The Kitchen Table: Love is having to say……“It’s Not About Me!”

Remember the movie “Love Story” starring Ali Mac Graw and Ryan O’Neal. It had this famous line that helped jerks be more of a jerk but mostly shifted people further from what God’s love is. After having a fight and being locked out the house in the cold for sometime, when her husband (Ryan O’Neal) apologized to her, (Ali Mac Graw) her response was…”Love means never having to say you’re sorry!” And it spread like wild fire. Foolish women began to believe it and men began to dish it out. But the truth is….God’s love means you have to say you are sorry and make peace often times when it isn’t even your fault. Now that is love. So it came to mind to look at what “Love” does say. Though not popular, I’ve chosen to talk about how “Love means, It’s Not About Me!”

Our sin nature is “self”. In other words, me, me, and more me! But we were not created to serve us, but to serve the true and living God. God, the creator of heaven and earth. The God who loved us so much that He sent His only begotten Son (Yeshua) so that we might have life everlasting. (John 3:16) The God who thought it not robbery to leave heaven and become a servant for us. (Philippians 2:6-7) That same God who dwells within us, never leaving us or forsaking us. (Joshua 1:6 NIV) Yes, we are to be about the business of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. It’s not about what we want; it is all about, what does the Father want that I should do?

I want to take a moment to give a couple of different scenarios to make sure we are all on the same page. Please do not misinterpret what I am about to say, if the shoe fits wear it, and if it doesn’t don’t be upset, but just glean that which speaks to your heart.

There are many different reasons why single women want to be married, but we are just going to look at: I’m lonely, I’m not as happy as I could be, I won’t have to struggle as much financially. I’m lonely, therefore a husband will bring to me companionship and I won’t be lonely anymore. I’m not as happy, as I think I should be and a husband will fix that for me. My money, doesn’t stretch as far as I would like it to and a husband will change that for the better. Have you noticed that it is all about “Me’ in these 3 reasons, and nothing about the “Man?” What about “the husband?” What about his needs, what about your role as ‘wife’ according to God? So many young women are not looking at the real commitment of marriage, the covenant they will be entering into with God and this man. And it sure isn’t about this person catering to your needs, wants and desires.

Okay so now you are engaged, and “You” want a big fairy tale wedding, even though it may not be the wisest choice. Yet, “You” still expect your parents to give you this wedding (that you want) even if it proves to be a hardship on them. After all, “they owe it to You!”

Now you are married and things just are not going the way you thought they would. “You” are still lonely, “You” are not that happy, especially since things are not going “Your” way, and all those things “You” thought you would be able to buy, “Your” husband has said, “No” to! Why have you found yourself in this place? Because until we as women, (single, married, young, old, mothers, sisters, aunts, nieces, daughters, employees and friends) come to the realization that life is not about us, then we are always going to run into jams when it comes to the “Me” mentality.

The attitude of “Me, Myself and I” is a stumbling block and such a hindrance to our spiritual walk and relationship with God. Take Sunday morning service for instance, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard complaints about the service and how “I didn’t get anything out of it.” To me this means “you” came looking for something just for “you” but didn’t bring anything with “you” to contribute. “The praise and worship team didn’t sing one song that I like”. “Why did Pastor spend so much time praying over people?” “I wanted him to preach more.” Or, “He preached too long today, I needed to get out on time.” Where is our attitude of service for God? With the attitude of service then we can hear the Holy Spirit when He says, “Go tell your sister how nice she looks today.” “Give Mary over there a big hug.” “Please invite Sarah home with you for lunch and fellowship.” When we are focused on, “Me! What about Me?” then we are not as useful in God’s kingdom because it is not about Him so much as, “God, what have you done for “Me” lately?”

As parents we can be very selfish and all about “Me.” Just because you work every day and provide the things that the law requires for your children, does not make a good parent. Children need more than things. They need their parents and their attention! It seems this new generation thinks that buying things is it. What fun is having games if you always play them by yourself? That is what this new computer age has given us. Before computers it was board games and you needed at least one other person to play and have fun. There are a group of women (especially single moms) who feel they are missing out and they deserve to pursue their careers and or just have fun. You even have some women who dress themselves well and their children look like vagabonds. Why? “After all I work all day; I should at least look nice and have something for myself.” That is the wrong attitude, because for one, your children didn’t have a say in coming into this world, and you do owe them the very best that you can do for them. They deserve to have your attention, game night, movie night, help with homework (without screaming), outings, being read to, shopping together, watching TV together, eating dinner together, being listened to and the list goes on. It doesn’t matter that “you” are tired; you still have an obligation to them beyond that which you buy.

This blog has turned out to be 2 parts, because I would like to talk about how to begin to change your thinking through the Word of God and seeing how “Love” is about putting Him and others before us. Once we can truly start to get into our spirits that this life “Is not about Me!” then we begin to walk in a new found freedom. It is a freedom that is very liberating in a way that will change many aspects of your life no matter what your standing. If you are married, you will find that things you have struggled with for years will no longer be a problem for you. If you are single and unhappy, you will find joy in life. If you are single parenting, your family dynamics of chaos will become more peaceful. If you are caring for an elderly parent you will begin to see the blessing versus the struggle. A shift from “Me” to others changes our lives in such a way, that everything about it cannot always be expressed in words. But prayerfully the Holy Spirit will equip me to give it to you in such a way that the seeds planted will grow into that thing of beauty called “Freedom!”

For the next two weeks, every time you find yourself thinking “Me, My or I” take a moment to write it down. “I” should be able to…Why is he treating “Me” like this…It’s “My” time…. If you are able to do this at least a couple a times a day at the end of the 2 weeks you will begin to see a pattern, which will help you identify some of the problem areas.

Until next time, have a blessed two weeks.