The Kitchen Table: I DON’T WANT TO BE A WIFE! Part II

“What is a Eunuch?” Sandra asked David. “In today’s medical terminology, a Eunuch is a Hermaphrodite.” He replied. At first it still didn’t register, but then she heard herself screaming….”Noooo!! I want babies! I want lots and lots of babies!!” David tried to calm her so that he could explain that they would have plenty of spiritual children in the wilds of Africa. “Africa!” “Oh no David, I don’t want to go to Africa!” Sandra cried. “But Sandra, now that you are my wife; it is your place to support me in my ministry work,” David responded in a very mater-of-fact tone. One that Sandra had never heard before. “Why are we going to Africa David?” “What about your private practice?” (David is a pediatrician) “The Lord has called me to help the many sick children in the Congo.” was David’s reply. “I won’t go!” screamed Sandra. And David told her in no uncertain terms….”You will go because you are my wife!” Sandra began to sob, because this is not how it was supposed to be, this was not how marriage is supposed to be. She took one last look at David as she darted from the room, screaming at the top of her lungs….”I don’t want to be a WIFE!” That is when she jolted awake from her dream.

As Sandra leaned against the kitchen counter holding the cold class of water against her face, she had a great urge to pray (Something she had not been doing much of lately). Sandra fell in a big heap on the kitchen floor sobbing uncontrollably…. “Father, what is wrong? Why is it that I am not as happy as I used to be? Why is marriage and babies consuming my thought life? Where have I gone wrong?” When her tears began to subside, she could hear the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit, telling her that she had forgotten Proverbs 3: 5 & 6…Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. It had only been 2 months since that innocent lunch date, but the seeds planted that day took root and like most weeds, sprung up overnight.

I pray you enjoyed my little fictional story, but I do want you to know that for all the fiction in it, there was also a lot of truth; and I that’s what I want to talk about.

Like the character Sandra, there are a lot of single women in the Body of Christ, who are very content in being single until well meaning church folks (and family and friends) start ragging on them about, “When are you going to get married?” Also, there are quite a few women in the Body who are already struggling with being single and can’t seem to find balance and contentment and people inquiring “When are they going to get married?” only adds to their frustration. Now I do understand this coming from those who live by the world’s standard of thinking, but I don’t understand it from Kingdom people. If we believe that God is the “Author and finisher of our faith and lives” why would we ask someone when they are getting married or tell them it is time they get married? Is that not God’s business? When James tells us to be “Slow to speak” often we think about being angry and telling people off. But it means so much more than that. It also means, “Be so slow to speak that you have time to weigh what you are about to say and time to bring your thoughts into captivity of Christ,” which will help you not to say everything that comes to mind. It also helps us to speak in due season (when the time is right) and temper our words with love. And best of all, it keeps us out of trouble and conflict. Being slow to speak is an art which most of us have yet to perfect.

We cannot put all the blame on others though; we must stand up and accept that which belongs to us. There are many single women who have (on their own) sort of planned what their wedding will be like even though there is no guarantee that marriage is part of their destiny. This is a huge problem because the “fantasy” of the wedding somehow is all muddled up with what marriage truly is. Some of you sisters are looking at brides magazines, and there is no betrothal on the horizon. And this is causing you to beg God for a husband and be unhappy and discontented to say the least. So are you beginning to see the truth in Sandra’s character? I do hope so.

Too many of us want to get married so that we will have a license for sex. We want a dream house, and kids. We want to be a couple and be able to go to the “married couple’s retreats” to know that when the holidays roll around we are not alone. But most of all we want a sense of security. Sorry, but none of these are reasons to get married. Not even wanting to have kids. There is no guarantee you will have children. There are many married couples that do not have biological children.

Marriage is not peaches and cream. It is hard work, commitment and above all else obedience to God. And I don’t like having to say this, but I must, “There are too many daughters of the King who do not have a clue as to what His standard of a wife is.” It amazes me how so many people declare to be Believers, yet they do not read the Bible. You cannot know what a book says, if you don’t read it. And there is a vast group who does read the Bible, but has decided that they can pick and choose what they want to believe or obey. So this sort of puts God in a predicament. Since He set the position with Eve, that the wife is a help meet to her husband, and a gift from God, then how can He give a woman who does not trust Him, doesn’t know Him, and doesn’t enjoy the life He has given her to be a help meet to one of his sons? That’s just it, He can’t! So, my dear sisters, for all of you who have hopes of being a wife one day, I suggest you begin to see in God’s Word, what is the position and responsibility of a godly wife.

If you don’t know where to start, I do have a suggestion. I Peter 3: 1-2 (AMP) 1In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, 2When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your [reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him--to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].

Every word that is in bold face, study them to see how they apply to God as your husband [Ishi]. Find out what it means to really reverence God? To respect Him, defer to Him, revere Him and adapt to Him? This study will take sometime to accomplish, but it will change your life and thinking. Because once you can submit yourself to God in these ways, you will be on your way to having the stuff it takes to be a help mate to one of God’s men. Because for one, you will depend on God and not the man. And you will be in a place to accept whatever path God has chosen for you. That may include a husband, and it may not!

I pray my dear sisters; I have given you food for thought and hope for the future our Father has deemed for you, His daughter.