looking after us and perfecting all those things that concern us. We bring all the fathers we know before You today. We ask that You would strengthen them with power and wisdom. We pray that they would walk in the light of Your Word and that they would walk worthy of You. We also ask that they would train their children up in the way they should go so that they will not depart from You and Your ways. Give them the tools necessary to raise their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord, and that these fathers will honor You and live a life that is pleasing to You so that their children and their children’s children will live. In Jesus’ name, Amen."