Let’s Get Ready to Rumble

Howdy!

By the time you read this the summer will be coming to an end. Back to school for the kids will be happening in a matter of weeks for some and days for others. I don’t know about you but I look forward to the structure of school. For those of you whose kids are being schooled traditionally you are probably looking forward to them getting out of the house. For me once school starts I will no longer have to find things for them to do everyday and all day. I remember last year this time I was trying to decide what I was going to do in regards to school. I kept going back and forth but finally… Well seeing as this is my last blog that does not surround my life as a home school mom I am going to cease speaking about homeschooling and discuss something else.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another, do not be haughty,”…Romans 12:15 - 16a (NRSV) This is what the Bible says. In fact throughout the Bible we as believers in Christ are encouraged to encourage one another and provoke one another to love and good works. Okay, by a show of hands how many of you at times do not feel like rejoicing with others, encouraging others and certainly not provoking others to love. Come on be honest. Anybody? Oh so I am the only one, okay I admit it, that’s me. If I am totally honest there are times when I feel down right jealous. I know some of you are saying, oh my goodness you call yourself a Christian, didn’t I read somewhere that she is an Associate Pastor.

Yes, I fight the green eyed monster. Yes, there are times when someone will tell me about a blessing they received and it may be what I want and on the outside I am smiling and saying great, Praise God. But! On the inside I am struggling trying to kill this monster that is trying to rise up in me. Picture a wrestling match, the WWF kind. I hear the announcer shout, “Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!” The monster has me pinned then I break free before the referee counts to three. I run to the ropes to face my opponent, he runs towards me, I begin to run. I stretch out my arm and clothes line him knocking him down. Once he is on the ground I give him a fore arm smash. I grab his leg as I attempt to pin him and just when I think I got him he breaks free and we are at it again. Eventually after jumping off of the ropes and taking out the chair I manage to win and I am champion once again!

Now I know that was a little dramatic (that’s me) but that is how I feel sometimes. There is a level of frustration that happens and at times wears me out like a wrestling match. I am frustrated because I know what the Bible says and how we are to be as Christians. My heart’s desire is to have a heart like Christ. I do not want to simply “act” like a Christian, I want to BE one in every way. I get frustrated because I know that jealousy comes from a place of pride and a lack of trusting God. Pride because I begin to think about me and I start thinking “What about me?” A lack of trust because I then feel like God is not going to come through for me, despite knowing the Bible says, God is not a man that He should lie”…Numbers 23:19. Then the enemy comes with guilt to add the evil cherry on top. AHHHHHH! What to do, what to do!?!?

I’ll tell you what I do. I get into my Bible. There is life in the Word of God! If any change is going to take place in me, in the deepest part of me it has to begin with the Word of God. So I have to not only read it, I need to meditate or think about it day and night. Psalm 1 and Joshua 1 remind me if I meditate on the Word I will have good success and I will be like a tree planted by waters. Not only do I have to meditate, I have to make sure that my heart is good soil like it says in Mark the 4th chapter, so when the seed of the Word is planted it takes up root and I get a harvest. I also need to be mindful of what I meditate on. If I am dealing with pride, jealousy and unbelief I can not spend all my time reading about not being prideful, jealous and the like. I have to also go to those scriptures that speak about being humble or walking in love or trusting God. Get it? I already know that I am not to be jealous or prideful, that’s the disease now I need the antidote. I realize that things don’t change overnight, but there is success in my consistency and God has changed me and continues to reveal Himself to me as well as reveal me to me. Now the fight does not last as long and is not as intense as it once was.

In closing I want to share a revelation God gave to me. I will try to be brief. Years before either Brian or I were ordained Associate Pastors, Brian served as a Deacon. One night in prayer the Holy Spirit showed us that both of us would be in ministry. As time passed Brian seemed to be the only one moving in that direction. I had to fight feelings of jealousy. Can you imagine being jealous of your own husband? It was horrible. Finally I spoke to my pastor who knew what God had told us and questioned if it was because Brian was perfect. I know it was a crazy thought but I thought it. My pastor shared with me that it’s not perfection that God looks for (and no Brian is not perfect, far from it…LOL!), but a heart that is perfectly striving. He also said that we all have character flaws and for some of us if we are to go into ministry with those flaws it could be dangerous. He compared me to a tree that is planted and how we put a stick in the ground next to it so that it can grow up straight. The Word was (and is) my stick. So later I eventually was moved up to serve in a higher capacity (I do mean SERVE) along with Brian, but the drama did not end there. A class to train upcoming ministers and pastors to teach effectively began and I was not invited to be in the class. A letter came in the mail with the invite and it was addressed to Brian only. Here comes the monster. I pushed my feelings down but did not deal with it. Months later there was an opportunity for more intense training off site and you got it I was not invited. I could not push the feelings down and I began to cry out to the Lord. Why wasn’t I moving? Why is Brian? Is it because he is a man? Along with the questions I began to question my pastor. That day God spoke to my heart and said, What He has for me is mine, what gifts He has placed in me is for me to use for His glory at the time He deems appropriate.” When it is time to do what He has called me to do, as long as I am obedient and yielded to the Holy Spirit no one can keep me from doing it. I have since learned that my times are in His hands and He is not on my time schedule.

I know this was a little long. My plans were to make this short and sweet. I do pray however that you were encouraged by my experience. The reality is regardless of what feelings you experience that may not be Christ like, be honest about them and get into the Word of God. You can be changed and set free. Be blessed, I love you all.



Hugs and Kisses,
Cheryl


Catch you in two weeks on, Thursday, September 2nd!



Friday's Blog: Pat "Words of Wisdom"