During the week between Christmas and New Year's, I received
what I thought at the time…bad news. I say, “At the time,” because as it turned
out it was not bad news, just not what I wanted to hear.
January of 2015, I turned 62. This translated into many new benefits
and one of them, affordable housing for seniors. My sister, who is a real
estate broker, gave me several leads to the best management companies, websites
and nice areas to move. It was an exciting time! Well, for a minute it was. The
waiting lists are long. Some of them are so long; they are not even accepting applications.
I mean we are talking 7 years long.
What I thought might be an easy endeavor turned into work
and proved to be time consuming. But, I waded through it all and found places
and areas I thought I might like to live, put in applications and began the
wait. Well, after 10 months I was contacted by a place I really wanted to
live.
Yippee! So, I
thought.
To make a long story as short as possible (without leaving
the important stuff), there was a lot of back and forth. The original contact
letter was forwarded from my old address, not to me, but my oldest daughter.
Calls were made, and new contact information mailed. My daughter called me
about 2 weeks later with a message to call the manager of this place. She had
contacted her (emergency contact) because she was trying to set up an
appointment with me and said, “I hung up on her.”
No! This did not happen.
Called and we setup an interview. After about a week I hadn’t
received the confirmation letter with the list of what I needed to bring. Called
left messages for 3 days and finally spoke with the manager, who told me she
never received the new contact info and had sent everything to my old address—again.
Yes, we rescheduled and she took my current information.
Needless to say, the day of the interview, I called to make sure I would be
able to park in their lot, and the assistant advised me the manager had been
out sick for a couple of days and my appointment was not in her book.
Really!
I was reassured I would be rescheduled and hear from her
next week. Well, it never happened. And I called the week of Christmas—she didn’t
get back to me. I called the week of New Years, and she had her assistant tell
me a story, which I knew was not true, due to previous conversations.
When I hung up, a wave of disappointment, confusion and self-pity
all showed up at once! My eyes watered and my soul was embarking on a good cry,
when I quickly made the decision to remember that God was in control! And if
this was the place for me, everything would have gone through. One tear fell,
and that was it.
You see, I really want to move. And God knows I want to
move. He also knows I have struggled with Him moving me to where I now live.
And the reason I have not totally faltered in all of this is, I believe with
all my heart (most days) that He is working it all together for my good. I don’t
know how He is doing it, or why it has to be this way—but I still believe.
Not only is this senior building beautiful, it is in a
lovely suburban neighborhood I once lived in before. Sisters, I really wanted
to move there. But now, not so much! I still love the area, but I have had too
many encounters with a manager who is not the most honest person and she doesn’t
handle her business well. And even with this knowledge, I still have to
fight to stand in faith that God is working it out and He has a better plan.
Are any of you in this same type of predicament? Are you
waiting for things to change? Are you hoping that today will be the day, only
to climb into bed a little disappointed because it wasn’t? Do you sometimes
struggle to wake to a new day, with a heart of gratitude, versus one of sadness
and disappointment?
Yes, it is easier to quote, “Give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” then to actually live it. (I
Thessalonians 5:18) It can be a knockdown, drag out fight to praise God when it
seems He has forgotten you. And remembering that though our enemy may mean it
for evil, God will use it for good, can
be almost impossible on any given day.
The key to any problem we may have—is trusting God. Fighting
the good fight of the faith, is how we make it! (I Timothy 6:12 CJB)
But there’s a reason some of us are not having victory in
our lives. We simply don’t know the God who knows what’s going on and why? Because we
don’t really know Him, we still find ourselves in the same place we were last
year, and the year before that. We struggle to believe. And instead of moving
forward (from faith to faith), we are moving backwards and losing ground. Trust is not easy.
My makeup can be a lot like Hannah. God closed her womb, and
because she desired a child so deeply, she moved to the place where she gave
Him what he desired of her all along. And thus we have the prophet Samuel.
Click to read (I
Samuel 1, NKJV)
There are times God has worked in me the same way—holding back
that which my heart wants only to give Him its place and move into what it is
He desires.
For some reason I have been under the delusion of me living
a life of freedom and gaiety! But I am beginning to have a sneaky suspicion—it is
not going to go down like that.
I’m at the point of no more…why Lord?
How come Lord? Or when Lord?
It’s now—where are we going from here Lord? What is it that you want from me?
In order for us to put our trust in someone, we must know
them. And this is why; so many Believers are struggling in responding to life’s
curveballs. We don’t really know the One we say we trust. And are therefore suspect to what He says He will do.
Sure, most of us believe that God can do, but we are very
unsure if He will do it for us. It's difficult to wait if one is not sure.
With all our New Year’s resolutions and declarations—make getting
to know the One who Knows, a priority. And trust me—you will be able to holdout and wait. And, find some joy up in there too!
Read your Bibles!
Read your Bibles!
Today’s blog is the first of a 3 part series. Next week, “God
Knows!”
Until next week...
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