…….Surprise is putting it mildly. For an appetizer he ordered snails. Did I mention this was a French restaurant? That's right, those slimy slugs with shells. Yuck! I refused to even taste them, just the thought of that in my mouth made the tire under my breast hurt even more then it had. Plus I couldn't really drink anything and I wouldn't have been able to rinse the stuff down. Have you heard anywhere that he said I looked nice? That's because he didn't!!!! Well, as you have already guessed our date was starting off on the wrong foot, so to salvage what I could, I lied and said I was allergic to certain types of shellfish. Do snails fall under that? I wasn't sure but it sounded good and he bought it. Phew, I forgot how much fun dating could be! ~Sigh~
My napkin fell from my lap and when I bent over to pick it up, I head the most awful sound you could imagine. No, I didn't cut the cheese, even though it probably would have given me a little more room in those pants, what I heard were my beautiful silk pants ripping from the crotch all the way up the back to the top of the waste band. Lord, what do I do now? Remember the incident at home with the sweat messing up my makeup, I found myself there again.
Dinner was finally served and it proved to be good and safe. Only problem was the lobster in the salad, he thought I should pass with my allergies and all that, but as I had explained it was certain kinds of shellfish. He must have been a fool it he thought I was passing up lobster. See what a lie will do for you.
The evening was far from what I had allowed my mind to fantasize it would be the past few days. My date was not attentive at all. In fact all he did was talk about himself. Me, me, me, me, and more me! And just when I thought he couldn't tell me another thing about him, he started with his childhood years. Now I was told he was a Christian man who loved the Lord. I found him to be a man who only loved himself. I wanted to go home! As much as I love French pastries, I passed on dessert. My mouth was so dry and it felt like most of my food was still stuck in my chest, and to top it off my bladder was screaming," RELIEVE ME, NOW! I thought at that moment, "I've got to get out of here!"
I looked at my watch and mumbled something about an early appointment I had the next day. Prince charming was looking more and more like a frog to me. How do I get up with this split in my pants and prance across this huge dinning room? Oh, the heck with it, I no longer had the desire to impress this self-centered pompous fool sitting across from me. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I split my pants a little while ago and I need you to walk closely behind me so that no one will see." Now even the dumbest of men would have kept their mouth closed and agreed to help you, but not this one. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "That's what you get for wearing clothes that are at least one size to small for you." That was it! I didn't need his help, in fact I didn't care who saw my black shinny panty girdle, screaming through the tear in my pants....."Hey everybody, look at me!" I rose, told him to have a blessed life and left with my head held high. That was the only way to keep the tears back that again wanted to mess up my makeup.
It was dark by now and so I wasn't concerned that anyone could see the split outside as I waited for my car. With the extra room I now had in my pants it made it easy to jump in my car and speed away. "Men" I screamed, "Who needs them!" Those tears that had waited patiently all evening finally were allowed to have their way to flow freely, who cared about makeup now. I cried for 15 of the 25-minute drive and you would think that would have helped my bladder's insistence on being full. About 5 minutes from my house I started to pray for mercy and command my bladder to wait!!!!
As I ran up the steps to my home and frantically tried to unlock the 4 locks on my front door, my bladder announced very loudly...."I Am in Control NOW!" and with that, the flood gates opened and I stood on the porch and peed all over my brand new $75 mules, and down my imported Asian silk pants that cost way too much to mention. You would think I would have been dehydrated by then, but there were more tears to come. How could this night be such a horror, I've spent the last two weeks planning so hard for it? I practically starved myself and added two extra days at the gym. I faithfully did my facials 3 times a week, and never once feel asleep with makeup on. Spent money on a professional manicure, and shoes I will never wear again. How did this turn out so wrong?
After my shower I laid across my bed giving into more tears and asking the Lord why? He answered, "I told you not to go, but you wouldn't listen to Me." "I've told you to always be yourself, but you didn't listen to Me." "I’ve told you over and over that I love you just the way you are, but you refused to believe Me." I said, "It is My job to pick the man for you," but you wouldn't wait. "And even after all the many times that you ignored Me over the past few days to have your way, I still tried to spare you, by telling you to "Wear something else," and you ignored Me." "I hope you have learned the lesson, that when you leave Me out, you will never receive My best.
I pray that I have brought tears of laughter to your eyes as you read this. The story was fictional, factual, meaning…. I took a lot of different scenarios from the many years of dating before Christ and gleaned from them and embellished for the story. But the bottom line is we so often ignore the voice of God when He is saying something we don't want to hear, but be weary my dear sisters because the ending is not always as hilarious as a sitcom. When you hear the voice of God instructing you, Stop, Listen and Obey. Even if it is not what you want to hear, it could save your life.
If you missed Part 1 of "The Voice" it was posted March 3rd.
My napkin fell from my lap and when I bent over to pick it up, I head the most awful sound you could imagine. No, I didn't cut the cheese, even though it probably would have given me a little more room in those pants, what I heard were my beautiful silk pants ripping from the crotch all the way up the back to the top of the waste band. Lord, what do I do now? Remember the incident at home with the sweat messing up my makeup, I found myself there again.
Dinner was finally served and it proved to be good and safe. Only problem was the lobster in the salad, he thought I should pass with my allergies and all that, but as I had explained it was certain kinds of shellfish. He must have been a fool it he thought I was passing up lobster. See what a lie will do for you.
The evening was far from what I had allowed my mind to fantasize it would be the past few days. My date was not attentive at all. In fact all he did was talk about himself. Me, me, me, me, and more me! And just when I thought he couldn't tell me another thing about him, he started with his childhood years. Now I was told he was a Christian man who loved the Lord. I found him to be a man who only loved himself. I wanted to go home! As much as I love French pastries, I passed on dessert. My mouth was so dry and it felt like most of my food was still stuck in my chest, and to top it off my bladder was screaming," RELIEVE ME, NOW! I thought at that moment, "I've got to get out of here!"
I looked at my watch and mumbled something about an early appointment I had the next day. Prince charming was looking more and more like a frog to me. How do I get up with this split in my pants and prance across this huge dinning room? Oh, the heck with it, I no longer had the desire to impress this self-centered pompous fool sitting across from me. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I split my pants a little while ago and I need you to walk closely behind me so that no one will see." Now even the dumbest of men would have kept their mouth closed and agreed to help you, but not this one. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "That's what you get for wearing clothes that are at least one size to small for you." That was it! I didn't need his help, in fact I didn't care who saw my black shinny panty girdle, screaming through the tear in my pants....."Hey everybody, look at me!" I rose, told him to have a blessed life and left with my head held high. That was the only way to keep the tears back that again wanted to mess up my makeup.
It was dark by now and so I wasn't concerned that anyone could see the split outside as I waited for my car. With the extra room I now had in my pants it made it easy to jump in my car and speed away. "Men" I screamed, "Who needs them!" Those tears that had waited patiently all evening finally were allowed to have their way to flow freely, who cared about makeup now. I cried for 15 of the 25-minute drive and you would think that would have helped my bladder's insistence on being full. About 5 minutes from my house I started to pray for mercy and command my bladder to wait!!!!
As I ran up the steps to my home and frantically tried to unlock the 4 locks on my front door, my bladder announced very loudly...."I Am in Control NOW!" and with that, the flood gates opened and I stood on the porch and peed all over my brand new $75 mules, and down my imported Asian silk pants that cost way too much to mention. You would think I would have been dehydrated by then, but there were more tears to come. How could this night be such a horror, I've spent the last two weeks planning so hard for it? I practically starved myself and added two extra days at the gym. I faithfully did my facials 3 times a week, and never once feel asleep with makeup on. Spent money on a professional manicure, and shoes I will never wear again. How did this turn out so wrong?
After my shower I laid across my bed giving into more tears and asking the Lord why? He answered, "I told you not to go, but you wouldn't listen to Me." "I've told you to always be yourself, but you didn't listen to Me." "I’ve told you over and over that I love you just the way you are, but you refused to believe Me." I said, "It is My job to pick the man for you," but you wouldn't wait. "And even after all the many times that you ignored Me over the past few days to have your way, I still tried to spare you, by telling you to "Wear something else," and you ignored Me." "I hope you have learned the lesson, that when you leave Me out, you will never receive My best.
I pray that I have brought tears of laughter to your eyes as you read this. The story was fictional, factual, meaning…. I took a lot of different scenarios from the many years of dating before Christ and gleaned from them and embellished for the story. But the bottom line is we so often ignore the voice of God when He is saying something we don't want to hear, but be weary my dear sisters because the ending is not always as hilarious as a sitcom. When you hear the voice of God instructing you, Stop, Listen and Obey. Even if it is not what you want to hear, it could save your life.
If you missed Part 1 of "The Voice" it was posted March 3rd.
Love & Hugs
Ponnie
I will see you next week at my regularly schedule slot on Wednesday, March 17th.
Ponnie
I will see you next week at my regularly schedule slot on Wednesday, March 17th.
Friday's Blog: Will be a surprise writer so be sure to tune in!
3 comments:
Great story Ponnie!
A hilarious story with many truths, thanks you for sharing. Still think you could write a book.
Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it. And Quilted Treasures...I'm working on it..LOL!!!
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