Want a quick lesson in forgiveness? Look at how children handle it. Children are upset with each other one second and best friends the next. I worked with children in foster care and heard some of the most heartbreaking stories involving neglect and abuse. Oftentimes the child still expressed love for the parent who abused them and wanted to go back home to live with them.
Forgiveness takes on a personal meaning at this time. You see, the person who wasn’t around when I struggled with shaping Kaiya into the young woman she is today, wanted to come to her graduation. In fact, he came to her graduation and brought his wife who barely even knows Kaiya. This situation tormented me for several weeks. Some of you may have questions: Why was she upset, is she still in love with him? Is she one of those mothers that try to sabotage the relationship between a father and his child(ren)? Her child is now 13 years old, should she be over it by now? To answer those questions: No, I’m no longer in love with her dad. I have always maintained an open door policy (within reason) for her father and his family. Yes, I should be over it but I’m not because I have deep rooted resentment in my heart. I have treated forgiveness as a gift I really didn’t want to give and I would take it back when I felt like I was offended again. Pretty childish right? Of course I know the verse from Mark 11:25 that says “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” I’m also familiar with the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:21-35) Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” (Verses 21-22) To tell you the truth and I believe he’s on his seventy times seven, right about now. LOL! Forgiving a repeat offender causes me to feel as if I’m the weaker person… am I weak if the person feels like he or she can continually mistreat me? Being the “better” person gets old really quick! Ironically enough, I’m dealing with a situation right now where a dear friend is expressing disappointment in me, he won’t tell me why he’s upset and he’s also giving me the silent treatment. Hmmm….Amazing how we want forgiveness immediately but are unwilling to grant it immediately to our offenders when they ask.
In one of my conversations with God, the word “soul tie” came up in my spirit. A quick Google search found this definition: A soul tie is like a linkage in the soul realm between two people. It links their souls together, which can bring forth either beneficial results or negative results. A soul tie can be physical, spiritual or emotional; soul ties can bring forth positive or negative results. In my case, I still had a physical soul tie with Kaiya’s father because of the past sexual relationship we shared. The bottom line is his decision to come to Kaiya’s graduation, even with his wife, has nothing to do with me at all. The day was Kaiya’s. There are other things he’s done over the years to irritate me but I have to put my feelings aside and “grin and bear it” for at least four more years. Imagine me grinning now ~smile~.
Does forgiving your trespassers equal better health? According to many sources the answer is yes! Some of the health benefits include: healthier relationships, greater spiritual and psychological well-being, less stress and hostility, lower blood pressure, fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain, lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse. If the spiritual reasons don’t motivate you, maybe living a long healthy life will be an incentive to forgive.
Dear Sisters in Christ, I have to tell you this may be the most difficult blog I will ever write because the issue of unforgiveness is what I believe to be my biggest flaw and sin. If any of you are wrestling with resentment and unforgiveness, my prayer is for you to see if there are any soul ties present and destroy them, give the gift of forgiveness. I understand that you have been hurt and may feel used. Heed the Word of God, Proverbs 20:22 says, “Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.”
Lisa Bevere has written the book “Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry: Why Women Lose When We Give In” this is a great book to read if you need healing and a better understanding of sexual soul ties. It also helps you to understand the importance of forgiving yourself as well as others.
I would like to leave you with two quotes on forgiveness. Oscar Wilde said “Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.” This last quote is from Lewis B. Smedes, author of Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve. Lewis said: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
In Christian love,
Jennifer
I'll be back with more in 2 weeks, Wednesday, June 30th. Hope to see you then
Thursday's Blog: Esther-Marie "Single Women & Travel"
2 comments:
Jennifer, Thank you for your tranparency as you shared your heart on forgiveness. It is a very difficult thing when we try to deal with our hurt feelings. The longer we hold our hurts the harder it seems to forgive.
I had a very hard time forgiving my father over many issues through my upbringing. I wrestled with God many times before I surrendered in my heart to forgive him. But God showed me I could use Phil 4:13 in this matter of forgiveness. So I asked God even though my heart didn't feel capable of forgiving Dad I asked for strength through Christ to work the forgiveness in my heart. And when I had those moments of feeling used or rejected by Dad again. I prayed again for Christ strength in forgiveness and He always did help me when I had trouble forgiving on my own. --Katie
Katie, thank you for sharing your experience. Phil 4:13 is an excellent verse to use to get through the rough patches. Stay blessed!
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