The Kitchen Table: What Do Words Mean?

Years ago I was a huge fan of Living Single minus some episodes. Living Single was a sitcom starring Queen Latifah, Kim Coles, Kim Fields Erica Alexander, TC Carson and John Henton. The premise of the show was about six single people living in New York and their everyday experiences. (BTW this was a couple of years before the show Friends) One day I was watching the episode where Regine (played by Kim Fields) was to meet friends of her boyfriend (Heavy D). One of the friends wrote a poem that went like this: “What do words mean, what do mean words mean, what do I mean by these words, don’t listen to the words, listen to the spaces, the spaces, the spaces the (pause) like that one……..WORD!!!”

So I ask you what do words mean? How do they impact us within the context of marriage? So many times we may say things and not think about what type of impact they are having on our mates and the people around us. Proverbs 18:20 says “Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.” (NLT) Sometimes the words we use will bring consequences that we do not foresee and must live with. Proverbs 18:6 states “Fools' words get them into constant quarrels; they are asking for a beating.” When we read these passages it should speak to our hearts to use wisdom and how we communicate.

For several years I had the pleasure of being a women’s discipleship leader in my church. As leaders, we were given the responsibility to help other women to grow in their faith through classes that were geared specifically toward their needs. The verse that I choose each year for my women to memorize was Ephesians 4:29-30 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” The reason I chose these verses was two fold. One reason was because I realized that as women we have an opinion on just about everything if we are asked. Second because as Christian women we should be careful to show the love of Christ through our words. I once read that the tongue is the most exercised muscle in the body. Also it is estimated that the words we speak in a week can fill a 500 page book. That is a whole lot words in one week!

When the Bible says don’t let unwholesome words come out of your mouth it basically means that the words you use should be kind, encouraging and useful. Our words should be able to speak blessings into someone’s life. We can bless someone by just saying how nice they look or how much you appreciate them being in your life. You can never know how much speaking a kind word to someone can bless them. It may be the only kind word they hear that day. The Bible continues to say that our words should be helpful in building others up according to their needs and that it would be of benefit to them. This should say to us that the words we are saying to someone are not for us, it is for the other person. The person should feel good after being in your presence and not like they have been hit by a 16-wheeler truck! What use are our words if they kill the spirit of the person you are talking to.

In marriage we have an uncanny way of getting “under the skin” of our spouse because of words we say. We know exactly what to say to make our spouse mad or to get a reaction. We tend to be less careful with the words we use with our spouses especially when we are mad. We are more careful with the words that we use with a stranger than we are with our spouse, who we are suppose to be close to. Why is that? Is it because the stranger or the person who we don’t really know that well is held in higher regard then our spouse? I can’t speak for you but I can say for myself that I think it’s because we tell ourselves that our spouses have to take whatever we say because we are married to them. Maybe we need to get to the point where we realize that no one really has to take our mean words or our bad attitudes. They really put up with it because they love us. God doesn’t have to put up with us either but He continues to show us His love each day despite our sometimes blatant disregard of His Word. God could take back His breath any time He wants but His grace is shown in spite of us and our actions. I don’t know about you but that sure is good to know!

The youth at my church will sometimes say “Why you sipping on Hater-ade? I thought that was funny. I asked is that a play on the word hater and Gatorade? They told me it was. So I figured that since Gatorade gives you energy to keep you going it was pretty appropriate to use this term to describe someone who is “hating” on someone or not saying kind things about someone.

So ladies, in the spirit of our young people, whose slang really intrigues me, let’s start sipping on some edification-ade and see if we can keep it going!