FREE FROM IT ALL!

Single working mothers come in all shapes, and sizes. We are very young and some of us are much older, but there is one thing we all have in common, and that is, there are days we wished we were FREE!!!

Over the years I’ve learned that as women we are not always as open and upfront as we could be for other women. I’m not talking about telling all of our personal business, but just being transparent enough to tell the truth that everything is not always coming up roses.

As parents we need to be honest about how we are really doing and or how our children are doing. No matter how smart or well behaved your child or children are, they are not perfect and they all go through growing pains. And when they do, we usually have to go along for the ride with them. ~Smile~

There is a particular MO (motive of operation) that our enemy has used since the garden, and that is to isolate us and then advise us. He did it to Eve, and since it worked so well, he continues to use that same MO, still getting the same wonderful results. As single working mothers it is easy to become isolated in our own little world or family. This is a good setup for us to begin to think that we are the only ones who have those days when we wish we were FREE! Free from the responsibility, free from the madness, free from the drama, free to do what we want to do, when we want to do it! Yes, there are days we just want to be FREE from it all. Why is that? Simply because being a single parent is not easy. But then parenting period is work, single or two parent household. It is work! And both scenarios have their pros and cons. I know married women who have become Believers after marriage with kids and their husbands are yet to come into the Kingdom of God, which does create its own brand of problems. I say this because often we feel that married women have it better than us. Not necessarily so. But in Christ we are all equal, and that is an important truth to remember on those days you feel like you could run away and never come back.

We may have taken different roads to become single mothers. It could have been the road of being a widow, going through a divorce, adoption, In Vitro Fertilization, and or just plain old poor choices. But in the end it really doesn’t matter which road you traveled to get to the place of single mom, as much as once you find yourself there, there is much work to be done.

I don’t know about the rest of you but there have been days in my life that I just wanted to scream, “I’VE HAD IT!!!” In fact I’ve done it in my heart of hearts even if not out loud. Most times when I find myself in that place, I am feeling overwhelmed, alone and very frustrated. It can be a gambit of reasons at the time and depending on what age my child is at the time, dictates the level of frustration. If you have teens or children who are tweens, you know that life defiantly gets more challenging, versus when they are 6 or 7 years of age. And when I would sit back and took a good look at what was going on, isolation or feelings of inadequacies often where the root of the problem. How many of you have ever experienced thoughts such as, “I’m such a bad mother!” From the show of hands I would have to say, “Just about all of us!” Or I’d start to feel sorry for myself and my life. “God, why me? Why does life have to be so hard?” “I try so hard, and it never seems to workout! Boo hoo.” But one day I felt free enough to voice to someone how I was feeling and why, and guess what? She was going through the same thing, and she was married. Oops!!!

This particular woman had a husband that traveled a lot for his job and her life on some levels looked a lot like that of a single mom. Though she did not have a paid job, she still had to hold down the fort so to speak. Our daughters were around the same age and as we began to talk about some of the behaviors and attitudes they were exhibiting, we begin to realize that this must be a normal stage for them at this age. But, since we were sort of isolated in our feelings, we had both been listening to the voice of that little lower level devil that has a tendency to sit on your shoulder and whispers doubt and unbelief to you. It looked like all our payers had gone unchecked as our girls seemed to be crazy, when in truth they were just testing the waters and stretching their wings. Also we were being a bit controlling when it was time to let go a little and really trust God a little more. But because we were afraid to voice how we were really feeling, our misconception of how things really were, began to get bigger than life in our minds. Boy were we both so relieved to know we were not alone and our kids were not losing their minds. And neither were we! LOL!!

As an inner city missionary whose ministry is women and children in crisis, I must say the Church and most church assemblies have really missed the mark for single moms. And single mothers are a huge part of the Body of Christ, yet……they are not looked after as they should be. I’ve been associated with many different churches and different denominations and I’ve seen this over and over. Single mothers need support. Sometimes that support is financial, but mainly it is spiritual. Single mothers need a safe place (a place were they feel free to speak what is on their hearts without fear of judgment or hearing their lives repeated as gossip) to gather and talk. Because what happens is, they find out they are not alone. They find encouragement and support. They are reassured that they are good mothers and that though life may be hard or difficult at this time, that raising children is but for a season and then they are on their own. And they also come to see that children go through stages in life that are normal for growth and maturity. It is very reassuring to hear that 4 out of the 6 women in the group are experiencing the same issues you are with their children. Then it becomes, “Wow, then it’s not just me…phew!! What a relief that is.” But most of all with this comes hope and encouragement to hang in there. Even if you are experiencing something that is really challenging, the others are there to listen, encourage and pray with you.

I want to encourage you as single mothers to find (or even create) a safe place for women to talk about being single moms. Don’t continue to carry the burden of single parenting alone. Psalms 1 tells us that there is safety in godly counsel. There are some of us that have raised our kids, or are coming to the end and we can help just as others have helped us. Once I knew that I was not alone in how I felt, I was more willing to seek an ear when things seemed to be crashing down around me or those old feelings of being inadequate reared its ugly head. I was blessed to have a mentor who still to this day, helps me see more clearly my relationship and responsibility to my youngest daughter. And she has guided me through the toughest part of single parenting and that is….Trusting God in all of it!

To be able to express the “truth” about how you feel, really will make you FREE!

Single parenting has its ups and downs just like any other part of life, but God has not left anyone out in His grace, mercy or love. Single mothers do not get a lesser portion; in fact He has made special provision for the widow and fatherless child. Also, He has promised to be our Husband (Ishi) see Hosea in the Amplified Bible.

Do not continue to suffer in silence. Start by not only praying for yourself, but begin to pray for all the single mothers you know and those in your congregation. It should be easier now that you know that you are not alone and others need prayer and encouragement too.




Blessings & Love
Ponnie

Thrusday's Blog: Esther-Marie our single "World Traveler"