An Insecure and Needy Woman is as Attractive as a Flabby Underarm

With my new weight loss, I’ve recently noticed a flabby, saggy dangle under my left arm. I have it on both, but for some reason it’s more pronounced on the left arm. My initial reaction was, “Yikes!” But then I started swinging it back and forth and showing my youngest daughter, while laughing. All she did was shake her head and roll her eyes. LOL!

Once I realized things are going to start sagging with my weight loss, I sort of looked at my options. First I had to question, “Do I like it? And if not, is there something I can do to change it?” The answers were—no, and yes! No, I don’t like it, and yes, there is something I can do to change it! But for now—do I cover up my arms or do I embrace them?

I made the decision to embrace them. And it was an easy decision because I am no longer an insecure woman. I no longer give into the opinions of the world or people. I am FREE!

Thing is, I wasn’t always so free in spirit and in heart. No, I was about as needy and insecure as they come.

“Emotional insecurity or simply insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable or inferior in some way, or a sense of vulnerability or instability which threatens one’s self-image or ego.” (As defined by Wikipedia)

Personally, I think insecurity and low self-esteem are BFF’s! And when they throw a party, their posse of buddies, envy, competition and jealousy always show up! But there is one friend who is more dangerous than any of them and that is the alpha of the pack…manipulation!

Manipulation causes one to be unscrupulous! We often lie or stretch the truth to get our way and be in control. We become clever in our dealings and very skilled with time. There are quite a few bible scriptures that refer to manipulative practices and how they are sinful, take Romans 16:17-18 for example. More often than none, we use words to manipulate, but things and money are clearly a close second.

How to manipulate others was a skill passed down like good cooking was. Mostly by an aunt I spent a lot of time with growing up. She was a master at it. But my mother not so much—she just demanded what she wanted. So, there was a balance of sorts which helped me not to go all the way to the left with my aunt because of the way my mother handled things. For instance, my aunt feigned being sick to get attention and her way. There were times she even encouraged me to do it. But my mother was a LPN and she didn’t go for the foolishness of pretending to be sick when you weren’t. As strange as it may seem, that was my balance.

As I look back, not only was I taught how to be a manipulator, but was also manipulated to the point of rebellion as a young woman. My family was so used to making me do what they wanted, that when I started to say, “No!” they declared war on me.

Truth is, I thought I was above their tactics. Turns out—I wasn’t! I just had my own brand of manipulation. We all do until we begin to see things from God’s perspective.

What I’ve learned over the years, is to let my nay, be No! And my yah, be Yes, to the manipulators.

Yes, it has taken work to get here and there are times I run into folks where I find myself being pulled back and forth with…but not for long. The Word, “Let us not become entangled again in the things we have been set free from,” speaks to my heart.

Being insecure caused me to not be truly happy for others. It kept me in a state of fear that I was not good enough for God or people. And that was the catalyst for working daily at manipulating people and my life events.  

 Stupid…right?

Yes!

But being insecure and all that goes with it, is one of the strongest lies our enemy would have us believe. And the saddest part of all—way too many of us fall for it—every time.

Sisters, I’m talking to you from years of experience and lots of work—insecurity is a state of mind, that none of us has to have or live with!

Manipulation is a practiced sin that we need to chuck right along with the rest of them. And if you truly desire to be free and live a different life in Christ—you have to put in the work to get there. In other words, you have to read and study the Bible. It's written for our instruction and correction. It is our blueprint to joy, and a peace that surpasses all understanding. And especially what salvation really is and the confidence of who we are—are all hidden in the pages for our taking.

If you have anyone in your life you see as a crafty manipulator—there are two things you should look at. One, do you see this in them because it is a reflection of your own way of doing things, or two, you personally have been set free, and see clearly to use your experience and insight in praying for their deliverance?

There are times I still run into trouble with manipulators, because I can see the setup to make me do things their way and catch the untruths they spin. And honestly, my first response is to put distance between us. But I’m glad I’ve learned to pray about it first. Yes, there are times we are to distance ourselves from others, but then there are those times we have been given the privilege to see only so we stand in prayer for them. 

We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  There is only one exception—Messiah!

I want to share a secret with you that everyone doesn't know...our security in Christ, is more than I could ever have hoped for or dreamed of!

What it has done for me is promoted me to be a cheerleader and encourager for others. I no longer compete with my sisters trying to prove something. There is nothing to prove…I now know who I am. Compassion has replaced being glad they didn’t make it. And confidence allows me to listen to others brag and pray for their deliverance versus try to up them one.

Personally, I think everyone has a know-it-all in their lives. It seems God uses them to keep us humble, and show us what we look like—allowing Him to continue His work on us. And with a closer look, the know-it-all is always one of the most insecure people you will meet—and that includes ourselves.

And when I use the term “know-it-all” I’m referring to the person who knows better than you, no matter what you say. I’m not talking about listening and learning from others (because we could definitely use more of that), but the one who brags, knows more than you and in truth and honesty—mostly knows much of nothing that's worthwhile. Yeah, that used to be me.

But today, I am a new, new, new creature in the Messiah. Yes, I’m still a work in progress and growing every day, but I’m making headway.   

I don’t feel the need to cover up my arms because I don’t fear what others might think. Sure, I’m going to start using hand weights to help the process as I continue to lose weight, because I don’t like it. But will I be trying to have arms like the woman in the photo to the right? No, not in the natural I won’t. But in the supernatural spirit realm of life—you best believe it!

I’d much rather spend time, exercising the Word of God in my life—there are far better results to be had.

Read and study your bibles sisters! It's the only way to achieve real change for the better.  

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie

The Journey

Have you ever been in a car with kids asking every 10 minutes, “Are we there yet?” especially if it’s a long car ride? When I was a young girl, we weren’t allowed to do that. There were always books to read or color. Songs to sing or just sit there with your mouth shut and enjoy the scenery. Those were your choices. It taught us to enjoy the ride and take stock of the journey.

To this day, I still love car rides and train rides with plenty of beautiful scenery. Yup, I get excited with either one. Those were the vehicles I mostly traveled in as a youngster. But there were at least five bus trips to Canada in my lifetime and somewhere in the late 1970’s, I vowed never to ride the bus to Canada or anywhere else it would take 11 plus hours to get to. I have yet to break that vow. And yes, I’ve been back to Canada—took the train and loved it!

As I watch television commercials for the latest car features, I see Wi-Fi is the new big thing. It has replaced kids being able to watch just one movie together. Now, everyone can stick their earplugs in and watch a movie on their own device.  What happened to conversation, reading, staring out the window and seeing how many license plates you spot from other states? Or singing songs until one of the adults tells you to hush up? What about punch buggy—punching the person next to you (gently and in fun) when you spot a Volkswagen vehicle? I heard more family stories on long car rides then I care to remember. But, some of them were really funny. It was a joy to imagine my aunt (and godmother), being young and bossing my mom around. LOL!

Life is also a journey. And we can be like spoiled kids in a car with Wi-Fi, on our own devices—missing all the beautiful things that pass us by. Asking often, “Are we there yet?” with impatience and annoyance. We are not enjoying the journey and the lessons needed. We want God to hurry us from point A to point B.  

To this day, I still prefer to ride the train over any other form of transportation—even flying. Because there is so much to see and enjoy—without being rushed.

Yes, it can be a hassle if you have to switch to another train, or they stop to change the engines and there is no power and people still keep using the bathrooms when they don’t flush and there’s no water to wash your hands. But, it’s all worth it as I’m gently rocked by the swaying of the train as it travels at 80 miles an hour. I easily forget the minor inconveniences and bumps along the way as I look out the window at all the beautiful greenery or snow covered trees (depending what season it is), soaking in the beautiful sunsets or sunrises to be had. I love reading on the train and spending time working a cryptogram or two, but basically I want to listen to music, and look out the window and daydream.  A train ride is something that brings great joy and happiness to me—especially when I reach my destination. But I do enjoy the journey. 

At this stage of life a bus ride can be no longer than 2.5 hours or I start to get antsy. Last bus ride I took was to Washington, DC, which is about 2 hours by car. I was stuck on the bus with some of the most ignorant people you could imagine. And coming back wasn’t any better and we were stuck for over an hour in airport traffic right on the outskirts of Philadelphia. This was in the late 90’s, and yes, it was my last bus ride from one state or district to another.

Long car rides can be a nuisance if the car is small and I’m cramped or uncomfortable. Also, the music thing can really be an issue. Basically I don’t like gospel music (shut your mouth), and for some reason most of my friends of color want to listen to it—and that makes me sad. I do have one girlfriend who would rather talk then put music on and she can drive me anywhere. I need a ride to Ocean City, Peggy! ~Smile~

This journey of life can be likened to a journey we might plan—missed flights and bad weather delays. Luggage that’s gone to luggage heaven without us…never to be seen again. A rental car which turned out to be a lemon and has us stranded on the roadside in the boonies. Hotel bookings that were, but aren’t once we arrive. Montezuma’s revenge holding us prisoner 4 days out of our 7 day vacation. That horrible case of poison ivy we get at the camp site, no matter how careful we were. And yes, a host of other stuff we contracted from the hotel pool that wasn’t quite up to par as far as chlorination and good working filters. Yuck!

Here’s life’s journey…divorce, death, sickness, loss, disappointments, failures, betrayal, abandonment, being misplaced and uncomfortable. Missed opportunities, being used and abused, and forgotten.

What I’m trying to say is the journey of life will hit unexpected rough patches. But, we should know that “God works all things for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” [my paraphrase] Romans 8:28 NIV In other words, "He has a plan!"

You see sisters, life at times can be very uncomfortable like riding in a small car, and you feel out of sync because the music that is playing is not your thing. Loss is painful and we want to know if we are there yet and how much longer—before we arrive on the other side of the pain. Disappointments from life unscripted are a given and without warning. Just like missing your plane and having to sleep on a cot in the airport with 600, other stranded miserable people.

But all of life is not full of disappointment, failure, loss and pain. No, there is joy and peace, love, friendships, victories, and goals reached. It is the journey that God uses to shape and mold us—preparing us for things to come in this life and the one we will spend with Christ.

So though life might be tough or even look a bit bleak—remember God’s promises to us. That’s our travel insurance, so all is not lost. But we must read the Bible to know what He promises. When we don’t, all our experiences in this journey called life will look more like economy or standby. We never get to experience business or first class. We will always be upset because of missed opportunities, envious of others, walking in unforgiveness, versus finding pleasure in even the simple things.

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie

Are You Fully Persuaded?

What are you fully persuaded on in the Kingdom of God? This is a serious and very important question to know the answer too. I don’t mean in words. Oh, we can all talk a good game of what we believe about God and His Kingdom. But I am referring to the truth in our hearts.

It seems of late that we (as women), are more stressed and worried then I’ve seen in a long time. And it is distressing to me, because many of us should be further along than we are. I’m witnessing baby Christians grab hold of the truth and stand on it better than some of the saints who have been around awhile—and that should not be.

Am I surprised? No. Because Paul speaks of spiritual immaturity, “¹² For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. ¹³ For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. ¹⁴ But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.” (Hebrews 5:12-14 NKJV)

Why is it that some of us still have need of milk, when we should be stronger and able to handle the meatier things of God?

For one we have our priorities askew. But mainly there is a laziness in the Body. Yup, I said it!  Not too many come out and call our lack of working on building up our faith and relationship with God, “Lazy!” But it's true. And there is no other reason or excuse. 

There are personality types that want results the quick and easy way. It took us five years to gain 50 pounds, but we want a quick fix to get it off in five months. Versus doing it in a way that is healthy and good for us, we want to do diets that are no way sustainable or really healthy. We don’t want to do the work that is long term.

We are in debt (of our own doing), so we purchase books on prosperity and stand on scriptures looking for God to move miraculously. When in truth, we will have to bit the bullet and pay off that debt the good old fashioned way—one payment at a time.

Some of us have been battling depression for years, and we have used others as a crutch—until we have worn them out. When Jesus should be the One we have learned to lean and depend on.

I could give so many examples but I want to move forward to the heart of the matter—faith—or lack thereof. Because no matter what comes up in life or what we need—faith is key.

And faith is one of the biggest areas we are lax in working on. We are so quick to ask others to pray for us (concerning our life situations and crises), and always look for someone to pick us up and encourage us. Remember, I am not talking to any new converts here; I’m talking to you sisters who have been hanging out in the Kingdom for awhile. I’m talking to those of you who should be mature, but are not. Well, I guess I’m also speaking to the babes too—pay attention so you don’t fall into the trap of being spoon fed the gospel and not learning how to eat the meaty parts on your own.

When you’ve been in a Kingdom for awhile and you are always in a crisis, needing help—you become a poor example. And to tell the truth, people get tired of you. Why? Because we are human and not like God, who is loooong suffering. 

And I say this because, many people read you as the representation of Christ Jesus—not a Bible. So, therefore, why should they want your Jesus when it seems He really isn’t doing that much for you? You are always posting on Facebook that you need prayers. You are always woe is me. You go from one fire to the next, instead of faith to faith.

How many of us have Face Book friends and family who are not saved? We all do! So, how does this come across to them? I want you to seriously think about it.

“Worry is the antitheist of trust. You simply cannot do both. They are mutually exclusive.” ~Elisabeth Elliot~ I couldn’t have said it better.

Sisters, it's time to stop the madness of trying to be like Peter Pan, and stay a kid forever. It is time to stop wanting quick fixes from God and begin to have faith in Him to help us—in His way and His timing, according to His Word.

I’m sure that some of you were saying, “But Ponnie, you don’t know my life situation!” And you are absolutely correct—I do not! But God does, and that is all that matters. 

We don’t need 100 people praying for us. If we are in a place where we need prayer, then all we really need is one person who has a relationship with God to stand with us. Jesus, assures us that where just two come together in agreement, He is there with us. We should all have people like that in our lives. So, with that being said, be prudent in posting prayer request in a public forum for your personal crisis. Stop using people as if they are going to be a magical solution.  

It is time to be serious about studying and reading the Bible—daily! It really is that simple. Because the more we read the bible and begin to believe what it says, the more we become fully persuaded about the things of God. Sure, we will always need one another for support and encouragement. But not more than God. 

The words “fully persuaded” in the Greek language mean, “completely assured”. This is what Paul is talking about in Romans.

You want to have a daily confession, try, “I am fully persuaded that God will meet all my needs!” Why? Because He has promised that He will!

Life unscripted is going to happen—but when we are shored up in the Word of God, that is when we are fully persuaded He is with us, no matter what is going on.

The Word of God is a most excellent reminder that God has already been in all our tomorrows—even when they become our complicated and frightening today.

There are no surprises whatsoever to Him.

When you don’t read and study the Word, you will always be a baby with a bunch of problems and sadness in your life. You will never know what it is to have the peace that surpasses all understanding in the midst of a storm. You will never grasp what salvation is all about and what the finished work of the Cross is. It will be impossible.

It’s time to become fully persuaded about something pertaining to God! Go ahead, pick one thing that pertains to whatever it is you are experiencing now. Get into the Word, and study it out—building up your faith. There are no easy fixes in the Kingdom. You have to put in the time and work, just as we have to in most natural things if we really want change.

You want to ask for prayer on Face Book. Ask for prayer that you become diligent in reading and studying the Bible. Ask people to lift you up to have a stronger relationship with God. Ask them to pray for a desire and fire to know what the finished work of the Cross is. Personally, I would love to see prayer request such as these on Face Book. Why? Because they would be life changing.

And if you don't have a sister in your life who will pray with you and encourage you, ask God for one.  Public forums are not the place for intimacy. 

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie

Are We Spending Too Much Time In Church

Encore blog: April 14, 2014

Hopefully some of you raised an eyebrow or two when you read the title for today’s blog. I hope something stirred in you—maybe a little indignation? Or was it a bit of self-righteousness?  How dare she insinuate that there is such a thing as “Spending too much time in church!” Well, my dear sisters, I hate to be the bearer of bad news—but there is such a thing.

Okay, take a deep breath! Now hear me out before you remove yourself from following the blog or “unlike” my page on Facebook. Give me a moment to explain myself and hear where I’m coming from.

Over the years we have gotten into a culture of a “church community” versus being the “Church” in the community.  Back in the day, people belonged to the church congregation in their neighborhood or area, and knew each other through daily living. That is not the case so much anymore. We drive miles and even pay tolls to get to church. Truth is we don’t really know the people who live in the area, and some of us are not that interested in knowing them either.

I remember going to church a lot during the weekday when Jesus first became Lord of my life and I was very grateful for the safety that came with that—though I too got in my car and drove there. 

There is still a great need for that safe place in exchange for our past life for a new one in Christ. But how long are we to stay in the safety and comfort of our church community? Some of us have been attending nothing but church events for years. We pride ourselves that we faithfully attend Bible study or pick-me up midweek services each Wednesday, and have for the past 10 years. But what are we doing with all this church going? How is it benefiting the unsaved?

Now there are those who must work and volunteer to keep things going in the church building and there will always be a need for such people, but the world has a need too! It needs the gospel and love of Jesus Christ.

Yesterday in my reading I came across…Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors, if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed.  Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.” (Luke 14:12-14)

When was the last time you had folks over for dinner, outside of your circle of Christian brothers and sisters? Have you ever had a luncheon where the target audience was the lost and broken? Not to preach or beat them up with the Bible, but just to get to know them?

Are you beginning to see where I am going with this?

If you belong to a large church or one that has more than one service on Sunday, you might attend a monthly “cell’ or “small group” meeting. Well, why can’t we also start some type of monthly gathering in our home for those who don’t attend church?

Please, no one misunderstand me, I am not being critical or judgmental, I’m just trying to help us think about the need to change and do things differently.  

Several years ago I started a book club out of my home for young women when I lived in the city. It mostly consisted of single mothers, who were not working and or hadn’t finished high school. Of course they were a little leery that Miss Ponnie would have them reading something about Jesus. I searched and prayed for just the right book, and it was “Cover Girls” by TD Jake. It had enough rough stuff to keep them interested and also be able to identify with the characters. But it also lacked the profanity or vulgarity most of them were used to in their everyday lives. Friends chipped in to help me by a copy for each of the ladies. My purpose was to build relationships and it worked.

Some of us are walking around with a “past due” expiration date. In other words our season for hanging out in church all the time is over and we should be taking what we have learned and using it in our everyday lives with others.

I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where we are instructed to drag people to church to get saved. But that is what many of us focus on doing. Building relationships with people is more fruitful.

Sisters, it’s time for some of us to stop hanging out at the church building so much. I guess some of you are shocked I have made that statement, but the truth is…your church building has become your community, social life and safety net. And just maybe, over the years you have become somewhat too complacent in this role.

The organization Big Sisters could use women who love the Lord. We lose opportunities to be a light to the lost when we only work or volunteer with other Christians and the outreach is not to the lost and broken. There are many organizations out there which focus on meeting the needs of people and could use our help and light.

It’s time to reflect if you are one who is spending too much time at your church building because it is safe and comfortable? Or is it time to take what you have learned as a Disciple of Christ and use it to make a difference in the world?

Jesus wasn't afraid of sinners and neither should we be. I mean after all—we used to look just like them. 

Until next week!

Love and Hugs....Ponnie

We Are Not Alone

One of the wiles of the enemy is to isolate us in our minds, emotions and circumstances. He uses the strategy of making us think we are alone and imprisoned, in what we are going through or experiencing, but it’s just another lie.

Jesus, himself told us that satan is the Father of all lies. Well, that would mean he is the best there can be when it comes to spinning and fabricating lies. And it’s something he does every day. “God has forgotten you.” “Jesus is too busy for you.” “You are not really forgiven.” “Remember what you did 15 years ago, do you really think God has forgotten? Well, He hasn’t!” “Keep on praying for healing—it’s never going to happen.” “Do you really think Jesus can love someone like you?” “God is not really in control of your life.” “He is not going to help you with your money problems, so forget it!” “That kid of yours is never going to get saved.”

Just a few of the lies many of us battle with on a daily bases.

Why?

Because if he can steal our hope—he is happy! If he can make us doubt God and waver—he has done a good job. If he can crush our faith—he has succeeded!

¹⁰ Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10-12 (NKJV)

¹⁸ praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints. Ephesians 16: 18 (NKJV)

You can read the entire segment on the whole armor of God by clicking here (Ephesians 6:10-18). But today I just want to focus on who we are up against and what a powerful and crucial roll prayer can play in us not giving into the lies and deception.

Years ago, I lived in an apartment building that was lovely except for all the noise above me. A young woman moved in with a small boy and it seemed like all hell broke loose. He would play basketball in the apartment. There was loud music and parties at night, and people (not on her lease) staying with her at any given time and a string of midnight rendezvous. It was ridiculous and I had to get up at 5am to go to work and my youngest daughter was in preschool.

I would often complain to my mentor about it and one day she said, “Stop whining and do something about it! Every time that noise starts or wakes you up, don’t lie there in bed being mad and upset—get up and pray for her!” What?! Pray for her? Are you serious? Yes, she was very serious and it was some of the best advice she has given me over the years. It has changed my thinking and life until this day.

That very night, I was awakened with loud music being turned on at midnight and the overbearing sounds of mayhem and foolishness. I jumped up out of bed, went in the living room and started praying out loud for my situation, her and everyone one else in the household of faith who had to put up with that kind of noise.

Well, let me tell you…this was not the outcome the enemy expected. No! He wanted me to be upset, angry with God for not moving her out, and grumpy and short tempered with my young daughter from lack of sleep. And for awhile that was exactly what he was getting. But he never wanted me to pray the fervent prayers that started coming out of my mouth—it wasn’t too long before he changed his strategy on that one.

You see sisters, before long, I found enjoyment in praying out loud at 1 o’clock in the morning on a work night. In fact, I would wake up at 5am refreshed because my focus was now on the real culprit and not the woman who lived over top of me. And I was standing in the gap for all the other saints who were struggling with their neighbors too!

Here’s what I want you to do—take this same mindset into your problems! And not because I say so, but because the Bible says so. That’s right, start praying for every saint in the Body who is going through whatever it is you are.

The deception that it’s only you—is a lie! You are waiting for your healing—so is someone else. You are displaced and waiting for a home—so is someone else. You have a child that's in trouble—so does someone else. You are having a rough time on your job—so is someone else. Your marriage is in the dumps—so is someone else’s. You have a broken heart—so does someone else. You’re feeling God has forgotten you—so is someone else. You are depressed—so is someone else. You have a need that seems to be going unanswered—so is someone else!

Whatever we are experiencing as individuals, someone else in the Body is too! We are not alone in whatever it is we are going through. Somebody, somewhere, is going through the exact same thing and having the same doubts and fears you are.

Even as the noise started to die down or didn’t bother me as much as it once did, I never stopped praying for this woman and her son. And one day (a couple of years into it), I saw her being picked up to go to church. And the end result was; she got saved, married, bought a house and moved out. All that happened within a 5 year period. Just to let you know—it might not happen over night! ~Smile~

No matter what our circumstances, trials or tribulations may be—we can pray! And praying for others helps take the focus off of us. Doing it daily builds faith and strengthens us. Try it! Stop being sad and depressed about what is going on in your life and allowing the enemy to steal your joy, hope and faith. Stand up! Fight him back! The last thing he wants you to do is become someone who focuses in on him and his, and stops believing the lies.

Pray hard, loud and be strong! Come against any and every lie he has told you about your situation, and pray for your brothers and sisters who are experiencing the same. And above all else read your Bibles—so you can stand on the promises of God—no matter what the devil might try to tell you.

Know the truth!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie