The One Thing You Need To Know: (To Ensure Reaching All Your New Year’s Resolutions and Goals)

Yup, it’s that time of year again, when we start making lists of what we want to achieve in the upcoming year. Some of us call them resolutions or goals.

Resolution: n…a firm decision to do or not to do
something.

Goal: n…the object of a person’s ambition or
effort; an aim or desired result.

However you slice it, it all boils down to change and a hope for the better.

Here are 10 of the most popular ones:

•            Lose Weight
• ·         Exercise More/Get Healthy
• ·         Stop Smoking
• ·         Stop Drinking
• ·         Spend Less/Save more
• ·         Get Out of Debit
• ·         Find a New Job
• ·         Go Back To School
• ·         Stop Cussing 

And year-after-year, we fail. Or just give up and revert back to our old ways. Why is that? It happens because we haven’t connected to the one thing in our lives that will ensure our “Success”.

The God Head!

That’s right. God the Father! God the Son! And God the Holy Spirit!

We approach the situation all wrong by trying to do it the World’s way. For one if there's change that needs to be made, why wait for a particular month and day? And especially since tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. But this is what the World does and we play along. I often question, "Why as Believers we don't get all excited and celebrate New Year's according to the Jewish calendar, "Rosh Hashana?"

But like Paul, I know the secret to success in this world. And it’s not complicated at all.

We need to do exactly what Jesus instructs in (Matthew 6:25-34), we must first seek God—His way of doing things—and trust Him. We have to go to Him first.

The Messiah also tells us, “Whatever we ask of the Father in His name we shall receive.” (John16:23) But it must be God’s will for us. Folks like to leave that part out when quoting this particular scripture. And being out of debt and healthy is defiantly God’s will for us. Jesus was beat mercilessly so we could receive our healing. And who wants to be the tail, versus the head when they don’t have to be?

But it doesn’t stop there. It’s also the Holy Spirit’s job to guide, teach and correct us. And when given the opportunity, He will stop us from jumping off the deep edge, like signing a gym contract we are never really going use, obligating ourselves to monthly debt.

And when we take to heart and make (Proverbs 3:5-7), a way of life, then we will know exactly what we need to do for successful change in our lives.

You want to lose weight but have been struggling for years to get it off or keep it off? Well, having a close and upfront relationship with God will help you get to the root of your eating problem. Because that’s what needs to be fixed first—the why?

You’re drinking too much is a way of self medicating. It’s your way of trying to cover up pain which needs to be healed.

Why are you in debt? How did you get there? What is your true relationship with money? Are you in debt because shopping or buying things somehow takes the place of God helping you cope with life’s disappointments? Or  does it temporarily fill a void, only He can fill?

What is the motivation for wanting to go back to school? Is it because you feel less than without a college degree? Or there is the promise of better pay with a Masters degree? How do you plan to pay for it? With loans and incurring debt you will spend the majority of your life trying to pay off? That’s not God’s will for us.

Looking for a new job with better pay is not a bad thing. Well, it is, if the job is going to close down or have a massive layoff 9 months after you start and you lose your job and benefits! And the company you left is thriving. We don’t know what tomorrow holds...but God does.

Our #1 priority in life, should be building a deep personal relationship with God. It’s the key to everything we need.

Time in the Word and prayer will reveal our problem areas. And that is a good thing, because God is not like people. We are more than happy to point out each other’s flaws, if only for no other reason than it makes us feel better about ourselves. But He shows us, so we can allow Him the privilege of turning whatever trash or ash it is—into a thing of beauty.

But we have a tendency to make our plans and then expect God to go alone. I am guilty of this myself. Several years ago, I got caught up in a promotion to join a gym because I really wanted to get out of the house, more so than get healthy. It was during the time I was homeschooling, working from home and deep in missions work. I longed to be doing something for me and be around more progressive people. So, I joined and signed a two year contract (by faith), that God would supply the money.

Well, I learned that the only thing in a gym I really like is the treadmill. And that is because I already liked walking—which I did a lot of.

I had a trainer for seven sessions, but was never comfortable. The gym was located in downtown Philadelphia, and only took 20 minutes to get there. I went three times a week. But about 3 months in, it became too much to pay the monthly fee and I barely got to go. Too busy! I called corporate and tried to get the payments cut in half and they wouldn’t do it. Eventually I just defaulted and it went against my credit. And that well known company went out of business—worldwide. Now how much do you want to bet, God knew all about their downfall, my waning lack of interest and inability to pay the contract off?

Yes, He knew all about it, before it ever happened.

If only I had taken my feelings of isolation to Him. And allowed Him to show me the way to deal with them and make change. But, lesson learned—the hard way!  And my goal is to help you girls see the folly in our lives with New Year’s Resolutions and Goals. To understand, why we keep making the same ones over-and-over, with the promise—this year I’m going to do it! But don’t.

Use the time you would be spending at the gym, or doing homework assignments or whatever it is you do that idly takes up your time, and spend it—digging in the Word.

The bible holds the keys to everything we have need of; through God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. Find out exactly what privileges where given to you at the Cross, besides salvation. Get to know the God you serve, with a desire to truly see and understand the love story He has for you. And if you are in a church that denies the power of the Holy Spirit, then once you get into the Word for yourself, my prayer is, you will leave that congregation and be led to one which knows and teaches His power.

Yes, we fail time and time again….because of our lack of understanding and acknowledgement of the Holy Spirit.

On December 31, 1989, I fell to my knees and cried out, “Lord, I didn’t want to smoke anymore!” asking the Holy Spirit to help me! (I was a babe in Christ, but in a Word church.) And guess what? He did.And after 19 years of smoking...I was FREE!  (At the time I was smoking two packs of cigarettes a day.) I can’t tell you how many times I tried to quit on my own. So, I do know what it is to be addicted to cigarettes, but I also know the yoke breaking power of the Holy Spirit!

We can go to God about anything. But many of us don’t have the confidence He hears or is interested. But that is a lie from the pit and also the result of time not spent getting to know Him on our own.

There is only one thing we need for total success (and not the world’s definition of success either), and that is Jesus as Lord! And with Him as Lord—we get into the Bible and do everything it instructs us to do! Beginning with loving God with every ounce of our being and then down the line. With this you will be able to get out of debt and stay out. You will be able to lose that weight and keep it off. You will be in God's will, by waiting on Him to make a move for a new job or higher education. You will have success!

Until next week,

Love and Hugs,

Ponnie

Stop Running Away!

A couple of weeks ago I encountered an incident on Facebook where a Christian Facebook friend, didn’t like something I said and left the comment, “What you said, Ponnie was very mean!”

What offended her was, “Because you are Caucasian, it is impossible for you to understand where I’m coming from and what it is to be a Black person in America.” 

The whole thing was in response to a post I made about being silent at times speaks volumes…referring to our President elect being backed by an openly white supremacy group founder and leader.  

But here is the real kicker….she left the message, deleted me as a friend and blocked me so I couldn’t even find her name on Facebook. Wow!

Here’s the scenario that should have played out.

First, I would have apologized immediately for hurting her in anyway, and then I would have private messaged her to find out why she felt what I said, was mean. As two sisters-in-Christ, we should have been able to quickly fix the problem—but she ran away.

This seems to be a common thread I’m seeing in those of us who profess, Christ as Lord. And it just shouldn’t be.

The Bible instructs us explicitly on how to handle adversity and misunderstandings. We serve the God of reconciliation—not separation.

Since I wasn’t given the opportunity to talk it through, I did the next best thing—I prayed.

Working with women in crisis for many years, I’ve learned that hurting people are often far from rational thinkers. And yes, even Believers. And I’m assuming I hit some type of nerve or wound that has yet healed. So, I’m keeping her in prayer and the door open if she ever contacts me.

This is not my first encounter with this type of emotional behavior, but it did prompt me to really look at why, we as daughters of the King behave so poorly to one another and think it is okay?

I am a kind person, so it is never my intent to purposely offend anyone—especially when I have time to think about it. Am I bragging on myself? No. But we must know our strengths as well as our weaknesses. And truthfully over the years, I have met many missionaries and they have all been kind and generous people. It’s a characteristic God gives us to do the job.

There was a time I would take it on and beat myself up when something like this happened. But as I've grown in the Word (and as long as I didn’t intentionally mean any harm), I've learned to let it go. But if given the opportunity to make things right or apologize…I am right there. Why? Because, blessed is the peacemaker and we are to live in peace as long as it is within our power. That’s how the Bible runs it down.

Think about it, if a Native American felt I wasn’t getting what they were saying about their experience here in the United States and said to me, “Ponnie I don’t expect you to get it because you have never lived on a reservation.” You know what—they would be telling the truth! I really don't have a clue.

I’ve found that we are afraid of truth. For many different reason we think truth is out to get us, when in fact—it’s out to help and set us free.

Lysa TerKeurst talks about this in her new book, “Uninvited…Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely,” great book! Especially if you are afraid of truth.

Here’s another example…one day while talking to a sister who has been known to have what I like to call, “a know-it-all-spirit,” I just couldn’t take it anymore! (Well, I could have if I had allowed God’s grace to prevail.) I jumped in with both feet and ran it down how far off she was from the bible in what she was saying. She didn’t like it, but it was the truth. Was it the truth in love? I would have to say, “No.” She was infamous for giving advice under the guise of being spiritual. But the truth is…anything that doesn’t line up with the Word of God is wrong information or a lie—period.

A week or so later, I received a teaching CD in the mail with a note to listen to it and there was no need to respond or bother to contact her. Oh-kay! I saw the setup and threw it in the trash. And that was the end of that. What she did is a big fat, No-No! But it just supported my case even more.

Sisters, communication is a two-way street. Again, trying to have the last word and then running away. Is not Jesus' way.

Time passed and we were okay. Never to speak on it again.

The lesson I’ve learned over the years, is to not let drama play out on Facebook or anywhere else.

This past summer a family member was to stop by one day to visit. It really wasn’t a big deal when they didn’t show up because nothing special had been planned. The next day I sent a text, “Oh it was so nice spending time with you yesterday. We must do it again!” (Or something to that effect.) Nonetheless, it was all tongue in cheek.

I was expecting some type of snarky retort such as, "Girl! I haven't had so much fun in a long time! LOL!" But instead my phone immediately rang, and she accused me of being passive/aggressive in my text.

What!

Since I am a much wiser woman these days, I quickly got off the phone and told her I needed to call her back. I prayed, laughed about it and gave it half an hour. Why? Because most of the time when stuff like this happens—it has nothing to do with us. It is all about what is going on with the other person. And in love we should see this.

When I called back, she was fine. She apologized for not calling to say she couldn’t make it, and shared the crazy kind of day she ran into.

Being residents of the Kingdom, there is a royal protocol for us to follow when it comes to dealing with strife, confrontation, adversity and being offended.

How can we ever expect to encourage the unsaved and godless that severing Jesus is something special when we act no differently than they do. Or in some cases—worse!

We can’t.

And this is another reason many people leave church congregations—they don’t see or feel the love that should be flowing from us.

Sisters, we cannot just shut people down and run away! Yes, there are times in our lives we must let people go because they are not good for us. But, having the last say and not giving the other person an opportunity to speak is not how Jesus would handle it.

I think Paul really sums it up in a nutshell for us in Ephesians 4:1-3, 31-32, (Amp)… 1So I, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to you to live a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called [this is, to live a life that exhibits godly character, moral courage, personal integrity, and mature behavior—a life that expresses gratitude to God for your salvation], 2with all humility [forsaking self-righteousness], and gentleness [maintaining self-control], with patience, bearing with one another in [unselfish] love. 3Make every effort to keep the oneness of the Spirit in the bond of peace [each individual working together to make the whole successful].

31Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, faultfinding] and slander be put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse.] 32Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.

Maybe some of you have a situation in your life right now where you need to make amends, or at least open the doors of communication. Don’t mess around with it any longer. Forgive. Ask to be forgiven. And move on.

May I suggest you read the entire chapter. Click here (Ephesians 4, Amplified Bible)

Remember...love never fails!

Until next week,

Love and Hugs

Ponnie

A Foolproof Way…Not to be Pulled into Other People’s Messes!

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of confusion and wondered, “How in the heck did I get here?” I think we all have at one time or another. It’s part of life. But as always, the Bible shows us how to avoid such situations.

Gossip, rivalry and being braggadocious, are behaviors that are most certainly high up on the list of things we shouldn’t be doing as Christians…for sure.

I’ve chosen the above three, because we can easily be swept up in them before we know it.

My youngest (now 23 years old), attended a Montessori school for first grade. And one day while standing in the yard waiting for dismissal, I found myself having a conversation with the mother of one of her classmates. She started bragging on how well her daughter could read. Well, when my daughter was tested to get into the school (at the time in kindergarten) she was reading and comprehending on a 3^rd grade level. So, do you think I let her get away with bragging on her daughter like mine was nothing? Nope! And her response to me was, “Well, she reads the newspaper!” It was at that very moment when the Holy Spirit asked me, “What are you doing?”

At the time, I was studying, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (NIV), which translates into the fact that we can do nothing about from Christ, be nothing apart from Christ, have nothing apart from Christ, and achieve nothing apart from Christ! Therefore, He really wanted to know what I called myself doing. And especially with a woman who didn’t know the Lord?

From that day forward, I have tried my best to never get caught up in bragging about anything, especially my kids or grandchildren.

But this is not the case for many of us. Mostly because we believe what the World has to say about self-worth and value…we brag about our accomplishment and those of our family. And a prideful heart gives us a false sense of wellbeing.

Last Christmas Eve, I ran into a minister I knew (from a church in the city I had belonged to), at the supermarket, . He has always been a kind, gentle and humble man. And that is why I was dumbfounded, when he held me captive for about 10 minutes bragging on his daughter and her accomplishments in college. And not one time, did God get the glory.

Yes, bragging on anything that God is not the center of—is very dangerous territory for us.

“So if you want to brag, do what the Scriptures say and brag about what the Lord has done.” I Corinthians 1:31, ICB (see Jeremiah 9:24)

And the way to not be dragged into a bragging match is to study the above scriptures, until you believe them and agree with every word and understand how this applies to your life. At that point you will know deep in your heart bragging on any accomplishments as your own, is fruitless and more than likely has a root of pride.

Just as bragging is a sneaky little devil and will trip you up before you know it—rivalry is its mirror twin.

You belong to a book club and everyone has to bring a dessert. You bring your momma’s award winning pound cake. And bam! One of the other women comes up to you and says, “Well, I guess we will have to see whose is the best,” as she points to hers.

Now all of a sudden you are beginning to have some kind of feelings about her statement. You might even say to yourself, “Well, of course mine is going to be better!” And you know what, it just might! But there is still a heart issue in both of you. 

What is the correct response to someone like this? I personally like to ask them, “Why?” “Why do we have to see if one is better than the other?” “I made this cake out of love and I pray it will be enjoyed.” The "why" usually gives reason for pause?

I chose pound cake because I have a recipe for a sour cream rum pound cake that’s a big winner and ususally one of the first things to go. But I feel the minute I decide to brag on how good they are, would be the time it came out dry and some main ingrediant missing. And there is nothing worse than dry pound cake. ~Smile~

When I cook and bake for others, it is out of love and a desire to give something to someone else. And on the days I don’t feel like doing it—I don’t! I can no longer be manipulated or challanged into doing things I don’t want to. The Holy Spirit is the only to change my mind, and when that happens, I know it’s going to work out fine.

And yes, it has taken a lot of work and time for me to arrive at this point. You see, the old slef, was the one that once you brought the competition to my door—I wanted to not just beat you, but slay you! But praise God I am FREE from that foolishness and mess!

Knowing who we are in Christ and assured that every good and perfect gift comes from God (including being a fantastic baker), there is never a need to be sucked into a rivalry, competition or comparisons—especially with another sister-in-Christ. 

Pride…is an ugly and dangerous devil if ever there was one. The Bible tells us God hates pride and it’s an abomination unto Him. It blinds and deceives us. It causes us to hurt, mistreat and offend others. It’s mean spirited to the core.

Here’s a quote from Mother Teresa, which really sums it up…“If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.”

In other words...it doesn't make one bit of difference...either way!

Now a gossiping tongue can ruin a life and reputation. Gossip can cause so much hurt and pain, and irreparable damage. How do we not get sucked into gossip? Address it immediately!

I called a good friend and spiritual sister of mine to vent one day. She’s a good one to vent to because she helps me look at whatever is going on throw the lens of the Bible. (We all could use women like that in our lives.) And midstream, she just said, “I have to go!” We never end a phone conversation like that. Even, when she really might have to go, it is in a different tone and some explanation. But praise God, I didn’t just let her go, and asked “What’s wrong?” She shared I was dogging the person I was talking about. I had left the page of venting about what they had done that day, onto every wrong I could think of over the past 5 years.

Sometimes in order to protect yourself, you might have to just cut off the conversation, but I personally think you should speak up to the person. (If they bring it to your door then you have the right to speak on it.) Often we think we are okay in what we are doing, when in fact we are not. But, if no one is bold enough to tell us, how will we know?

One thing I learned in counseling is changing the focus to the one talking. If a woman is talking about how someone hurt her, instead of listing to the list of offenses (and especially since the other party is not there), it’s best to turn the focus on why she is hurt. And maybe look at the part she played in it. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t. It all depends on the person involved. Some of us, no matter what, can make sure the focus goes back to the one who has wronged us.

If someone calls me under the guise of praying for someone but really wants to gossip, I call them on it! Either they accept responsibility and see what they are doing or they move on.

Recognize gossip immediately for what it is and act accordingly. Maybe you might have to just get off the phone or excuse yourself if in person . Maybe you will have the opportunity to address it, or can help the individual see it from a different perspective of compassion and love. But no matter what method you use—be quick about it.

You see sisters, the more we are in tune with Christ and know exactly who we are in Him; the less we are pulled into other people’s messes. There is no need.***

Is this easy to achieve? Not necessiarly because it has to become a lifestyle. It’s not something you study, get and move on. It’s a continuous growth process in our lives and a big part of spiritual maturity.

Making Jesus Lord, studying the Bible and being obedient to what it says…is the foolproof way to make sure you no longer are the mess, or get pulled into someone eles's mess. 

Either way, the payoff is freedom and a chunk of the good life. Amen!

***And this includes all the mess on Facebook and twitter concerning the new President elect. 

Until next week,

Love and Hugs

Ponnie

5 Simple Steps to a Successful Christian Life

Successful…wealthy, affluent, prestige and position.

This might translate into…owning your own business or making at least a six figure or higher salary. Which in turn provides you with the opportunity to have a big house, new car, latest clothes, private school for the kids, money in the bank, good retirement fund, vacation of choice every year, and great health and dental insurance. 

Everyone in the house has at least two electronic devices and when it’s cold outside your home is always warm and when it’s hot outside, your home is always cool. You are able to employ people to clean your house, take care of the pool and landscaping. In today’s society, you can easily have a personal shopper, chef and driver with the tap of a phone App, if you have the money. 

What you just read is the World’s standard of successful. And it all has to do with money.

In fact you can scratch everything you just read as far as it pertaining to what a successful Christian’s life is. I’m not saying there aren’t wealthy, affluent and rich Christians—because there are plenty! But it still doesn’t mean they are living a successful Kingdom life.

Also I hope you will not be too disappointed in my misleading title…there are no 5 Steps! But this is really good news.

It’s a writing ploy to draw you in. In fact, I really don’t like books which have steps to God or prayer, or too much more. If you search the Bible, you will see—there’s no such thing as steps to God. So, please forgive me for toying with you this morning. I just couldn’t resist. ~Smile~

A successful Christian life, takes work and making Jesus, Lord of your life.

Yup. That’s it!

No aptitude test. No internship. No college tuition or finical debt required. No hoops to jump through. No unreasonable demands you must adhere too and nothing that will test your integrity or put you in harm’s way.

Wow! We only have to make one more decision beyond salvation…Lordship.

Let’s say there’s a particular college you have your eye on and it promises you will have great success in whatever field you choose, if you earn a degree with them. You believe them, so you beg, borrow and beg some more to get this degree. Some would forsake family and friends and work a second job to make it happen. And if it takes you five years versus the average four…that’s okay too. You have a promise—your hard work and money are going to pay off—big time!

Now on the other hand, Jesus says, “If you love me you will obey my commands.” “Love the Lord God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength.” “They will know you belong to me by the way you love one another.” “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” And the big payoff for making Him Lord, and obeying His commands…we have the promise of knowing His voice and being counted as sheep on Judgment Day!

We are also assured peace on this earth that surpasses all understanding. But He instructs we must first forgive those who abuse and mistreat us. In fact, He takes it one step further and says we have to pray for them. And in doing this we have the promise that God will forgive us, just as we forgive others.

Our Lord is also big on us helping others. In fact, He will reward us generously because when we feed the hungry, visit the sick, clothe the naked and visit those in prison…we have done it for Him. (Well, as long as He is Lord in our lives we do it for Him.) Wow! Are you getting excited about this?

God also promises to supply all that we have need of through the Messiah—our Lord! And Peter gives us the secret to contentment—we can do all things through Christ who is our strength!

James lets us know that if we lack wisdom—all we have to do is ask God. And He is going to not only give us the wisdom we need, but He’s going to lavish us with it!

And all we have to do to acquire all of this and more is to read and study the Bible...at our leisure. Yet so many of us don’t.

We will turn our lives upside down for four years or more to get a title and piece of paper man says has value. But, we don’t see the value in spending just 30 minutes a day perusing what it is our Lord, says we must do to be successful as a Believer.  

This is why so many in the Body are sad and downtrodden about life.

Yes! Life is hard! But, we are still to be victorious and triumphant! We are to be light to this sad, sinful dark world. But it is impossible to entice others to our Savior, when they don’t see Him in a good light, in us.

You see sisters, a successful Christian life is one where life is hard, but you don’t lose faith in God! It’s when people know you are going through a difficult time, but see you continue to have a joy and peace about you. Or when they hear of some tragedy or experience you encountered, but never knew what you were going through, because you were always joyous!

God’s joy and peace does not mean we will always walk around laughing, grinning and smiling all the time. But it does mean we won’t be a poor example of God’s empowering grace, love and faithfulness. It’s the peace the bible says, we will have…in the natural it will surpass all human understanding. That’s the power of God.

Anything you are experiencing in your life today…there is a solution in the Bible. But we must first makeup our mind, to believe that it is. And I tell you it is, because I’m a living witness!

It has taken years for me to get to the place of confidence I have in the Lord and His faithfulness today. But the day, I made Jesus; LORD…was the day things really changed for me. It didn’t take away the troubles I had or the consequences I had to suffer for my sin and dissidence. No. But it opened the doors for me to stop making poor decisions, forgiveness, healing (physically, emotionally and spiritually), confidence and hope. But most of all, I finally know who I am, based on who God says I am. I know that there is purpose to my life. And when things come up (which trust they are), I no longer panic and worry about what I’m going to do? Or question if God is there or still loves me.

I know He does.  

Also sisters, the more time we spend with God and focus on living a life to please Him, the more we are prepared when life unscripted shows up. The more you are at peace knowing God is working it together for His good—somehow.

I purposely didn’t give the scripture references to the things I shared from the Bible. If you know them fine. But if you don’t, I gave key words for you to look them up and read it for yourselves.

A successful Christian life is accessible to every Believer! But it’s up to you to obtain it.

Until next week,

Love and Hugs

Ponnie

Knowing Yourself

It has taken me years (and I mean years), to learn and know the important and intimate things about myself. 

Like most, I was a product of the world’s thinking to gage what we do as our value or self-worth.

I remember a conversation a few years back with a sister-in-Christ, and she described herself as a “Domestic Engineer,” and I knew what she thought she was saying, but I was perplexed as to why she was saying it?

Domestic Engineer is the one who executes household chores; they are a member of the family that does this as a part of their responsibility. A Domestic Engineer can carry out anything from cleaning to do every day jobs for the family….hum! Where’s the word, mom or wife? See, the world’s way of thinking is so askew, we really must be careful in picking up its jargon and points of view.

She was a stay-at-home mom and homemaker. One of God’s most important positions for women, if not the most important. I called her on it, but in a kind way. Only to let her know that what she was doing was important to God, her husband and her family…no matter what anyone may think. And to please drop the empty title of domestic engineer. But we can see how it's such an easy trap to be snared in.

For years, what I did defined who I was. I spent most of my childhood and teen years listening to how I wasn’t anything and never would be. And my mother wishing I had never been born. And no matter how much I tried to win her acceptance or love—I failed—time-after-time. But then in 1991, I went to my first Women’s Bible Study, and learned that working full time, bringing home the bacon and frying it up in the pan (anyone remember that commercial), was never part of God’s plan for us as women—never!

I was a broken woman who was lonely and desperate. I was puffed up with pride in what I did because I thought it gave value to my life and who I was. I was jealous of those who seemed to be moving past me and envious of the things others had. There was a time I wanted to be married and felt that having a child at the age of 40 had blown that hope to smithereens. I gossiped about others because if made me feel better about my life. And yes, there were those who I looked down on. I was petty, vindictive, selfish and unforgiving. I often gave with the motivation and intent of manipulation to get my way. I pretended often to be something or someone I was not.

I am now a woman who is healed of past hurts and pains. I love to laugh, dance and have fun. I hate shopping or sitting down for hours to watch sports. I love the freedom of cooking only for myself! I’m picky about what movies and TV shows I will watch. And I drink red wine and go out for margaritas at least once a year. I don’t worry about people liking me and I no longer gossip. I don’t have time for drama and foolishness. When I say, ‘No,’ I mean no!” And I don’t explain a lot—only when necessary. I am genuinely happy when I see others do well or excel. And I’m quick to help one in need, looking for nothing in return. I know what I like and what I don’t like and I’m learning to be true to myself!

There was a time I pretended to like golf just to be with a guy. But truth be told, I’d rather pick lint off a sweater with a straight pen, and one eye closed versus watch golf on TV. I must admit though, driving the cart around the golf course and eating and drinking at the club house was better than TV. But it was all still just a farce!

I’m free in the fact I finally know who I am and I’m okay with it! In fact—I love me some me! Am I trying to imply that I’ve arrived? Of course not! As long as I have breath in this body, I will be a work in progress—but knowing who I am and seeing the mighty work God has done and knowing He is not finished, is exciting!

When my now 23 year old went off to college, I started talking about a dream of traveling around the United State of America—my homeland. That’s when a few friends and family started asking about the possibility of marriage one day and how I was still young enough. Well, you should see the look on their faces when I start talking about what a future husband would have to look like...

…for one, he would have be a great cook, or love to eat out. I’m an excellent cook, but I now have the freedom to cook when and if I feel like it without a thought to anyone else. He would also have to be financially set. Why? I’m too old to build something with someone else—and I just don’t want too! And he better love garlic—I eat food with garlic in it just about every day. He wouldn’t be able to take it if he didn’t. He couldn’t be needy or clingy. Those are personality types I dislike in men and women. He would need to have hobbies and things he loved to do outside the house.

You see girls—I like who I’ve become. I could never sit and pretend I was interested in football or golf. And I don’t ever want to hear the words, “What’s for dinner?” again, if they are not coming out of my mouth. I think I’m past the days of washing underwear that doesn’t belong to me. And after having a grandson to clean up behind—I prefer an all girls bathroom anyhow.

Maybe you might think I’m being a little too picky or set in my ways. And if I am, that’s okay because I’ve earned the right. I’ve paid my dues and it’s my time. I was a single mom nonstop for almost 42 years and will turn 64 in a little over 3 months. I think I’ve taken care of other people enough to last a lifetime. And I still see myself traveling around the USA!  

I’m hoping I got a few chuckles as you read about my ideal husband, but on a more serious note—do you really know who you are? And if so, are you happy with her?

The Ponnie who walked into the Women’s Bible Study taught by Pat Betters, 25 years ago, ceases to be! And I praise God for that. Because I see too many women in the Body who carry burdens of brokenness, pain and unforgiveness and it doesn’t have to be that way.

Maybe as you were reading the characteristics of the old Ponnie, something felt a little familiar? Maybe you experienced a little tug at your heart. Or possibly you saw something in the new and improved Ponnie you are struggling to be? As I say all the time, “There’s nothing we struggle with that others aren’t struggling with too.”

Guess where I found the real me?

In the pages of the B I B L E!

Yup!

It's where the yokes were broken, and I learned how to be more like Christ. It's where I learned to be free to be me!

Too many sisters in the Body of Christ are sad, and this should not be. Anything in your life you don't like can be changed. It will either be changed through different circumtances or a different attitude and perspective. But either way...God is able.

Until next week,

Love and Hugs

Ponnie

Trusting and Waiting on God

Waiting on God and trusting that He is really working it all together for our good, can be one of the hardest things we endure in our Christian life.

You may not agree with me on this. But have you ever wanted something so badly you’ve moved ahead of God making things happen for yourself? I think we all have at some point in our lives.

Some of you are married to, or separated or divorced from men who if you had waited on the Lord—you would never have been attached too. There are those of you who proclaimed the Lord said it was okay to buy that house or car. You now owe on a house you no longer live in because it was foreclosed on. And you have a car note or lease with insurance that takes all your money.

How many of us are single moms because we didn’t trust God enough to say, “No!” to the man who threatened to leave us, if we didn’t have sex with him? Yet, he left anyway or maybe married you, but you are miserable.

There are those of you who are in jobs, which you hate! But you begged God for this job. And you couldn’t possibly understand why He wouldn’t want you to have this better paying job? After all, it would increase your tithes and offers, so you jumped at it! But in truth, He never told you to take it.

I wonder how many of us are sad and discouraged because we don’t see God moving in a situation we have been prayerful about? How many of us have given up on family, marriages and loved ones? Maybe even our own healing or life changing experience?

I know a woman whose oven door spring broke and she had to use a stick to keep it closed. She wanted a new stove and a few other things done in the kitchen. Her husband, asked her to give him a few months and he would have the money. Well, her version of a few months and his were too different things, so she borrowed the money from her mother and had the work done. Yes, it caused big problems in their marriage. And it really wasn’t even about waiting on her husband, as much as not trusting God in the matter.

There are so many examples of everyday life where we have become impatient with God’s timing and have taken matters into our own hands. I know I’m guilty! But today I want to share my recent faith battle and victory.

In April of this year, I was finally granted health and dental insurance because of the Affordable Care Act, or as many know it as "Obama Care". I was excited and very happy, because the past couple of years, my teeth started getting loose and one fell out in the bottom front and both my wisdom teeth came out. Fillings that I’ve had for over 50 years fell out and I desperately needed dental work.

By this time, I knew I had some type of gum disease and would more than likely lose all my teeth. Honestly, I sat down and cried about it for a minute, and then moved on. Good dental health is so much more important than holding on to failing teeth.

I called a highly recommended dental school and made an appointment in May. I also made an appointment for the first day my insurance kicked in with my primary physician, who I hadn’t seen in years.

Long story short…when the labs came back I was diagnosed with thyroid disease, hypertension, high cholesterol and diabetes.

The Holy Spirit and I came up with a plan and then we let my doctor in on it. LOL! I only took the prescriptions for the thyroid, hypertension and a beta-blocker for my heart—due to the hypertension.

I made a drastic lifestyle change in my diet and exercise.

My first dental appointment had to be reschedule because my pressure was too high. My physician explained I would not be accepted into the program. We had to work on getting it lower.

In the beginning everything was going well. The weight was dropping off, I had more energy and then the heat of summer came and my numbers shot back up! Then another dental appointment went by the wayside. But this time I didn’t bother to reschedule. My doctor was increasing meds and my body wasn’t adjusting well.

To be honest and up front, I was tempted on more than one occasion to be upset with God. I didn’t understand? My mouth was getting worse and it was starting to affect my self-esteem and hinder my social life.

The scripture I have been standing on for this process is… And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19, NIV) Because good dental health is not a desire, but a true need.

By faith I made another dental appointment for October 18^th. I had six weeks to get my pressure down. Even though I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to do that, when I had been doing everything humanly possible—but I believed!

I also stopped taking my blood pressure reading every day. (Please do not stop taking your readings if that is what your doctor prescribes.) I’m just sharing my journey. My reason was, the numbers were not so good. And to work as hard as I was, by watching what I was eating, and cooking healthy and exercising and not see the numbers drop significantly, was discouraging. So, by faith I stopped for a few weeks before my appointment, and trusted God I would be accepted in the program.

And there was more—I now carried a deep shame from the state of my teeth.

Well, October 18^th, was this past Tuesday—my pressure was really good and I was accepted into the program. I met the student who was going to make up my plan with the residents and doctors. I’m scheduled to go back this coming Tuesday and will be moving forward to a new chapter in life.

Praise God!

The exam and process was lengthy. I was in the dental chair for a little over 2 hours, and everyone who was part of the process (six people in all), were kind and very respectful. The Lord addressed the embarrassment and shame I felt with kindness and an overall general concern for my wellbeing.

And I must add the dentists were more than amazed I was not experiencing pain of any kind. (Again, God keeping me.)

Looking back over the past few months, I see how miserable I would have been had I started my dental work this summer as I had hoped. We had heat wave after heat wave. And the hotter it became, the more my pressure went up.

Also, my student dentist who is a junior was not there during the summer. And since I believe, I have the best they have to offer—he is also part of God’s plan and perfect timing.

You see sisters, when we are standing in faith—what we see in the natural has nothing to do with what God is supernaturally doing on our behalf. Even when we don't understand, we can't give up!

The issues my body struggled to overcome weren’t improving the way I wanted them too, and it looked as if I would never get my teeth done. And to top it off, the state of my mouth was getting worse.

There were days I really had to fight the good fight of the faith, and be encouraged by my dear friend and bible teacher. She kept reminding me of God’s faithfulness in my life and what my attitude should be if I really believed God’s Word.

Faith can be a tall order! And especially when what we see with our eyes translates into “It ain’t gonna happen!”

Paul gives us clear insight into how our faith should work. 17For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.” Romans 1:17 (NKJV)

 The Amplified translation is really good too. 17For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed, both springing from faith and leading to faith [disclosed in a way that awakens more faith]. As it is written and forever remains written, “The just and upright shall live by faith.”

I love how it says, “Disclosed in a way that awakens more faith.” That’s the core of our going from faith to faith. It’s never the same. It should be bigger and stronger than last time. There are times we don’t so much need a miracle as we need to remember a miracle once had.

I pray that today’s blog is encouraging to anyone struggling to trust and wait on God’s perfect timing.

And if you don't have a written account of God's miracles, answers to prayers and faithfulness in your life, may I suggest you recall as many of them as you can and write them down. This will help you on those dark days you want to give up or move ahead of God. Amen!

Until next week,

Love and Hugs

Ponnie

We Could Use More Cheerleaders in the Body!

Encore blog: June 13, 2014

In the sisterhood of Christ we are to help one another in ways that the world doesn’t.

Oh, and I have Bible to back me up, “They will know that you are mine, by the way you love one another.” Yup, that’s what Jesus has to say about it. But the world isn't necessarily seeing that we belong to Him from way we are loving on one another. Because as a group there is a weakness in the love and giving department.

One area we are very weak in...is encouraging each other to soar.

We aren’t the cheerleaders we could be. We don't applaud each other and shout, “You can do it sister! Go, Go, Go!” We’re not grabbing hold to support our sister when we see she is ready to give up or fall—no, secretly we often hope she fails.

   

Writing this blog made me dig deep within myself, because there was a time the person I just described, was me! And I needed to come clean, so I could share what was going on in my life at the time.

For one, I was a very (and I mean very), insecure person whose low self-esteem ruled my life, and filled my heart with envy. This stopped me from being totally happy for anyone else.

During the period when I wanted to be married, it hurt every time I heard someone had gotten engaged or had married. I would paint on a happy face and pretend I was happy for them, but the true state of my heart was one full with envy.

Whenever we put our self-worth or value into what we do or accomplish, we will always be envious of others. We will always see ourselves as not measuring up when someone else does better or one-ups us.

Well, this was all fine and good when I lived outside of the Kingdom of God. It's what people in darkness do. But things are supposed to change when we give up residency in the world and move into the Kingdom. And God demanded more of me as He does all His daughters. It was time for change. I had to start putting on the new me—the Jesus me!

Let’s fast forward to today…Now that my understanding of how much God loves me is growing and I've learned there is nothing He has for me that anyone can rob me of—I am free of envy!

The more I strive to walk in love—the freer I am! I Corinthians 13, tells us, “Love does not envy!”

It has taken time for me to learn to believe God what has to say about me. It has taken a lot of work, to no longer think my value or self-worth are linked to what I do or achieve. But it was worth the struggle, because now—I am free of so many things that weighed me down and stole my joy!

But this is a truth that some of us have yet to realize, and it is hurting the Body.

As you all know, I’m a writer. Okay, no big deal! There are plenty of writers in this world and so many different types of writers to boot! (And I am so happy I wasn't called to write text books—of any kind! LOL!) But guess what? None of us are the same—even if we write in the same genre. We all have different skill sets, personalities, and gifts. And this should make us happy for one another!

But in truth—we are so insecure and envious, we are not cheering each other on as we should.

It's sad to have to say this, "But I know women who don’t confess to know Jesus, but help and encourage me more than many of my sisters-in-Christ when it comes to my writing and what I am doing with it.” Prime example—for all the people (including family) I send a weekly email to with this link—very few bother to read the blog. How do I know? There’s a tracker on the blog site.  It doesn’t tell me who reads it, but just how many. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not in the numbers business, I’m just using this as an example of how we don’t support each other when we have an opportunity too.  

Yet, folks will not hesitate to ask me to edit things for them or share information that will enhance their writing endeavors. See, the Kingdom has many writers, want-to-be writers and writers-in-the-making. And I have learned to be happy for them all. Because what they are doing, has nothing to do with what God has anointed me to accomplish.

We are big on quoting scripture concerning sowing seed and gleaning a good harvest when it comes to our finances, but it can be overlooked when it comes to sowing seeds of love and encouragement. We don’t seem to put the same value on it as money. But a harvest of love, is something money will never be able to afford you.

Sisters, if you are one who is envious or jealous of others, you have a heart issue that needs to be worked on. First confess it to God and ask Him to help you get to the root and make change. Then purpose to encourage and cheer on as many as you can..even when your envious of them. 

When we see a sister trying to start her own business, we should cheer her on! Instead of being jealous someone bought her first house before you—cheer her on! She’s published her first book and you are still working on yours—cheer her on! She’s pregnant before you—cheer her on! She's trying to get healthy and is losing weight—cheer her on!

Become a cheerleader and let’s show the world what it really looks like to belong to Jesus.

Until next week,

Love and Hugs

Ponnie

Crimes of Opportunity

If you or anyone you know is in law enforcement, they will tell you that all crimes are not premeditated. There are many that happen as crimes of opportunity or rage—never planned at all.

Today I went for a walk and noticed a delivery man get out of his car, leaving it running and the driver’s door open while he walked up a long walkway to a porch. I witnessed this same scenario in the 70’s while working in an élite part of downtown Philadelphia. But the outcome was much different.

A man pulled up to a mailbox, got out of the driver’s side (car running), and while he was dropping the mail in, a man jumped in and drove off! The owner just stood there screaming. There were no cell phones back then.

The man today, still had a running car waiting for him when he stepped off the porch, but it made me think of how we can become so secure in what we do and where we live, we let our guard down and set ourselves up for crimes of opportunity.   

Of course this doesn’t let the culprit off the hook by any means. The man who stole the car was a thief at heart.

Being raised in a large city, I all too well understand the difference between certain parts of town. Some are less crime riddled than others, which can give people a false sense of security. Living in the suburbs or gated communities also has the propensity for the same delusions. Truth is…bad things happen all over—even in fortified mansions.

And we can also have the same type of mindset when it comes to our residency in the Kingdom of God. We think we got it like that! Salvation is it! Once we secure that, we don't have to do much else.

Jesus explains what the role of a thief is…“The thief does not come except to steal and to kill, and to destroy.” (John 10:10a NKJV)

And Peter wanted to firm it up for us, “Stay sober, stay alert! Your enemy, the Adversary, stalks about like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (I Peter 5:8 CJB)

But many of us are like the woman walking around the store with your pocketbook in the kiddy seat of the shopping cart who becomes distracted. Bam! If it’s open they might only snatch your wallet, but you see the man took her entire purse…crime of opportunity.

A thief at heart is crafty. They know how to scheme, plan and execute a plan. But they are also on the alert for crimes of opportunity. Sometimes it’s as simple as trying all the handles on cars to find the one that isn’t locked. Or walking down the street and seeing UPS leave a package on someone’s porch. They roam and are opportunists!

Well, where do you think such a spirit or lifestyle comes from?

Yup—the Father of all lies and deception, himself!

Some of us are in such a mess right now, from crimes of opportunity he has leveled against us. But, the truth of the matter—it’s our own fault. We failed to stay sober and alert! Just like the woman who left her purse in the shopping cart unattended.

Your husband walks through the door a little testy. He’s had a long day, and so have you. You ask him a simple question and he’s a bit snarky in the way he answers, and before you know it—bam! An argument has ensued and you’re now arguing about something that happened last week, last month or even last year! You go to bed angry and half speak to each other the next morning.

How did this happen? Well, could it be you haven’t been spending time in the Word and with God lately? Has life been busy and really distracting and all time consuming? Do you think going to church on Sunday is enough to keep you going? Well, if the answer is, “Yes.”…you have set yourself up for crimes of opportunity. And the thief (our Adversary) will swoop in and steal your joy, kill the peace in your home, destroy any hopes for a good night’s sleep and just devour up the love!

As a Believer, I’m sure you have experienced a spiritual attack of some kind in your walk with Christ. And what I have come to realize, they aren’t always planned as much as they are crimes of opportunity.

Our enemy sees when we are not spending the time required to stay sober, strong and on guard. He sees us drifting away from the One who keeps us. All he has to do is gather those little imps and they sit patiently and wait for an opportunity to assault us!

Crimes of opportunity almost always happen when we are not as careful or diligent as we could be. Spiritual crimes of opportunity also happen when we are weak, tried and frustrated. And how do we get there? By not being careful or diligent in staying sober, strong and on guard.  

And this is why I constantly encourage you to read and study your bibles.

It is impossible to build an ark during a raging storm. In other words, when the flood gates of hell open up on us—we best be prepared to deal with it. But not only for the big things. A good solid relationship with God makes for a better life all around.

Living to please God because we love Him is a great reward in itself.

If the wife would have taken notice her husband (from his reaction), probably had a bad day and  either answered in a soft voice (because the bible instructs that turns away anger), or kept quiet and not taken offense, she would have had a peaceful night in her home and bed.

Because when we are full of the Word and focused on pleasing God, we have a tendency to grab hold of His grace quicker, and do the right thing.

What crime of opportunity has our enemy laid on you lately? Was it anger, a wrong response, tit for tact, a poor attitude, meanness, unkindness? The home is one of his favorite places to hangout at, but he doesn't stop there. A crime of opportunity is just that...an opportunity. He could care less if it as at your place of work, church, in public or with friends.  

Well, whatever it was, review to see how you let it happen. Examine what exactly was going on with you at the time? And then do what the Word says to do and correct it.

Sisters, I can’t say it enough! Read your bibles and spend time with God! Guard yourselves against the crimes of opportunity that are levied against daily. Amen!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie

CLUTTER

Encore blog, January 31, 2014

Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self! ~Eleanor Brownn~

Wow!! When I first read this quote by Eleanor Brownn, it hit me like a ton of bricks! It made me stop and think about the things we as daughters of the King live with on a daily bases that doesn’t support the better us!

I chose this week’s photo because it’s a very good representation of what the inside of some of us looks like or a relationship we are in. It does give you a sense of emotional clutter as well as physical.

Housing and holding on to Old Ideas, is most defiantly living in the past.

Continually allowing Bad Habits to have rule gets us nowhere?

Toxic Relationships can affect everything about us!

Letting go seems to be very hard for people. Have you ever watched one of the hoarder shows? It’s amazing what people cling too. Same thing goes for toxic relationships. Women stay in marriages and relationships where they are physically and mentally abused for years. Many families have toxic relationships that just bring out the worst in everyone. Friendships can be summed up as toxic when one uses the other and never brings anything good or worthwhile to the table.

Bad habits become a way of life and gain rule over us. On many levels we realize they are there, but often don’t have the courage or conviction to make change.

Hanging on to old ideas stagnates and stunts our growth, yet we can still refuse to let go.

Why is that?

Fear!

This is the type of “Fear” Timothy warns us about, the type of fear that hinders and can paralyze us. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Women stay in toxic marriages and relationships out of fear of being alone. Often married women fear how they will make it on their own, especially if they have children. Some women are so desperate to be attached to someone (their self-esteem is so low) they view the abuse as a viable option to being alone.

It can be scary to have to move on and leave family and old friends behind—but many times that is what’s needed. As a parent you might need to put someone out of your house. When Jesus became prominent in my life, I lost ALL my friends, and I do mean ALL. That shows you what type of life I was living. I drank a lot ( way too much), smoked, cussed, partied, gossiped, had sex outside of marriage, was petty, unforgiving, envious of others, vindictive and just hung out with folks that by God’s standard were pure heathens! But then Christ got a hold of me, and I did become a new creature. And bit, by bit, I moved away from most of them and the others moved away from me. You see, I was no longer fun and one of them.

I did try to hold on to some even though I knew they were not good for me. Why? Out of fear of not having any friends—fear of being lonely. And you know what? I was lonely for a period of time. But it was a time of purging on God’s part and they were all replaced by daughters of the King, “aka” mighty women of God!

At the time I had a best friend of over 17 years, and I really didn’t want to lose her, but the more I talked to her and listen to her cuss up a storm the more I realized I had to cut back on our conversations, because I was putting down “fitly” communications. The more she gossiped about others, the more I realized we were drifting apart. And then eventually I saw with clear eyes (because I no longer walked in darkness) that our friendship had been built on all things that were an assault to Christ and I had to let her go.

Now I tell you sisters, God replaced her with a best friend and mentor whose friendship is going on 24 years now. And He replaced all the others too. (See August 16, 2013, blog: Collective Wisdom,)

I had to let go of my old way of thinking and allow my mind to be continuously renewed by the Word of God. Old ideas and old ways of thinking were no longer acceptable in the Kingdom if I wanted to grow and move forward in Christ.

The breaking of old habits is the work in progress that we are, but that can’t be an excuse to stay enveloped in them. We must keep striving to reach a higher mark in life as Believers; we cannot allow the “clutter” to takeover and run our lives.

Sisters, what clutter do you have in your lives that is not supporting the “better you”? What clutter is tearing you down and holding you back? Once you have honestly answered these questions, then it is time to step out in faith to make change and let go.

We don’t have to be afraid of the unknown, because it is all known to God. Don’t be afraid to let old friends and some family members go. There are times it just has to be done. Don’t be afraid to get to a safe haven if you are being abused. It is not God’s will for anyone to be abused. Don’t be afraid to put an old dream to rest and move forward into something new. Remember what the Lord has told us, “Fear Not!”

Oh, and if the picture I used today reflects your home or bedroom in anyway—you really need to start there and get it cleaned up. Why? Because it truly is a reflection of things going on inside. Amen.

Blessings and Hugs

Until next week......Ponnie

Comparisons and Past Things!

Comparisons can be a plus or a negative in the life of a Believer. Bringing up the past is also a double sided coin. There is good to the past just as there are things we would choose to do over if we could. But because our sin nature has the tendency to look at the negative of things more so than the good or positive—we end up in the muck and mire most times.

Married women like to compare their husbands, to the men they see on television shows (especially soap operas), their neighbors, friends, family, coworkers and church members. Oops, don’t let me forget Facebook!

We often compare our husbands and marriages to others in a way that brings about envy, jealousy and covetousness, or pride. Either way, it feeds into our sinful nature.

A few weeks ago, there was a challenge going around on Facebook for married women to post pictures of them and their husbands for seven days. It was supposed to support marriage and love. The thought may have come from a good place, but in reality it really wasn’t such a good idea. And I say this because it came off as phony and an opportunity for people to brag in their pictures. I wrote a post about how I was tired of seeing it and jokingly threatened to block folks who kept doing it. But you know what; a lot of my married friends who did not participate were tired of it too. I didn’t ask them why, but from some of the comments on my post you could tell they were tired of the bombardment of pictures we've already seen.

One person who participated commented that it could be encouraging someone struggling in their marriage. Sorry, I didn’t buy that one, because if you are struggling in your marriage, seeing all these happy pictures of couples on vacations, at galas and so on—was not about to make you feel better. No! It was only going to magnify your problems. It only intensified the feelings of being lonely or a neglected wife.

Anyone who has been married any length of time knows—marriage takes work! And it is not always smiles, hugs and kisses. There are times of tears, misunderstandings, trials, tribulations and heartaches. Working with women in crisis I know all too well that abused women have many fabulous pictures of grand honeymoons, wedding anniversaries, bouquets of flowers, the latest diamond jewelry and family vacations. But if pictures were taken of their beatings, they would reveal black eyes, broken bones, bruises, welts and missing teeth. There are not enough diamonds or flowers to correct that!

There's an old saying, “A picture says a thousand words.” And the truth is—those thousand words can all be lies. Yet, we continue to judge outwardly and envy others. We might also know someone whose marriage is not the best and the flip side to that is—we get puffed up because in comparison, our husband shows up better.

But not only do married women have issues with comparisons…we all do. Single, married, widowed, separated, divorced or engaged. Comparing our lives and bodies to that of others is a common thread amongst us all. And in our own human state we have the tendency to focus on what we don’t have. Or if we do focus on what we have, it becomes prideful. So, what are we to do?

If we must make comparisons, then let it be God focused.

Okay, so maybe your marriage is not all you had hoped or would like it to be. But how is it in comparison with your obedience to God’s Word? What changes have been made as you decide to do things God’s way?

Has a soft and gentle answer to your husband, defused arguments and bad attitudes in your marriage? My bible says, it will! Does, seeing your husband for who he can be, versus who he is at the moment, empower your prayers for him, your marriage and your faith in God? It should!

You see sisters, when we compare our lives to God’s Word and what He is doing and has the capacity to do—it becomes a win-win.

Some of us are unhappy because life just didn’t turn out the way we had hoped. We are in our later years, and find ourselves facing health or financial issues. Some of us are steeped in debit from college loans, shopping, keeping up with the Jones’ or just poor management of our money. Some of us want to be married and have kids. Some of us feel God has not been fair in how He seems to reward others. Because when we look at their lives—they are just a mess!

With what is going on in the world today—we should know without a doubt that we are blessed and highly favored, just like the good book says!

Our mainstream Western news media is not good on world news. Well, truth be told, they’re not good on local news either. But we as Believers must make it a point to dig for world news about our brothers and sisters, and people in general, ourselves.

Take the people of Syria who have been catching it for some time now. Those who have not been able to get out are destitute, especially in Aleppo. The pictures of them just sitting in rubble without, proper shelter, sanitation, and food and water are heartbreaking. Today there was a report the aid that has been sent is to finally get through to those who so desperately need it. (Let's pray it does.)

Now I ask you “Can any of you say you’re experiencing this type of devastation and turmoil in your life?” Have you been driven out of your homeland, with nothing? And when I say, “Nothing,” I mean absolutely nothing, but the clothes on your back. You have no papers to verify who you are—not even that your children belong to you. This is what people are going through. Not knowing where their families are, drowning in overcrowded boats as refugees. One elderly Christian woman wasn’t even allowed to get her false teeth.

If we take time to compare our lives to the lives of those who are in the Middle East, we can only be grateful it is not us, but in a humble heart of gratitude because it could be. In fact, the way things are lining up…it most certainly could be us one day.

The past usually brings problems when viewed from our natural lens. We have this thing about the good old days. Which when viewed through the light of God’s Word, were far from a good old anything.

Yes, there are times we really need to look back. If only to see how far we have come versus looking forward at how far we are from where we think we should be. We need to remember the hard times and how God showed up in them. But most of all—how much stronger we are now.

 The hard times are the best times of growth in patience and faith.

Our past experiences with God give us our greatest point of reference as to how faithful He is to His promises!

Here’s a quick comparison and look back I recently did. Last year this time, I moved in as a roommate with another woman. Things were talked up to be a certain way, but in reality it was nothing like I had hoped and been led to believe. Honestly—I hated it there. But, it was a place I had to be for a season. And I know this to be true because I didn’t manipulate things in any way to move there. In fact it was a door God opened. For a time I was disappointed, felt cheated and deceived. But as I compare this time last year to now—I would not be in the peaceful state of mind I am in today, had I not experienced that 9 month season back then. It was necessary to prepare me for what I was to experience just a month after moving out.

Truthfully—what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger in Christ Jesus!

When we come to understand the truth Paul had learned about contentment. (See Philippians 14:11-13) It changes our perspective on life completely.  

You see sisters; your life is your life! And that includes the good, the bad, and the ugly.  So, stop comparing yourselves and your lives to others. Stop living in the past of the, “good ole days”. Stop wasting time on things you have no power to change and focus on the One who does.

I continue to encourage you to read your bibles daily—if only for 15 minutes a day.

If you really need to have a comparison, then compare your raggedy, messed up, sinful life to the new creature you are now. And focus on Jesus being Lord in your life and obey His commands. It will change your life forever. Amen!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie