Complete in Him

Hello friends,

You have the distinct pleasure of reading three blogs from me this month. Don’t you feel special? And no I will not be talking about home schooling. You know there is more to my life than the kids, teaching the kids, feeding the kids and playing… Okay the kids are a very big part of my life but today I will be talking about my life prior to my kids. I was asked to speak to the unmarried women but I believe what I am going to share will speak to women unmarried and married alike.

As I sat at the laptop trying to figure out how much to share I realize that what I want most is to encourage all you that no matter what stage of life you are in you are complete in Him. That is what Colossians 2:10 says. You are complete in Jesus. Complete according to Webster’s dictionary means full, whole, entire, lacking no component part. Get it, God through Jesus has made us whole, complete, full, entire and lacking no component part. I am not trying to give you a sermon, instead I want to share that this is what God revealed to me in every stage of my life.

I had so many opportunities to gain understanding how God made me complete. Before dating and feeling like I needed a special someone to make me feel valuable. While I was dating and feeling like being married was the ultimate goal to making me feel worthy. Let me take a minute to elaborate on this time of my life.

Dating is great especially when you are in God. I had a great time hanging with Brian (of course it was Brian who did you think I was talking about huh?) We enjoyed each other’s company and respected each other’s independence. I was satisfied but between society, my own issues and even the church I still felt like marriage was what I needed to make me complete. Brian and I both went to graduate school, he went off to Illinois and I stayed in Philly. People asked me what I was going to do and if I was going with him. It was as if life as I knew it would be over because he was going away. Don’t get me wrong I cried like a baby at the train station and I missed him while he was gone but at 23 God had some work to do in me and I was not about to let anyone interfere.

I remember being about 24, 25 and almost at the end of grad school and being asked by a well meaning sister in the church what I wanted to do once finished school. I, with excitement shared with her what I was studying and what I planned to do when I was done. She responded by asking me when I was getting married. Are you SERIOUS? That’s what I wanted to say but instead I said I did not know. That stayed with me because it made me feel like no matter what my accomplishments were all that mattered was whether I was married. Here I am 24 the youngest of four raise by a single mother in what was considered one of the worst sections of Philadelphia, the first in my family to get a college degree and all she really cared about was when I was getting married. Are you kidding me? I am sure she did not know how this made me feel but that conversation stirred stuff in me that I had to fight to get rid of. It boosted that continuing feeling that I needed to be married to be of any worth.

I finished school, Brian came home and we continued to date. All around me however people were getting married. My college roommate, my sister and my best friend all got married within a one year time period. The kicker, I was in two of these weddings as maid of honor. Oh how I was frustrated. I did rejoice with them but I also whined to God about when my turn would come. Brian and I had already determined that it was God’s will for us to marry but when was another story. What made this worse was the difference in our personalities. Brian is the slow and steady type. He takes his time when making decisions and he is generally laid back. I on the other hand can be very quick to decide. I have been known to be aggressive and ambitious. So on one hand I was like come on let’s do this and he was like let’s take our time. Since those days however we have formed a great balance, PRAISE GOD!

Eventually after whining to God and bugging Brian and getting nowhere I believe divine intervention took over. I decided to have the best time being unmarried. I began to spend more quality time in God’s presence. I served at my church every chance I got. I hung out with my friends and simply had a ball. During this time God showed me that I was complete in Him. He made it clear to me that it was Him, not Brian that made me valuable and accepted. He also showed me that this mindset that the world gives of two half people coming together and becoming whole was not real. Marriage is for two whole people coming together to become one. So the writers of Jerry McGuire got it wrong, Brian does not complete me (and I do not complete him either).

Life was going along great. I was having a blast in the stage I was in but guess what happened? During the Christmas season of ’97 Brian asked me to marry him. I was very happy, but at the same time I felt like “DAG!” I was just getting the hang of this single life. This was my first lesson in being truly satisfied where you are before you can move to the next level. I had learned what I needed so now God could trust me to get married. We got married 10 months later but you need to know that this lesson came up again when I wanted to have my first child. Once again I whined to God about having a baby because somehow it was not enough to be married, life was not complete until I became a mommy. Well of course the Holy Spirit reminded me of the lesson previously learned and well the rest is history.

Why did I share all this with you because sometimes as women we need to be reminded of what God says about us. He says that we are “accepted in the beloved”(Ephesians 1:6) and we are “precious in His sight”(Isaiah 43:4 Instead of holding on to what God says we look for outside forces to make us feel whole. We gripe and complain about not having a boyfriend, a husband, a child, another child, longer hair, slimmer waistline and the list goes on. God says I am the only One who can give you value and make you whole. So my dear sisters in whatever stage of life you are in look to God and know that you are COMPLETE IN HIM!

Let’s pray. Father we come to You in the name of Jesus thanking You for how truly wonderful You are. We praise You and honor You. We declare that You are the only true and living God and we adore You. Father we thank You for this stage in our lives. Help us to experience Your love and live life to the fullest in Jesus’ name Amen.

Until we meet again be blessed!

Hugs and Kisses,
Cheryl
March 11th, Brian Mackey will write a special blog (the flip side of Cheryl's) for single women, from the man's perspective. It is going to be awesome ladies, and is part of "Living Single & Loving It" so please mark your calendars!!

Friday's Blog: Pamela Davis (our guest blogger) has written a blog that will inspire and encourage you as women no matter where you find yourself. Make sure you join us! You are going to be blessed for sure!

A Child’s Love Can Teach Us Much!

I think that being a parent is one of the best ways to learn about God’s love. Not just His love but His grace and mercy. My oldest daughter Zoe (11) helps me to remember God’s love for me and teaches me about how to display mercy and to be thankful for the grace that is provided daily. As Zoe gets older she further tests her limits daily. Now she does the typical 11 year old things like keeping a messy room or she loves to leave her clothing downstairs on the living room floor. I have learned over the years to pick my battles and know when I should get frazzled or just slightly dazed. However there are the times of daily disobedience, completely ignoring my instructions, or acting as if she did not fully understand my instructions. I find myself saying “I am sick and tired of telling you the same thing over and over again”. I always pause quietly to myself after saying this because I know that I have my moments of disobedience also but God never tells me that He is sick and tired. In fact he has never given up on me and never will.

I have to always remember that my children need to see God’s love through me. Does this mean that I don’t punish or correct my children? No. In fact in showing His love I must correct my children and that involves punishment and sometimes that includes the rod. The difference is that I must do it in love, not because I am frustrated or angry. (Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits. Colossians 3:21) If I do this out of those frustrations then God’s love is nowhere to be found. My children may not see it at the time but it’s important to take the time to explain why I have responded the way I have and how it will benefit them in the long run. Do I do this every time? No. I am still learning as I learn daily about God’s love for me.

I think the truest display of love is forgiveness. Children have a way of forgiving us when we make mistakes or have to ask for forgiveness for over reacting to their foolish behavior. We hold onto grudges, keep account of past wrongs, and say screw you to those who have hurt us, all of which goes against God’s command regarding loving one another. I love when my middle child Christina comes up to me, gives me a hug and a kiss and says “I love you mommy”. This makes my day especially after a long frustrating day. Just imagine how different the world would be if we would tell our neighbors (even those who hurt us) that we love them. That would be the ultimate display of God’s love and the world would not have half the issues that exist today.

I think of my daughter Christina when I think of love. Don’t get me wrong I love all my children but she has a special gift for displaying love. At the tender age of almost 5 she is forgiving, very loving, encouraging and always has God’s love on display. She can pick you up with a song, dance, or even a smile. I have even seen her forgive a friend who has done her wrong and desire to go back and play with her. I can say that I don’t display this level of God’s love but I strive too. Who says that we can’t learn from our children? I know that I have.


Peace & Love
Michele

See you Wednesday, February 24th for my next blog


Thursday's Blog: A special from Cheryl Mackey....for all women, but especially you single gals! You won't want to miss this. Make sure you tune in tomorrow!

Can A Family Of Many Be United As One?

When we first began fostering children, I could never have imagined that I would have the capacity to love another woman’s child; a child that had been neglected and/or abused would come with a lot of baggage. I wondered if I could be capable of caring and even loving a child that had so many problems. I prayed over it for a long time and the Lord sent his answer, he said, “YES!” I learned that if God calls you to do it then he surely will help you through it. God will also give you the ability and the skills necessary to perform the work that He has called you to do.

We were told as we adopted our children that there was no possible way a child who had been abused and neglected could become united and form a family. We were told that no matter what happened we would find that the different sibling groups would unite within the family and not allow any other child to be a part of their “little family”. These children, that we adopted and love so much, were never supposed to be capable of loving anyone or letting anyone close to them except for their very own blood siblings. YET---- when God puts a family together, He makes no mistakes. Let me give you a recent example…..

Today I was given an opportunity to see just how much an adoptive mother can love her children and just how close of a family we have actually become. This afternoon our family’s beloved dog, Maggie, was hit by a truck, she died within moments of it happening. Death is a reality that we all try to be prepared for and we try to teach and prepare our children for it too; however, when it comes knocking at our door, it is very hard to actually be prepared to deal with its aftermath.

Today as I sat on my driveway, holding the head of our most loved pet, tears streaming down my face and giving the children one last opportunity to hug her and to say goodbye, God allowed me a glimpse into what our family has become and what we are really all about. I watched as my older children took my younger children in their arms and hugged them. I watched as the older children carried the younger ones into the house and comforted each one by trying to give them something to smile about. I watched as the younger children leaned on the strength of their older siblings and I was never more proud of all of them.

After my husband and I had taken care of our sweet Maggie, I returned to the house to see how I was needed, the scene that greeted me was, to say the least, a miracle, according to the many professionals that had said we could never be united as a family. I walked into the play room to find all of the children huddled together talking, praying and trying to find the one word of comfort that would ease the heartache and to bring a halt to the tears. I listened as they told one another that Maggie was in heaven now with the many other pets that we had lost to death’s cruel clutches. I was amazed at the pictures being painted by each child, pictures of Maggie running in a field and playing with their Granddaddy, who had gone to be with the Lord just two years earlier. It amazes me; I don’t know why, at how a child copes with loss and how the Lord gives them the ability to glimpse right into heaven's window and see what we adults can no longer see.

In our family there are four sibling groups, we have two that do not have their siblings with them, they are two biracial children. We have children with physical, mental and learning disabilities, Autism, Asperger’s syndrome, Non-verbal learning disorder, severe ADHD, and Bipolar to name a few. Our family is not perfect by far, we are all sinners saved by grace YET---- we no longer judge one another by our disabilities, we no longer accept a disability as an excuse. We no longer see the color of the skin or the different sibling groups; we see one united family, a family that is joined together, not by the bonds of blood or genetics, BUT by the Love of God and the love and respect of one another. We see a family that has gone through the fires of hell and has come out as pure gold. We see a family that has learned, no matter what the trials or the temptations, we will never be alone, we will never hurt one another intentionally and we will always love one another no matter what the situation or where we are. We are united, we are one and we are a family.


God bless you all.
Rise’

Until Tuesday, February 23rd, enjoy your life!


Wednesday's Blog: Michele "Single Working Mom"

How Much Do I Love Thee?

Let me count the ways:

1. Written Cash Flow Plan
2. Will and/or Estate Plan
3. Debt Reduction Plan
4. Tax Reduction Plan
5. Emergency Funding
6. Retirement Funding
7. College Funding
8. Charitable Giving
9. Teach My Children
10. Life Insurance
11. Health Insurance
12. Disability Insurance
13. Auto Insurance
14. Homeowner’s Insurance

And you can top it all off with the following pledge:

I (We) ____________________________, (a) responsible adult(s), do hereby promise to take the above stated actions to financially secure the well-being of my (our) family and myself (ourselves).

(The above was adapted from Dave Ramsey’s Major Components of a Healthy Financial Plan)

OK, so maybe when you think of love, the above items are nowhere near the top of your list. But these are the things that need to be in place in order to love someone “financially.”

Think about it. Wouldn’t you feel loved if your family was able to live on a written cash flow plan, which then enabled you to save money in your emergency fund, which would then give you a sense of financial security? How about the peace of mind that you get knowing that your family has adequate insurance coverage? Or being able to send your children to college without them having to incur debt in order to receive that education?

You can love your loved ones well by having your financial house in order.

So how many of the above components of a healthy financial plan do you currently have in place? How many are you willing to add to your financial plan? They are all much-needed pieces to a financial puzzle that can only be complete once all of the pieces are in place.

I took the liberty of looking up the word love. And definition number 18 states that it means “to need or require; benefit greatly from.” The above list definitely includes the things that we need and can also benefit greatly from.

So I urge you all to love today; love in a way that you never imagined; LOVE FINANCIALLY!


Peace & Blessings
Sharon


Please join me on Monday, February 22nd, for my next blog.


Tuesday's Blog: Rise'....more on "The Wampler Zoo" Mother of 11 adopted children

Love is having to say……“It’s Not About Me!”

Remember the movie “Love Story” starring Ali Mac Graw and Ryan O’Neal. It had this famous line that helped jerks be more of a jerk but mostly shifted people further from what God’s love is. After having a fight and being locked out the house in the cold for sometime, when her husband (Ryan O’Neal) apologized to her, (Ali Mac Graw) her response was…”Love means never having to say you’re sorry!” And it spread like wild fire. Foolish women began to believe it and men began to dish it out. But the truth is….God’s love means you have to say you are sorry and make peace often times when it isn’t even your fault. Now that is love. So it came to mind to look at what “Love” does say. Though not popular, I’ve chosen to talk about how “Love means, It’s Not About Me!”

Our sin nature is “self”. In other words, me, me, and more me! But we were not created to serve us, but to serve the true and living God. God, the creator of heaven and earth. The God who loved us so much that He sent His only begotten Son (Yeshua) so that we might have life everlasting. (John 3:16) The God who thought it not robbery to leave heaven and become a servant for us. (Philippians 2:6-7) That same God who dwells within us, never leaving us or forsaking us. (Joshua 1:6 NIV) Yes, we are to be about the business of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. It’s not about what we want; it is all about, what does the Father want that I should do?

I want to take a moment to give a couple of different scenarios to make sure we are all on the same page. Please do not misinterpret what I am about to say, if the shoe fits wear it, and if it doesn’t don’t be upset, but just glean that which speaks to your heart.

There are many different reasons why single women want to be married, but we are just going to look at: I’m lonely, I’m not as happy as I could be, I won’t have to struggle as much financially. I’m lonely, therefore a husband will bring to me companionship and I won’t be lonely anymore. I’m not as happy, as I think I should be and a husband will fix that for me. My money, doesn’t stretch as far as I would like it to and a husband will change that for the better. Have you noticed that it is all about “Me’ in these 3 reasons, and nothing about the “Man?” What about “the husband?” What about his needs, what about your role as ‘wife’ according to God? So many young women are not looking at the real commitment of marriage, the covenant they will be entering into with God and this man. And it sure isn’t about this person catering to your needs, wants and desires.

Okay so now you are engaged, and “You” want a big fairy tale wedding, even though it may not be the wisest choice. Yet, “You” still expect your parents to give you this wedding (that you want) even if it proves to be a hardship on them. After all, “they owe it to You!”

Now you are married and things just are not going the way you thought they would. “You” are still lonely, “You” are not that happy, especially since things are not going “Your” way, and all those things “You” thought you would be able to buy, “Your” husband has said, “No” to! Why have you found yourself in this place? Because until we as women, (single, married, young, old, mothers, sisters, aunts, nieces, daughters, employees and friends) come to the realization that life is not about us, then we are always going to run into jams when it comes to the “Me” mentality.

The attitude of “Me, Myself and I” is a stumbling block and such a hindrance to our spiritual walk and relationship with God. Take Sunday morning service for instance, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard complaints about the service and how “I didn’t get anything out of it.” To me this means “you” came looking for something just for “you” but didn’t bring anything with “you” to contribute. “The praise and worship team didn’t sing one song that I like”. “Why did Pastor spend so much time praying over people?” “I wanted him to preach more.” Or, “He preached too long today, I needed to get out on time.” Where is our attitude of service for God? With the attitude of service then we can hear the Holy Spirit when He says, “Go tell your sister how nice she looks today.” “Give Mary over there a big hug.” “Please invite Sarah home with you for lunch and fellowship.” When we are focused on, “Me! What about Me?” then we are not as useful in God’s kingdom because it is not about Him so much as, “God, what have you done for “Me” lately?”

As parents we can be very selfish and all about “Me.” Just because you work every day and provide the things that the law requires for your children, does not make a good parent. Children need more than things. They need their parents and their attention! It seems this new generation thinks that buying things is it. What fun is having games if you always play them by yourself? That is what this new computer age has given us. Before computers it was board games and you needed at least one other person to play and have fun. There are a group of women (especially single moms) who feel they are missing out and they deserve to pursue their careers and or just have fun. You even have some women who dress themselves well and their children look like vagabonds. Why? “After all I work all day; I should at least look nice and have something for myself.” That is the wrong attitude, because for one, your children didn’t have a say in coming into this world, and you do owe them the very best that you can do for them. They deserve to have your attention, game night, movie night, help with homework (without screaming), outings, being read to, shopping together, watching TV together, eating dinner together, being listened to and the list goes on. It doesn’t matter that “you” are tired; you still have an obligation to them beyond that which you buy.

This blog has turned out to be 2 parts, because I would like to talk about how to begin to change your thinking through the Word of God and seeing how “Love” is about putting Him and others before us. Once we can truly start to get into our spirits that this life “Is not about Me!” then we begin to walk in a new found freedom. It is a freedom that is very liberating in a way that will change many aspects of your life no matter what your standing. If you are married, you will find that things you have struggled with for years will no longer be a problem for you. If you are single and unhappy, you will find joy in life. If you are single parenting, your family dynamics of chaos will become more peaceful. If you are caring for an elderly parent you will begin to see the blessing versus the struggle. A shift from “Me” to others changes our lives in such a way, that everything about it cannot always be expressed in words. But prayerfully the Holy Spirit will equip me to give it to you in such a way that the seeds planted will grow into that thing of beauty called “Freedom!”

For the next two weeks, every time you find yourself thinking “Me, My or I” take a moment to write it down. “I” should be able to…Why is he treating “Me” like this…It’s “My” time…. If you are able to do this at least a couple a times a day at the end of the 2 weeks you will begin to see a pattern, which will help you identify some of the problem areas.

Until next time, have a blessed two weeks.

Peace & Love
Pat

Please join me on Saturday, February 20th, as I tie this up.

Monday's Blog: Sharon "Women & Their Finances"