Be Sure To Taste Your Words Before You Use Them - Part III

James 1:19, My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Taking a moment to taste our words beforehand gives us time to judge how bitter or sweet they may be and choose whether or not to serve them. Being slow to speak keeps us from sin.

Our tongues like anything else in this world has a flipside to God’s intended use. We can use it to build up or tear down. It has the potential to be, lying, boastful, accusing, gossiping, slanderous, and or cursing. Or it can be a soothing ointment to a wounded spirit, helpful, encouraging, and full of blessings. But the power lies within us whether or not we are going to use it to be a tree of life or crush a spirit.

Growing up in a home of physical, emotional and mental abuse, I know all too well what harm a mother’s slanderous, mean spirited and hateful words can do to the spirit of a child. My mother’s daily communication of how I was useless and meaningless as a human being took its toll at a very young age—even more so than the beatings. I grew up to be a very wound bird until the love of Christ showed me how wrong she was. I share this because I know some of you have lived the same type of life and some of you find yourselves in the same role as my mother. The abuser! Why? Hurting people hurt others and there is healing needed in your life.

I stated in last week’s blog, anger and unforgiveness are root causes for hurtful and cutting words. And once spoken, once put into the air, we are never able to take them back. I have long forgiven my mother and I am healed of the great pain and damage her words did, but there are still times, the enemy tries to use them against me, and I am 60 years old.

As daughters of the Most High, we must continually strive to be like the Proverbs 31 woman… When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly." Proverbs 31:26 (MSG)

It is very important our speech is worthwhile—valuable and of great use and service. They need to be beneficial , rewarding, advantageous, positive, helpful, profitable, gainful, fruitful, productive, lucrative, constructive, effective, effectual, and meaningful to others. This is why it is so important we take a moment to make sure we will be building up and not tearing down before we open our mouths.

Usually our families and those closest get the words we don’t take time to taste beforehand. At work or in public we aren’t necessarily as quick to say what we are feeling at the moment. But at home it can be a different story. We yell at our children out of frustration and disrespect our husbands in our anger. How often have you said something you have regretted? We are all guilty! But it is still not an excuse to continue allowing our tongues to have rule in a way that is not pleasing to God and harmful to others.

I live on the Northeast corridor of the USA, so if I were to plant a rose bush in December with below freezing temperatures it would die. It would yield nothing because it was planted out of season—same with our words. Timing is everything! Proverbs 15:23 says, “A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season, how good it is!” There is a time to be quiet and a time to speak and we need to know the difference, because even when what we are saying is truth and good, if out of season—nothing beneficial is produced.

There was a period when I found myself constantly in verbal arguments with my youngest daughter’s father. I was at a point in my walk with God I knew something had to change for me. I was sick of it!! The Holy Spirit led me to study the book of Proverbs. Using a paperback version of “The Living Bible” I highlighted everything concerning the tongue, speech, talking and my words with colorful markers. Not only was it eye opening, but also helped me change to the point where he could no longer bait me into arguing with him. Well, most times that is…LOL! And it made for a wonderful study guide anytime I needed to be reminded of how I am to handle my words and control my tongue. All I had to do was reread all the highlighted scriptures.

Sisters, next time you are tempted to scream at your kids, jump in your husband’s face, or argue your point to someone, take a moment to taste your words and remember Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

If you feel led to do the Proverbs study, I guarantee, you will be blessed. One chapter a day until you finish. Not only will you learn how to watch your words, but reading Proverbs will enlighten you in more ways than you can imagine! Amen!

Next week’s blog expounds on our words a little more, “Advice versus Opinions”….be blessed!!

Love & Hugs
Ponnie

Why Are You Yelling? Part II

James 1:19, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”

Nope you didn’t miss “slow to speak” I have taken them out of order because anger and unforgiveness can be a root as to why we don’t stop and think about what we are getting ready to say.

Anger….a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility, rage, vexation, exasperation, displeasure, crossness, irritation, irritability and the list goes on! If I were to list all the different variables for anger we could call it the 50 Shades of Anger. Anger can be a mild form of irritation or full blown burst of rage. Either way, it spells trouble!

Earlier this year I went to a brunch with a friend and found myself very disappointed. For the price it was not what I was used too and when we arrived all the food was gone. It was only one half an hour from when it started and was scheduled for 2 hours. When more food did come out I didn’t eat anything and barely got a cup of coffee so I asked for my money back. At this point I was in the realm of “displeasure”. At the time the person in charge had her hand on my shoulder and I could feel her take an extremely deep breath, pause and then answered, “Sure Sister Ponnie, you can have your money back.” I really did appreciate her taking that deep breath before answering, because if she had not agreed, there was the grave possibility my displeasure would have crossed over to irritability, and irritability is just not a good color on me. But her soft and agreeable answer was just what the situation needed.

Cussing and throwing things at your husband, most defiantly falls in the realm of “Rage”! Throwing his clothes onto the lawn is vexation. Shaking your child and beating them while yelling insults and curses is a rage that is out of control. It is sin at its ugliest.

Calling anyone who will listen to you assassinate and destroy a person’s character because they have wronged you is an anger fueled by unforgiveness.

Some of us have deep rooted anger that has been festering for many years. When you own this type of anger it becomes your everyday filter. It’s always with you. Telling you it is okay to be rude and sharp tongued. It cosigns how critical you are of others, yet never allows you to accept constructive criticism with grace and love.

There is a large group of us who are just overwhelmed with life. Dealing with the stresses of caring for a sick parent, the daily challenges of single parenting, you wish your husband would do more, stuck in a job you hate, or life is nothing like you had hoped.

Do you find yourself easily angered with those closest to you? Do you quickly give into the emotions fueled by your anger? Are you rude, mouthy and disrespectful to your husband? Do you scream at your children a lot? Is everyone in your house walking on eggshells, because the smallest of things will set you off? If so, it’s time for things to change!

Personally I can go from 0 to 80 with the snap of my fingers with my 20 year old daughter. Most of it stems from my frustration with her not doing things in the manner I expect, or her answering me back. We are in that peculiar stage where she is no longer a child, but not as grown as she thinks she is. Like most college students she is still very dependent on me, but at the same time she is moving into discovering who she is as a young woman. Our time together is sporadic because she lives on campus and we see each other here and there until the summer and then we are back to living together. With each passing summer there seems to be more of an adjustment needed because not only is she changing, but so am I.

My daughter hates when I raise my voice at her and truthfully so do I. It doesn’t feel good when I’m angry with her, especially when I have flown off the handle. How do I plan to change this? Prayer and better communication for both of us. And without a doubt some deep breaths on my part! I am so looking forward to the summer of 2014 being different and much better as we move forward in our relationship reflecting the love of Christ in all aspects.

God is never pleased when we behave poorly and we shouldn’t be either. We can’t allow anger to rule and be justified as acceptable because of the circumstances that invoked us. We must take a long look as to why we are struggling with anger in our lives, no matter how small or how big.

Proverbs tells us “an angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins”. We don’t want to be that person, we should rather desire to be a I Peter 3:3-4 kind of woman…” 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

Sisters, it is time to kick the urge to go from 0 to 100 because anger has rule over us. It is time to take deep breaths, pause and respond to people in a way that is pleasing to God and beneficial to others. Amen!

Next week: All about being slow to speak, until then….be blessed!!

Love & Hugs
Ponnie

Don’t Ever Forget—It is Best to Listen Much! Part I

James 1:19, My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. We will be taking a look at this scripture for the first 3 Fridays in September, please be sure to join us each week.

Listening is becoming a lost art of sorts. It seems to have a lot to do with all the new technology which is available to us. We are getting to the place where we’re replacing good old fashioned face-to-face talks or phone conversations, with emotionless emails, instant messaging and texting. I don’t know about anyone else, but I hate it when I’m out with someone and they are engrossed in texting on their phone. I’ve had to come up with a rule—no phones unless it is an emergency or we can’t hangout. It is very rude and people have to be reminded.

It shows just how far we have come from having actual conversation, because most times a quick phone call can handle the situation instead of 20 minutes of back and forth texting. We are no longer good listeners, because there is no skill set necessary to listen to words typed on a screen.

To listen is to hear attentively and pay attention. In my training as a counselor, listening was a skill we really had to work on crafting. We were given exercises on how to focus and listen to the client. One technique was to keep repeating in your head what they were saying and jotting down a note or two on things you wanted to go over with them when they were finished. This way you didn’t give in to the temptation to interrupt. One of the worst things we can do when someone is talking to us is start shaking our heads and going, “Un ha, un ha!” It’s a tell that you want them to hurry up because you have something to say, which means you are also not really paying attention at this point. But it seems the enemy has really duped us when it comes to listening to godly advice or wisdom. We are so quick to defend ourselves instead of trying to hear what they are saying.

When my youngest daughter was a teenager we often found ourselves in conflict when I tried to talk to her about certain things. I couldn’t finish a statement before she was defending herself or trying to turn things around on me. Sound familiar moms? So, I came up with a plan that when we needed to have a talk we each would get 5 minutes to speak and then the other person had 5 minutes to respond. We were not allowed to interrupt the other while they were talking. This did help, but there were still times we had to take a break because I am not a good listener at all when I’m angry or upset. And as all mothers with teens know, they can provoke you unto anger at any given moment! ~Smile~

I must say, that she has grown up to be a pretty good listener even though she may not always be willing to receive what I have to say, but I am proud that we are both growing in the area of mother/daughter serious conversations.

Proverbs 19:20…”Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise”. This proverb has no age boundary; it is for anyone who wants to be wise in the things of God.

Recently while talking to a friend and trying to convey my desire to do mostly “faith based writing,” before I could finish my thought she interrupted to tell me how all my writing was faith based no matter my audience or topic I was writing about. That is a true statement, but in the writing world, “Faith Based Writing” is a term used to clarify a writing genre for religious or Christian audiences. I didn’t bother to tell her what I meant because at that point it wasn’t important. But it made me really think about how important it is to listen and let people finish talking before we jump in. It also prompted me to check myself and see if I too were guilty of doing this same thing. And you know what? I quickly realized I have a tendency of doing it to my 20 year old daughter, especially when she is sharing something new and exciting with me. I was grateful for the experience so that a correction could be made in me. I’m working hard to let her tell what it is she wants to share before adding my two cents.

To become a good listener takes patience and practice. Being quick to listen when someone is trying to help you, takes even more practice, because it is human nature to want to defend and explain ourselves. Everyone who gives advice is not always pure of heart, but it still doesn’t hurt to listen unless they are being abusive. But if you have godly people in your life who love and care for you, be quick to listen, you don’t have to agree with them or do anything with what they have said, but there is a great benefit to listening and if you are always doing most of the talking or constantly interrupting, you do miss out.

One thing we should all take a long look at and that is—how well do we listen to hear God?

Next week’s blog will talk about “being slow to become angry”! Yes, I’ve taken it out of order because anger often plays a huge role in our not being slow to speak.

Another Biblegateway.com challenge for you—search out the world “Listen” (NIV translation) in the book of Proverbs, you will be blessed!

Look for a blog next week, until then….be blessed!!

Love & Hugs
Ponnie

Looking for the Wealth in Our Lives

Wealth: an abundance of valuable possessions or money, synonyms: affluence, prosperity, riches, means, substance, fortune….This is the world’s definition of “wealth” but does not apply to the Believer.

To Kingdom dwellers, money is the last rung on God’s ladder of prosperity “aka” lowest priority. Why? Because there are so many things money cannot buy—God’s wisdom says…”17 I love those who love me and those who seek me find me. 18 With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. 19 My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver.” Proverbs 8:17-19 (NIV)

How do we look for the wealth in our lives? For starters I think we must settle in our minds and hearts that God is good…period! We are quick to shout and sing His praises when we get what we want. But the truth is…God is good no matter what may come your way. When the engagement your praised Him for abruptly ends his goodness still remains. Nothing about Him changes when the company you work for folds, leaving everyone locked out and owed 2 weeks pay with no unemployment benefits. He’s still a good God when you have miscarriage after miscarriage. And when your husband leaves you and your children for another woman, God’s greatness is not altered in anyway…He is good no matter what!

Second we have to agree with Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose.” And third, we need to stop comparing our lives to the lives of others.

The Bible tells us to not be conformed to this world, but in many ways we are. On a whole the average Christian receives more messages daily on the world’s way of doing things versus God’s. We often spend more time watching TV, texting and perusing Facebook, than we do reading our Bibles and listening to the Word of God. Seeds are planted everyday with subtle things that pull our hearts away from God and His truths. I really believe this. Why else would so many of us who proclaim to be followers of Christ, be so unhappy and dissatisfied with our lives? Why are we complaining, and feeling sorry for ourselves, instead of praising God for the wealth in our lives? Yes, the wealth, the riches, which have nothing to do with money—at all!

Money cannot buy true love. Love is a gift and it cannot be bought. If so, we would be able to buy or work for our salvation—impossible! Money cannot replace a child who was murdered, kidnapped, committed suicide, dies of natural causes or a drug overdose. No way can it replace the sweet hug of a child after they have told you how much they love you. There are many things in life we hold dear and take for granted, that if taken away money could never replace.

A friend once shared how the praise and worship music at her church is loud and can be very annoying instead of uplifting at times. One particular Sunday morning she was grumbling and complaining about it to God in her spirit, when the Holy Spirit reminded her that it could be arranged that she never heard it again. At that very moment she stopped complaining about the music. I laughed at first when she told me the story, but it really was serious business, because there is wealth and riches in being able to hear.

Sisters it is time to look at life through the filter of the Bible and Holy Spirit of God, and not the filter of the world! There shouldn’t be a morning we open our eyes, we don’t start praising God for another day and life. There are people with plenty of money yet they are lonely, sick, dying and have minds that no longer serve them. Their money might buy the care and help they need, but I’m sure they would give every penny away to be able to remember loved ones and function on their own.

If you are in a season of change or hardship, just remember God has allowed it and He is working it together for your good, if you truly love Him. If you are stuck between a rock and a hard place of your own doing, then you must accept the consequence and prayerfully you will learn from them, but you still have God’s unconditional love…and no amount of money can buy that! And please, stop comparing your life to that of others! If you really believe God is good, and He is working it out...then praise Him for what you have and where you are...Amen!

I have a challenge for you today. Go to Biblegateway.com and search the word “wealth” in the NIV translation and read all the verses that come up in the book of Proverbs. You will be blessed.

Look for a blog next week, until then….be blessed!!

Love & Hugs
Ponnie

Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?

Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd used to do a skit in the 70’s on SNL (Saturday Night Live) called, Mr. and Mrs. Whiner. It was hilarious and an era when SNL was not raked with filth. They talked in these nasally little voices and whined about any and everything. They always made me laugh. But the truth be told, “whining” is unbecoming in children, and even more so for adults. Honestly, most people do not like to be around whiners—I know I don’t.

Whine: to complain in a peevish, self-pitying way. Don't think that is pleasing to God.

Last week I wrote about the benefits of having women of wisdom in our lives and today’s blog seems to be a continuance of sorts. Women filled with godly wisdom will never edge you on to be a whiner and will always decline the invitation to partake in your pity parties. How can I be so sure about that? Well, godly wisdom knows to agree with God, and not go against Him. It’s impossible to have a grateful heart with praise for our King, if we are whining and feeling sorry for ourselves? Period! Also godly wisdom will correct you in love.

Not too long ago a Facebook friend decided to vent one day on her status and concluded she hoped she didn’t come off as whining. A couple of her friends (not everyone) told her it was okay to whine and God understood! Bad advice! It is never okay to whine. Whining is a way of saying God is failing in some way. It is complaining on the worst level possible.

As a daughter of the King have I ever been a whiner? Yes, I have! But I’ve been blessed to have women in my life who are not willing to co-sign my foolishness. They challenge and provoke me to be the best I can in Christ.

Self pity used to be a very close friend to me. I can’t begin to tell you how many full fledge pity parties I’ve held over the years. I would set the table, send out open invitations and wait for despair, discouragement, discontentment, envy, unbelief, fear, woe is me, God has forgotten you, and a host of other crazy spirits to show up to help me waddle in my self-made grief. But with the help of my godly friends and growth in the Word of God, I have learned pity parties are not beneficial and made the choice to no longer indulge. This doesn’t mean that from time-to-time I still don’t battle the spirit of self-pity or discouragement, because I do. I just choose not to let them have reign over me. And so can you.

Maturity in the Lord helps us to more easily squash the temptation to whine or complain about life by turning our focus more on what the Bible has to say about us and our circumstances. Does this happen overnight? Oh, how I wish it did, but no, we must put in the time and effort for change to come. And there lies the problem for many of God’s girls. We can be very lax and even lazy when it comes to spending the time needed with Him to have a renewed mind and build up our faith. Also, for some, we have trouble agreeing with God in ALL things. We desire to pick and choose, which never works out for anyone.

Jesus tells us, “We will have tribulations in this world” John 33:16, so why do we act so crazy when things happen? Why do we fall apart and need 100 people to pray for us? Because it is hard to build an ark once the flood has come. That’s why! How can we change this cycle? By spending time to build our faith so when and if the flood gates of hell open up on us…we are prepared to stand in the midst of the storm. Does it mean we will come through unscathed? Probably not, but we will look and smell a little more like Christ at the other end.

How we respond to the trials in our lives is the biggest witness for Christ we will most likely have. Why should people in the world want your God, when it seems you are always whining about what you don’t have or what is going on in your life? What kind of God leaves His children in positions of complaint and woo-is-me? Think about it, if you are a whiner or one who is always feeling sorry for themselves, what kind of witness are you for God? Truth is, “You are a poor witness.” This is why whining and self pity is not beneficial. They profit nothing for the Kingdom, others or you. So, I don’t care what is going on in your life, don’t agree with anyone who tells you its okay to whine.

“Would you like some cheese with that whine” is an old adage and it’s a tongue in cheek way of being sarcastic. In other words, the one saying it to you really is not interested in hearing you whine.

Sisters it is time to grow up and get in agreement with God. Study your Bibles, pray and surround yourselves with godly women who know the Word of God, and can instruct you according to biblical truths versus their opinion. Remember, opinions are like eyeballs, just about everyone has them.

Let’s spend some time meditating on what 1Thessalonians 5:18 means, “In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” But only after you take a hard look to see where your problems are rooted. Sometimes we are the cause of our hard times. Amen!

Look for a blog next week, until then….be blessed!!

Love & Hugs
Ponnie