This story first posted May 19, 2010
In the classic movie All ABOUT EVE, Bette Davis says these famous words: “Fasten your seatbelts; it’s going to be a bumpy night!” That quote describes my experiences with Kaiya’s elementary and middle school years. Kaiya’s school career began in Christian private schools. In pre- Kindergarten, the teacher reported that Kaiya won’t sit still, she may have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and may need medication. I dismissed what her teacher said by thinking “She’s 4-5 years old. Do you really expect a 4 or 5 year old to sit still for hours at a time? I know adults that can’t do that!” By the time Kaiya reached the first grade, the teacher had concerns that Kaiya wasn’t keeping up with the kids in her class, her handwriting is awful (Well, so is mine! My mom has the pretty handwriting in the family. My younger sister and I obviously missed that gene), she won’t sit still, maybe she’s ADD (again?), and she pretends to be different characters during class time. When children are playing family, instead of Kaiya choosing to be the mom or daughter, Kaiya chooses to be the dog! I can laugh about this now but I didn’t think it was so funny then. I’m also well aware of Kaiya’s affinity to pretend to be different characters; she also created some of her own! I’ll save that story for a future blog, LOL! Out of all of her teacher’s concerns the ones that worried me was Kaiya’s inability to stay focused on class work and homework was a nightly struggle. You would think that I’m finished with her teacher’s complaints… Oops! I mean concerns, right? WRONG! She was also concerned that Kaiya pronounced “L” words with the letter “Y”. For example, the word “like” was pronounced “yike” and “yellow” was pronounced “lellow”.
It got to the point that her teacher insisted that we have an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting with special educators to discuss Kaiya’s lack of progress. At that meeting, the experts told her teacher: “Give her a break; all kids learn differently, she’s fine.” She was also evaluated by a speech therapist who said she’ll grow out of her problem and speak clearly as she matures. I was elated! As a parent, it feels good when experts validate that your child is “normal”. Nevertheless, Kaiya’s first grade teacher failed her at the end of the school year and recommended that she spend another year in first grade with her. I said, “She MUST be crazy, that AIN’T happening!” Kaiya was transferred to a different private Christian school.
Within a few weeks at the new school, the principal realized that Kaiya is bright and although she struggles with class work and math, she doesn’t need to be in the first grade. She promoted Kaiya to the second grade. Praise God! However, that school couldn’t keep teachers due to the small salary and from my understanding NO salary at times. So there was no consistency in her education and I transferred Kaiya to another school for the fourth grade.
Her next school was structured, but once again I heard: “Has she been checked for ADD?” from her teachers. The teacher also reported that Kaiya was playing with the boys instead of the girls. Kaiya reported to me that the girls wouldn’t play with her because she’s “bad” and always in trouble. Having my own experiences with the cliquish nature of young girls and grown women, my heart began to hurt. I asked God: “Why is school so difficult for Kaiya? Is it too much to ask to have a “normal child”? I don’t want Kaiya to chase after the boys who are starting to go through their “Girls stink” phase and I don’t want her to be mistreated by the girls. Please help Lord, Kaiya needs to do well in school and to make friends…. And frankly Lord, I need a break from the constant negativity about my child.”
My mother told me to read Daniel 1:17, God gave them knowledge and skill in all learning and wisdom (paraphrasing the King James Version) over Kaiya and to pray. My mother also kept the whole family in prayer. Thank God for a praying mother!
Things started to improve slightly for Kaiya at this school. Instead of seeing C’s and D’s with an occasional B, her report card had B’s and C’s with an occasional A! Kaiya continued with that school for 2 years until its untimely closing due to financial problems.
Here we go again, another new school… this time I chose a secular private school where children are encouraged to be different. Kaiya experienced some negativity from one student but she also made a few friends. I thought, “This may work!” Apparently Kaiya was “too” different for them, because teachers once again approached with the ADD, handwriting and class work concerns. A new concern was that she isn’t as mature as the other girls. From my observation, some of the girls in her class had diva attitudes, wore makeup and behaved like miniature grown women. I told them that if your definition of being mature is having an attitude, talking about having boyfriends and wearing makeup; I prefer Kaiya stay immature! At this point I was at my wits end from the years of hearing teachers say negative things, questioning her intelligence and her behavior in the classroom. I would like to say that I sat down, put my arm around her and gently said “Kaiya, I know you’re a bright girl, you need to show everyone else how bright you are. Please stop misbehaving, I love you! Sounds cute, but this is real life, not a TV show. This is what actually happened, I told her: “You’re in the sixth grade and it’s time to grow up! You can sit still, you can write neatly, and you can stop being so weird! (Oh my goodness, did she tell her child to stop being weird? Yes she did!) At our third IEP meeting, the experts once again said that Kaiya was fine. At this point I wasn’t so sure that I believed them myself but I continued to pray. Towards the end of the school year I searched for another school because tuition at this school was draining my pockets.
I’m sorry, but I must stop at this point. I hope that you will return in two weeks to read the EXCITING conclusion of how God saved a frazzled mother from losing it, and a daughter from hating school. God is truly awesome! ~Smile~
See you in 2 weeks,
Jennifer
I'll be back on July 28th, please make sure you stop by for Part 2!
Thursday's Blog: Esther-Marie, "World Travel & Single Gals"
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