My alarm went off at 5:15am, and I still didn’t have a clue as to what I would be writing about this morning. I realized last night that I was going to have to write a fill in blog, and that was okay because I’m ministry leader and I have to do what I have to do. But!!! What am I to write about? The evening is not my best time of the day; in fact I usually have two speeds…slow and stop. My creative juices are running at only half of its usual capacity (if that), but when the morning comes I am full of vim and vigor. So when my alarm went off, I said, “Okay Holy Spirit, what will it be today?” Hum, He didn’t answer. After waiting for over a half an hour I got up because time was of the essence. Well, it’s been over an hour since my alarm went off and I’m sipping on my first cup of coffee finally getting ready to pound it out!!! One thing for sure and that is, when God gives you something to do, He will always give you what you need to get it done. ~Smile~
The Kitchen Table’s mission is to encourage our sisters-in-Christ in their everyday struggles of life, and to let them know they are not alone in those struggles. This morning I have been led to acknowledge the women who are in a season of being caregivers.
I once walked in the shoes of caregiver and though my season was only for several months compared to a friend of mine who cared for a very sick husband for 18 years out of their 33 years of marriage, it was very challenging nonetheless. I remember my mother being in the hospital for 33 days and out of those 33 days I was there 31. My aunt gave me a break twice. My mother had been so sick that she could hardly hold a spoon to feed herself. At the time I had a boss who was very understanding and allowed me to redesign my work schedule so that I could be at the hospital to feed her dinner every evening and then bathe her. If you have ever had anyone that is in the hospital for any length of time, you do need to be there to manage their level of care. Then when she was discharged I had to run errands for her on my lunch hour (usually extended) and went to her house straight after work to fix her dinner, bathe her, wash her linens, vacuum and many other tasks. After that I had a young daughter to go home to. Phew, I was tired all the time. And my weekends were not my own either. My mother had two sisters who lived close by and I was not her only child, yet I had the bulk of her care and I worked a full time job. Was I resentful? Yes! How did I do it? By God’s grace and His grace alone. I was a new Christian and I was just learning what it meant to “Honor your Mother and Father.” That command is not based on how they have treated you or what they have done or have not done for you; and that was a hard one to swallow, but my desire to have a changed life carried me through.
God commands us to take care of our own. In fact if we don’t do it when we able the Bible says, “we are worst than an infidel (a nonbeliever). Wow!! Who wants to be that? And yes, when God gives us an assignment He always provides whatever it is we need to complete that assignment. But that still does not mean that along the way we will not become discouraged or resentful about it.
I was very resentful and felt my family should have done more than they did to help with my mother. But as I look back it was part of God’s big picture for my life. I had never taken care of anyone on the level I had my mom, and the truth be told, I was too selfish a person to ever think that I would be bothered wiping someone’s behind if it was not attached to a baby. So He used the opportunity to begin to grow me up as His child and prepare me for ministry work. Everyone’s circumstances are different so there is no need to compare, but there are common factors that caregivers encounter. The readjustment of your lifestyle for one, everything seems to change in an instant. Time for yourself or time with your family. Loss of freedom and the ability to just up and go is huge. Feeling tired and worn out (physically, mentally and spiritually). Overworked and under appreciated, isolated and lonely. And if there are others who could be helping and are not….Resentful! We might even have those days of “Woe is me” and “Life is so unfair.”
I mentored a woman who had to take in both her parents. Emotionally she was a wreck some days, but I would encourage her that it was for a season and if she would begin to adjust her thinking to that of a servant and find joy in being chosen (she had other sibs) by God for this very important task, her days would be better. Her father passed first and then her mother went into full blown Alzheimer’s disease. We prayed together a lot and I was there as a shoulder for her to cry on. But just as I was there for her to vent and express her true feelings without fear of judgment, so is God for us.
My dear sisters, do not despair in this time of your life and I know that for some it is very difficult. But God is waiting for you to give it to Him. Do not be afraid to shout out to Him that you are hurting, that you are angry, and that you don’t think it’s fair or any of the other emotions you might be experiencing but are afraid to say out loud to Him or anyone else. God knows our hearts so deeply that He has yet to expose most of it to us. So it will not be a surprise to Him that you are struggling with certain feelings.
Be encouraged that care giving is a big part of the life of a Believer. God has commands on it in the Old Testament and the New Testament, meaning He made provision in the beginning.
Father, my prayer today is that your daughters bring their heavy hearts to you. That they will be free enough to express how they truly feel about their season as caregiver. May they find freedom in trusting you to handle their situation and with this trust be able to enter into your rest. In Yeshua’s mighty name…..Amen!
Do not be discouraged my sisters for the Lord our God, will never leave you nor forsake you. He is the God that holds your right hand and has a plan for your life. And that plan is good.
Blessings & Love
Ponnie
Friday's Blog: Tovah "Life of a High School Junior"
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