I Must Confess!

I have a confession to make.

A couple of weeks ago I woke up with such a feeling of dread and self doubt over the decision I made to homeschool my daughter, Mali.

It was crazy!!

I was preparing to start our school day when all of a sudden it hit me like a bag of bricks! I began to think that keeping Mali home and homeschooling her was the craziest idea I ever had, and I was wrong to think this was what was best for her. I began to have thoughts of her not learning enough and to think that she was behind other children her age. In that short period of time, I had convinced myself she needed to go back to a brick and mortar school environment and be taught by a REAL teacher. Yes, I even had thoughts of inadequacy to teach my own 7th grader.

I began to pray, “Lord, help me even in my periods of doubt and unbelief!”

Have you ever been there? Have you ever prayed to God for direction as to which path to take or how to handle a certain situation? You received an answer from Him, but then begin to doubt that it was God who has provided this revelation?

You don’t have to answer that question but I am sure that I am not alone. LOL!

So here I am praying and asking God to take away my moment of fear and doubt. The truth is...I knew this was just another trick of the enemy in an attempt to distract and take me off track as to what God had clearly outlined for me and Mali. My decision to homeschool was not made lightly and after much prayer I was assured this was the path He wanted me to take. Therefore since I knew all of these things to be true, it would reason the doubt and fear I felt had to be a lie and not from God.

I would like to describe my moment as a moment of temporary insanity! LOL!

I felt so ashamed over my little episode; I posted about it on the local homeschool message board to see if I was alone in having this type of experience. Well, the response was immediate! I was so relieved to find that MANY parents have had this very same experience. It’s so funny because one parent even wrote that she has been homeschooling for many years and still suffers with moments of fear and doubt. She says that it typically happens 6-8 weeks into the school year initially and then again sometime around spring break. Ironically, my little “attack” happened right around the 6 week mark. Wow, that must make me normal! LOL!

Stories began to pour in about all the different reasons people chose to homeschool, and each parent explained it was because of those reasons they are reminded that their decision was the right one. I began to reflect on my own reasons (social and academic) and reminded myself why I made the decision to provide Mali with an education that caters to her individual learning style and protect her from some of the social issues she has encountered. I researched and found all the right tools to create a great curriculum for her. I have fully invested my time and efforts to make sure that the plan is a success and most importantly, I have prayed fervently for direction.

I then began to reflect on what we have accomplished so far.

Mali is LEARNING! She is a beast when it comes to math and aces all of her assessments. She also loves science and is learning and retaining everything that we have covered so far. She doesn’t care too much for studying grammar, vocabulary and language arts. And as a result we often find ourselves in a daily struggle to make it through those subjects. Fortunately, I see what the problem is and I’ve been able to take the time necessary to work with her and she is making progress. The truth be told, the school year is going great!

So why did I ever allow myself to become a victim of fear and doubt?

I don’t know? I will probably have several more moments like this one. Why? Because I love my daughter and I really want what’s best for her. I want to help her to reach every goal and become the successful young lady that God has created her to be. I don’t want to fail her. I just have to remember that the Lord is my strength and I can do all things through HIM!


Until the next time,
Sasha

I will be back very soon with another "Single Homeschool Mom" blog, hope to see you then!


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