Stop Running Away!

A couple of weeks ago I encountered an incident on Facebook where a Christian Facebook friend, didn’t like something I said and left the comment, “What you said, Ponnie was very mean!”

What offended her was, “Because you are Caucasian, it is impossible for you to understand where I’m coming from and what it is to be a Black person in America.” 

The whole thing was in response to a post I made about being silent at times speaks volumes…referring to our President elect being backed by an openly white supremacy group founder and leader.  

But here is the real kicker….she left the message, deleted me as a friend and blocked me so I couldn’t even find her name on Facebook. Wow!

Here’s the scenario that should have played out.

First, I would have apologized immediately for hurting her in anyway, and then I would have private messaged her to find out why she felt what I said, was mean. As two sisters-in-Christ, we should have been able to quickly fix the problem—but she ran away.

This seems to be a common thread I’m seeing in those of us who profess, Christ as Lord. And it just shouldn’t be.

The Bible instructs us explicitly on how to handle adversity and misunderstandings. We serve the God of reconciliation—not separation.

Since I wasn’t given the opportunity to talk it through, I did the next best thing—I prayed.

Working with women in crisis for many years, I’ve learned that hurting people are often far from rational thinkers. And yes, even Believers. And I’m assuming I hit some type of nerve or wound that has yet healed. So, I’m keeping her in prayer and the door open if she ever contacts me.

This is not my first encounter with this type of emotional behavior, but it did prompt me to really look at why, we as daughters of the King behave so poorly to one another and think it is okay?

I am a kind person, so it is never my intent to purposely offend anyone—especially when I have time to think about it. Am I bragging on myself? No. But we must know our strengths as well as our weaknesses. And truthfully over the years, I have met many missionaries and they have all been kind and generous people. It’s a characteristic God gives us to do the job.

There was a time I would take it on and beat myself up when something like this happened. But as I've grown in the Word (and as long as I didn’t intentionally mean any harm), I've learned to let it go. But if given the opportunity to make things right or apologize…I am right there. Why? Because, blessed is the peacemaker and we are to live in peace as long as it is within our power. That’s how the Bible runs it down.

Think about it, if a Native American felt I wasn’t getting what they were saying about their experience here in the United States and said to me, “Ponnie I don’t expect you to get it because you have never lived on a reservation.” You know what—they would be telling the truth! I really don't have a clue.

I’ve found that we are afraid of truth. For many different reason we think truth is out to get us, when in fact—it’s out to help and set us free.

Lysa TerKeurst talks about this in her new book, “Uninvited…Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely,” great book! Especially if you are afraid of truth.

Here’s another example…one day while talking to a sister who has been known to have what I like to call, “a know-it-all-spirit,” I just couldn’t take it anymore! (Well, I could have if I had allowed God’s grace to prevail.) I jumped in with both feet and ran it down how far off she was from the bible in what she was saying. She didn’t like it, but it was the truth. Was it the truth in love? I would have to say, “No.” She was infamous for giving advice under the guise of being spiritual. But the truth is…anything that doesn’t line up with the Word of God is wrong information or a lie—period.

A week or so later, I received a teaching CD in the mail with a note to listen to it and there was no need to respond or bother to contact her. Oh-kay! I saw the setup and threw it in the trash. And that was the end of that. What she did is a big fat, No-No! But it just supported my case even more.

Sisters, communication is a two-way street. Again, trying to have the last word and then running away. Is not Jesus' way.

Time passed and we were okay. Never to speak on it again.

The lesson I’ve learned over the years, is to not let drama play out on Facebook or anywhere else.

This past summer a family member was to stop by one day to visit. It really wasn’t a big deal when they didn’t show up because nothing special had been planned. The next day I sent a text, “Oh it was so nice spending time with you yesterday. We must do it again!” (Or something to that effect.) Nonetheless, it was all tongue in cheek.

I was expecting some type of snarky retort such as, "Girl! I haven't had so much fun in a long time! LOL!" But instead my phone immediately rang, and she accused me of being passive/aggressive in my text.

What!

Since I am a much wiser woman these days, I quickly got off the phone and told her I needed to call her back. I prayed, laughed about it and gave it half an hour. Why? Because most of the time when stuff like this happens—it has nothing to do with us. It is all about what is going on with the other person. And in love we should see this.

When I called back, she was fine. She apologized for not calling to say she couldn’t make it, and shared the crazy kind of day she ran into.

Being residents of the Kingdom, there is a royal protocol for us to follow when it comes to dealing with strife, confrontation, adversity and being offended.

How can we ever expect to encourage the unsaved and godless that severing Jesus is something special when we act no differently than they do. Or in some cases—worse!

We can’t.

And this is another reason many people leave church congregations—they don’t see or feel the love that should be flowing from us.

Sisters, we cannot just shut people down and run away! Yes, there are times in our lives we must let people go because they are not good for us. But, having the last say and not giving the other person an opportunity to speak is not how Jesus would handle it.

I think Paul really sums it up in a nutshell for us in Ephesians 4:1-3, 31-32, (Amp)… 1So I, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to you to live a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called [this is, to live a life that exhibits godly character, moral courage, personal integrity, and mature behavior—a life that expresses gratitude to God for your salvation], 2with all humility [forsaking self-righteousness], and gentleness [maintaining self-control], with patience, bearing with one another in [unselfish] love. 3Make every effort to keep the oneness of the Spirit in the bond of peace [each individual working together to make the whole successful].

31Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, faultfinding] and slander be put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse.] 32Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.

Maybe some of you have a situation in your life right now where you need to make amends, or at least open the doors of communication. Don’t mess around with it any longer. Forgive. Ask to be forgiven. And move on.

May I suggest you read the entire chapter. Click here (Ephesians 4, Amplified Bible)

Remember...love never fails!

Until next week,

Love and Hugs

Ponnie