Want A Different Point Of View?

I often say that the world’s point of view compared to God’s point of view is always backwards and topsy-turvy. And the more I think about the truth of this in all aspect of Christian life it never ceases to amaze me how much of the world’s lies and foolishness have crept into the every day lifestyle of Christians. Now I know some of you are going to be upset with me, but I must add, “Especially in the life of single Christian women!” Okay, I’ve put it out there and I’m ready for any backlash that might come my way, but I would be remiss as a woman of God if I did not tell you the truth. We have already lived under the cloak of deception and untruth much longer than we should. It is time to use the key given us to unlock the chains that have held us captive for way too long. So today my dear sisters, I want you to take a step back and look at something from a totally different point of view then the world and many in the Church posses.

With marriage being so very prevalent on the minds of women (for so many different reasons) and the lack of marriage proposals, I think there is a solution that can save many women from undue emotional heartache. Now how does that sound? I hope you all agree that, that sounds GREAT!!!

First let me say that I am coming from the American culture point of view, so what I’m about to propose might seem strange to some because it will be more to what their culture is about, but since America has all but lost It’s mind as far as the things of God, my mentor, (she and I have discussed this in length) and I might be pioneers in opting for this change in thinking.

Are you ready for this? Well, here we go, ready or not. We think that women and men 25 years of age or older, should only date with the intent of marriage. That’s right, no more, no less. What??!!! Yes, I will repeat it for you so that you will know for sure you read it correctly the first time, “We think that women and men 25 years of age or older, should only date with the intent of marriage.” Oh and there is a second part to this. And…we feel you (as a couple) should start counseling right away to see if you are even suited for one another. WHAT??!!! Do I need to rewrite that sentence too? No, I don’t think so. I think you are beginning to understand what I’m saying. And with that understanding, let’s take a look at some of the whys?

For one, as women we have been taught to romanticize about prince charming, the knight in shining armor and our dream wedding has been planned since 4th grade. Now some of you might be laughing at this thought but there is probably more truth in what I just said, than most of us want to own up to. How many young women have high hopes of finding a husband in college? Probably way too many! That is why we looked at an age where there is a little more maturity and understanding of who you might be or who you are to become. At 18 years of age starting off at college, you are just getting your first taste of real decision making and freedom. Also a bunch of distractions are lurking in wait for you as is. If you are going to college then your top priority should be to focus on your schoolwork. Especially your freshman year! Courtship is a huge distraction that could cost you dearly. At age 25 you should have graduated undergrad school, or have worked in the world’s system or missions. You should have some inkling as to the call and destiny on your life.

I have a friend who when her husband proposed to her, (after he had graduated from college) he knew that God had called him into the mission field, so when he asked for her hand, he also told her that being his wife would mean going to the Arab nations. I can tell you that she did not jump up and down and hug and kiss all over him because she had be waiting and wondering why he had been dragging his feet in asking her. No!! She told him, she had to think about it and then pray. Why in that order? One, she was not desperate to be married, and two she was not sure she wanted to travel around the world as a missionary’s wife. Well, needless to say, God told her this was His will and they married have been for almost 20 years and spent many years in the Arab nations. They were both over 25 and had a better understanding of God in their lives than they did at 18. In fact she shared that at 18 she just wanted to be free to experience life and have fun. One of the furthest things from her mind was being a wife.

Let’s get back to why counseling before dating is a great course of action. The reason is things will come up that we often fantasize about but need a reality check on, way before we are emotionally involved and fall into the trap of denial. Because he smells good, looks good, dresses well, talks good, is a gentleman, has a nice car, works hard and loves the Lord does not mean that he is the one. If he is a man whose mother did everything for him and his father, and you were raised by a single independent mother, this could be a great area of dissention once married. If you love everything in its place and he is used to throwing his stuff anywhere and his mother picking it up, in the long term this could lead to huge fights. He is cheap and stingy with money. I’m not talking about being a good steward over what God has given, I’m talking cheap, doesn’t like to spend money and you like to do things that cost money. This will be a problem because you will spend your life begging for things or fighting over them. He grew up in a household where his mother was a great cook and cooked every day. You can’t boil water without almost burning the pan; tell me how is that going to work? Once the honeymoon is over he is going to desire good home cooked meals. Now these things might seem superficial, but anyone who has counseled couples will tell you that these are the type of things that cause problems in a marriage.

Now let’s take a look at if he doesn’t smell so good, and he is not one to keep his nails clean or frequent the barber as he should. Overall he is un-kept most of the time. Women like to look at men and think that we can change him, but I want to forewarn you my dear sisters, if you have a grown man that has peculiar hygiene habits, I say, “Look out” if you think you are going to retrain him. And the truth is, “You shouldn’t want too!” Wife is not the same position as mother. Let’s also look at the fact that there are women who do not keep a clean home. Dirty clothes all over the floor, sink full of dishes, stove with grease caked all over it, you only make up the bed when you decide to change your linen. And live daily under the misconception that you don’t have to clean the tub out because you only took a shower. That is not the makings for a good wife.

What counseling also does is give you both the opportunity to see if there are issues that are irreconcilable. How do you both feel about children and what is your conception of family? How does he interact with his family? How does he handle money? What dose he think about the role and position of women? But the big question is…..What vision has God planted in his heart? How would you as his wife fit into this vision? This is serious stuff, and it would be prudent to find out the answer to these questions before you invest time and your emotional wellbeing, only to find out later that this is not it!

The world’s mindset is to date and see what happens. If it doesn’t workout then you just move on to the next, and the next, and the next. Each time giving a little of yourself that you will never get back. If we believe that God is in control then why do we have to spend a lifetime of going through one guy after another? We don’t! And that’s the problem; God’s daughters don’t seem to realize this truth and have taken on the ways of the same world He has told us come out from among and to separate ourselves from. 2 Corinthians 6:17.

So for all my sisters out there who are chomping at the bit to get married, I hope I have given you some food for thought, before you jump off the cliff of fantasy and the world’s version of romance.




Blessings & Hugs
Ponnie

I'll be back with more on Wednesday, April 28th!


Thursday’s Blog: more humor from Cheryl, “Diary of Homeschool Mom”