Listening is becoming a lost art of sorts. It seems to have a lot to do with all the new technology which is available to us. We are getting to the place where we’re replacing good old fashioned face-to-face talks or phone conversations, with emotionless emails, instant messaging and texting. I don’t know about anyone else, but I hate it when I’m out with someone and they are engrossed in texting on their phone. I’ve had to come up with a rule—no phones unless it is an emergency or we can’t hangout. It is very rude and people have to be reminded.
It shows just how far we have come from having actual conversation, because most times a quick phone call can handle the situation instead of 20 minutes of back and forth texting. We are no longer good listeners, because there is no skill set necessary to listen to words typed on a screen.
To listen is to hear attentively and pay attention. In my training as a counselor, listening was a skill we really had to work on crafting. We were given exercises on how to focus and listen to the client. One technique was to keep repeating in your head what they were saying and jotting down a note or two on things you wanted to go over with them when they were finished. This way you didn’t give in to the temptation to interrupt. One of the worst things we can do when someone is talking to us is start shaking our heads and going, “Un ha, un ha!” It’s a tell that you want them to hurry up because you have something to say, which means you are also not really paying attention at this point. But it seems the enemy has really duped us when it comes to listening to godly advice or wisdom. We are so quick to defend ourselves instead of trying to hear what they are saying.
When my youngest daughter was a teenager we often found ourselves in conflict when I tried to talk to her about certain things. I couldn’t finish a statement before she was defending herself or trying to turn things around on me. Sound familiar moms? So, I came up with a plan that when we needed to have a talk we each would get 5 minutes to speak and then the other person had 5 minutes to respond. We were not allowed to interrupt the other while they were talking. This did help, but there were still times we had to take a break because I am not a good listener at all when I’m angry or upset. And as all mothers with teens know, they can provoke you unto anger at any given moment! ~Smile~
I must say, that she has grown up to be a pretty good listener even though she may not always be willing to receive what I have to say, but I am proud that we are both growing in the area of mother/daughter serious conversations.
Proverbs 19:20…”Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise”. This proverb has no age boundary; it is for anyone who wants to be wise in the things of God.
Recently while talking to a friend and trying to convey my desire to do mostly “faith based writing,” before I could finish my thought she interrupted to tell me how all my writing was faith based no matter my audience or topic I was writing about. That is a true statement, but in the writing world, “Faith Based Writing” is a term used to clarify a writing genre for religious or Christian audiences. I didn’t bother to tell her what I meant because at that point it wasn’t important. But it made me really think about how important it is to listen and let people finish talking before we jump in. It also prompted me to check myself and see if I too were guilty of doing this same thing. And you know what? I quickly realized I have a tendency of doing it to my 20 year old daughter, especially when she is sharing something new and exciting with me. I was grateful for the experience so that a correction could be made in me. I’m working hard to let her tell what it is she wants to share before adding my two cents.
To become a good listener takes patience and practice. Being quick to listen when someone is trying to help you, takes even more practice, because it is human nature to want to defend and explain ourselves. Everyone who gives advice is not always pure of heart, but it still doesn’t hurt to listen unless they are being abusive. But if you have godly people in your life who love and care for you, be quick to listen, you don’t have to agree with them or do anything with what they have said, but there is a great benefit to listening and if you are always doing most of the talking or constantly interrupting, you do miss out.
One thing we should all take a long look at and that is—how well do we listen to hear God?
Next week’s blog will talk about “being slow to become angry”! Yes, I’ve taken it out of order because anger often plays a huge role in our not being slow to speak.
Another Biblegateway.com challenge for you—search out the world “Listen” (NIV translation) in the book of Proverbs, you will be blessed!
Look for a blog next week, until then….be blessed!!
Love & Hugs
Ponnie
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