The Kitchen Table: I DON’T WANT TO BE A WIFE!

Sandra could hear herself screaming, “No, I don’t want to be a wife!!” when she jumped up realizing it was all just a dream. Well, more like a nightmare. She sat on the sofa for a few minutes to get her bearings and wait until her breathing wasn’t so labored. Wow!! “What was that all about,” she thought on her way to the kitchen to get a glass of water?

Lately Sandra had been daydreaming quite a bit about having the perfect wedding. It seemed that up until then she had been perfectly happy serving the Lord and living the life He had given her to the fullest. But a couple of months ago while having lunch with two of her cousins and a mutual friend, (and after listening to all the talk about their husbands and one was expecting her first child), she began to feel as though she might be missing something? And to top it all off, they seemed to be telling her in what they thought to be a subtle way, “Girl, your biological clock is ticking, louder and louder!” Unbeknownst to Sandra, little seeds of discontentment, envy, and lies had been planted in her heart. A heart that she took great care to protect, because she realized early on in her Christian walk, what Proverbs 4:23 meant by, “Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. And here this harmless little lunch date would be the beginning of the end so to speak.

Sandra couldn’t tell you how many years it had been since she last watched a soap opera. That was one of the first things God cleaned out of her life when she came to Christ at the tender age of 21. She was addicted to them (and had been since she was 13 years old) to the point of taping shows while at work or school and spending all evening and weekends catching up. General Hospital was hot with Luke and Laura and All My Children with Phoebe and her shenanigans kept her on the edge of her seat. But her favorite was the one with the Buchannan Boys…yeah you know which one I’m talking about. But God wanted to spend time with her in the evenings and so He helped her to see that they were not beneficial at all. But at the lunch, the girls were talking about the soaps as if the characters were real people in their lives, and Sandra couldn’t believe that after all these years, some of the same people were still on and doing some of the same stuff. That little voice that kept telling her, “Peeking in on one of your old favorites won’t hurt anything!” was beginning to sway her thinking to agree with him. So, for the past few weeks (she now works from home) she was spending a precious hour of work time each day with her old love, “One Life to Live” and Bau Buchannan.

David and she have been friends for almost 3 years now. And it was a wonderful godly friendship. He was the brother she had never had, and he adored her because for once he found a sister-in-the-Lord who was not trying to snatch him up. He was so grateful to God for their friendship that he prayed for her every day. They both loved action movies, so when a bang ‘em up, shoot ‘em up or thriller came out, he would always ask her if she wanted to go. There wasn’t anything David wouldn’t do for her as long as it didn’t go against God. And the biggest blessing of their friendship was that neither one had looked at the other as a potential mate. They were just two really dear friends. But again that innocent lunch had now planted seeds that maybe David was to be more than just a friend. You see, the girls kept questioning her about David and wanted to know what was wrong with him and how come they weren’t taking it to the next step? She was offended at first, and quickly came to David’s defense, “There’s nothing wrong with him!” In fact he was a man who loved the Lord deeply. So then they switched things around and told her how dumb men are and that she needed to help him along in seeing that she was the one.

Poor Sandra, she couldn’t see the trap that was being set for her. Because if she had, she would not have given into the voice that told her to buy a couple of Bride’s magazines as she passed the newsstand on her way to meet a friend for coffee one morning. After spending a couple of hours that evening perusing through the magazines, she started to envision what type of gown would look best on her. Would she wear her hair up, add extensions, or cut it short? Did she want a veil or a crown? How many bridesmaids would she have and what would be her color scheme? Oops, she had gotten so lost in the magazines and her fantasy she was going to be late for her women’s Bible study. “Oh well,” she thought as she rushed out of the house.

Poor David didn’t have a clue as to what was going on, but he did notice that she was wearing more makeup and kept talking about how she needed to lose 20 pounds. Why? He didn’t understand any of it and just chalked it up to one of those “women things.” As far as he was concerned, things were the same as always between the two of them. But Sandra had now worked herself into a frenzy and with the help of her friends and the little voices that did not belong to the Holy Spirit; she was now convinced that God had chosen her to be the wife of David! And to top it all off, the soap she was now faithfully watching each day, was showing a wedding. One that had been trying to take place for a year (we know how they drag a storyline out) and finally after much drama it was going to happen. Oh my, poor Sandra was so sucked in that she rearranged an important business call so she wouldn’t have to tape it but could just sit there and soak it all in. It was all so beautiful and she even jotted down a couple of notes about some things that might work in her wedding. After the soap went off she was a little tired and decided to close her eyes for a few minutes and then get back to work.

Oh my goodness, her heart was filled with such great joy as her mother kissed her and told her how beautiful she looked. Yes, she was one of the most beautiful brides that ever walked down the aisle of “The Good Sheppard Chapel” in the Ozarks. The Ozarks! Sandra lived in Cleveland, OH, so why was she getting married in the Ozarks? Well, it really didn’t matter after all she was marrying the man of her dreams….David. “It’s time” her mother said, and gently pulled her toward the door. Her father was standing there with tears in his eyes as he knew it was time to give his baby away. Oh, how wonderful and real it all felt! As she walked down the aisle to her love, he stood there mouthing, “I love you! I love you!” Oh my, so this is how true love feels…thank you Jesus! They said the vows they had written to each other, and then the K I S S!! Sandra was 32, still a virgin and had never really kissed a man deeply and when David grabbed her in his arms and kissed her with all his might, she almost fainted! (Can you faint in a dream? I guess you can.) You see, though she was a virgin, her watching the soaps were starting to stir up things in her that had lain dormant. They were not quite the same as she remembered; they had way more sex scenes with half naked people then back in the late 80’s and early 90’s when she watched them. Again….that innocent little lunch.

Sandra was overwhelmed and overjoyed by the table that was piled high with wedding gifts and her cake was something to behold, but David insisted that they leave the reception early to go up to their honeymoon suite. She was so very happy that she had lost those 20 extra pounds when David picked her up to carry her over the threshold. What a beautiful room, in fact it looked just like the one she had seen in the soap she had been watching. Her heart was pumping with great anticipation of her honeymoon night. David sat her gently on the bed, kissed her deeply and said he had something to share with her. Sandra was all ears, because his eyes were gentle and she knew he could see into her soul, and now that she was Mrs. Amsterdam, it could only get better. “What is it my love,” she heard herself saying? David took a deep breath, put her face gently between his hands and said, “Sandra, I was born a Eunuch.”

Well, my dear sisters, you will have to come back this coming Friday (May 28th) to see how this all ends.