Philadelphia (the city in which I live) has been experiencing spring like weather for the past few days. It has been such a blessing and joy to have the sun every day and temps almost reaching 70. Of course we can’t pack away all the winter clothing just yet, it’s still March. And the month of March has been known from time-to-time to come in like a lamb and go out like a roaring lion. But none-the-less, God has given us a taste of what’s to come.
We easily embrace the change that comes with spring. We can’t wait to shed the boots, gloves, hats, and heavy outerwear. No one has to convince us that you don’t need to wear your wool coat when it is 75 degrees (Fahrenheit) it is something we so easily let go of. No one has to tell us to turn the heater off, or open up the windows to let fresh air in. It becomes a no brainer that you will no longer need a heavy comforter or electric blanket at night. No, letting go of the winter season and embracing spring is not something we have to be coerced into doing. But just think if we didn’t embrace letting go so easily how miserable we would be. Walking around in a wool coat when it’s so warm outside that you don’t even need a jacket would not be very comfortable. Trying to sleep with the windows closed and under a pile of blankets when it’s warm enough to have a fan on, would not make for a good night’s sleep. No way are we trying to hold on to the past season and not embrace the new. It just would not make sense. Yet we do it with the seasons of our lives. And just as not letting go of those things that help see us through the cold winter months and trying to make them work in the spring and summer would only bring misery, so is the same in our everyday natural lives.
As a counselor of women, over the years I’ve found that often we do not want to let go of past hurts. Why? There are many different reasons and I can’t go over all of them but I am believing that the Holy Spirit will guide me as to the most common to us.
I guess I have to start with childhood abuse. Abuse can wear a different colored coat but the effects are the same. Some women were sexually abused. That could range from being fondled to actual sexual intercourse. It could have been by one perpetrator or many. Or you might have been one that was beaten and battered. It could have been once a month or every day. You may fall into the category of being neglected, hungry and cold in the winter. Verbal abuse could have been your every day demon…”You ain’t blank, and you never will amount to blank, blank nothing!” As I said, “Abuse comes in many different ways, but the effects are the same.” The effects are good and the effects are bad. Now at this point I know that some of you are rising up and saying, “Good!! What good comes from abuse?! Lady, you don’t know what you are talking about!” Clam down and stay with me sisters, because through the Holy Spirit of God at the end we will be able to see how “Though the devil meant it for evil, God used it for good!”
When you are a child and bad things are done to you, it is not your fault and often you have no control over it. But there does come a time in your life that if you want to be free from the bad effects of your abuse then you have to stand up and take control of your life. The number one thing you have to do is begin the process of “Letting it go!” “But see you don’t understand” is what I so often hear when I counsel women about letting go. Why? I think because has humans we don’t like to confront the part we play in the poor decisions we’ve made in our lives, if it's easier to play the “blame game” and lay all our problems on the things that happened to us that were out of our control. And then sometimes it seems too painful to pull the covers off and really examine the rubble that lies within us. But we cannot get around it. With God’s help, we have to go through the mess.
A friend of mine has given me permission to use her life as an example. So let’s call her “Princess”. This woman came from a background of sexual abuse by a stepfather and a mother who after finding out chose to believe him (he didn’t do it) and allowed him to stay in the house. Yes, he continued. This same mother was also physically, verbally and emotionally abusive to her. So we have a girl child who grew up with very low self-esteem and self worth. And all of this was grounded in a deep root of rejection, and feelings that the only way for anyone to care for her was through sex. So thus began her life of poor decisions based on her childhood and emotional state. The world tells us that if you were abused, then you are going to be an abuser. If you were sexually abused that is why you are promiscuous. And now given with so many men in the spotlight being caught in a web of adultery, we now have that you can have a sexual addiction. The world always comes up with a way to justify its sin. But as for Believers there is something much better for us, and that is the healing grace of God! But you have to want it. How do you get it? You will have to confront the demons that have ruled your life and imprisoned you since you were a child.
Let’s get back to Princess, she was a woman who was very angry at life, but more so at her mother and at God. Because for the longest time she could not accept and understand that if God is so loving why did He allow her life to be so hard and so very miserable for so many years. And why did this God give her such a horrible mother? After all we do not have any say as to who our parents will be. And Princess will tell you that she hated her mother for many years. She made the declaration of her hatred to herself when she was 7 years old and her mother was pulling her by her hair because she wasn’t sitting still enough while she combed it. As a child she would lie in bed at night thinking of ways to kill her mother because she knew the abuse would stop if she were dead. Little did she know at the time that damage had already been done that would be with her for years to come. As a child Princess didn’t have a lot of friends and the children in her neighborhood often made fun of her and only added to the barrage of bad names her mother called her. She was told that she was ugly, worthless, stupid, cow dung, and any other thing you could think of. She never met her father and she was told most of her life that she lived with her mother, that he never wanted her and that he hated her. By the time Princess turned 18 and was legally old enough to leave her mother’s house, she was a mess being unleashed into a cruel world that would do its best to eat her up…..
I’m going to do something that I fussed with Ponnie for doing a couple of weeks ago when she wrote the two part blog “The Voice”. I’m going to stop here and pick it back up in two weeks. ~Smile~ I know it’s just starting to get juicy for some, but most of all; it is stirring up old emotions in others. I feel I’m being led by the Holy Spirit to stop now, and He knows better than I do. If you know someone who might benefit from what we will be talking about, please pass the blog on to them. If you are the one who will benefit, please do not run away. Stay with me as I help you to explore how to be free from the prison that abuse creates for those it has touched.
Know that I am praying for you.
Be blessed,
Pat
I will return on Saturday, April 3rd.
Monday's Blog: Sharon will be back with more great "Financial Wisdom" for us"
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