A Foolproof Way…Not to be Pulled into Other People’s Messes!

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of confusion and wondered, “How in the heck did I get here?” I think we all have at one time or another. It’s part of life. But as always, the Bible shows us how to avoid such situations.

Gossip, rivalry and being braggadocious, are behaviors that are most certainly high up on the list of things we shouldn’t be doing as Christians…for sure.

I’ve chosen the above three, because we can easily be swept up in them before we know it.

My youngest (now 23 years old), attended a Montessori school for first grade. And one day while standing in the yard waiting for dismissal, I found myself having a conversation with the mother of one of her classmates. She started bragging on how well her daughter could read. Well, when my daughter was tested to get into the school (at the time in kindergarten) she was reading and comprehending on a 3^rd grade level. So, do you think I let her get away with bragging on her daughter like mine was nothing? Nope! And her response to me was, “Well, she reads the newspaper!” It was at that very moment when the Holy Spirit asked me, “What are you doing?”

At the time, I was studying, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (NIV), which translates into the fact that we can do nothing about from Christ, be nothing apart from Christ, have nothing apart from Christ, and achieve nothing apart from Christ! Therefore, He really wanted to know what I called myself doing. And especially with a woman who didn’t know the Lord?

From that day forward, I have tried my best to never get caught up in bragging about anything, especially my kids or grandchildren.

But this is not the case for many of us. Mostly because we believe what the World has to say about self-worth and value…we brag about our accomplishment and those of our family. And a prideful heart gives us a false sense of wellbeing.

Last Christmas Eve, I ran into a minister I knew (from a church in the city I had belonged to), at the supermarket, . He has always been a kind, gentle and humble man. And that is why I was dumbfounded, when he held me captive for about 10 minutes bragging on his daughter and her accomplishments in college. And not one time, did God get the glory.

Yes, bragging on anything that God is not the center of—is very dangerous territory for us.

“So if you want to brag, do what the Scriptures say and brag about what the Lord has done.” I Corinthians 1:31, ICB (see Jeremiah 9:24)

And the way to not be dragged into a bragging match is to study the above scriptures, until you believe them and agree with every word and understand how this applies to your life. At that point you will know deep in your heart bragging on any accomplishments as your own, is fruitless and more than likely has a root of pride.

Just as bragging is a sneaky little devil and will trip you up before you know it—rivalry is its mirror twin.

You belong to a book club and everyone has to bring a dessert. You bring your momma’s award winning pound cake. And bam! One of the other women comes up to you and says, “Well, I guess we will have to see whose is the best,” as she points to hers.

Now all of a sudden you are beginning to have some kind of feelings about her statement. You might even say to yourself, “Well, of course mine is going to be better!” And you know what, it just might! But there is still a heart issue in both of you. 

What is the correct response to someone like this? I personally like to ask them, “Why?” “Why do we have to see if one is better than the other?” “I made this cake out of love and I pray it will be enjoyed.” The "why" usually gives reason for pause?

I chose pound cake because I have a recipe for a sour cream rum pound cake that’s a big winner and ususally one of the first things to go. But I feel the minute I decide to brag on how good they are, would be the time it came out dry and some main ingrediant missing. And there is nothing worse than dry pound cake. ~Smile~

When I cook and bake for others, it is out of love and a desire to give something to someone else. And on the days I don’t feel like doing it—I don’t! I can no longer be manipulated or challanged into doing things I don’t want to. The Holy Spirit is the only to change my mind, and when that happens, I know it’s going to work out fine.

And yes, it has taken a lot of work and time for me to arrive at this point. You see, the old slef, was the one that once you brought the competition to my door—I wanted to not just beat you, but slay you! But praise God I am FREE from that foolishness and mess!

Knowing who we are in Christ and assured that every good and perfect gift comes from God (including being a fantastic baker), there is never a need to be sucked into a rivalry, competition or comparisons—especially with another sister-in-Christ. 

Pride…is an ugly and dangerous devil if ever there was one. The Bible tells us God hates pride and it’s an abomination unto Him. It blinds and deceives us. It causes us to hurt, mistreat and offend others. It’s mean spirited to the core.

Here’s a quote from Mother Teresa, which really sums it up…“If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.”

In other words...it doesn't make one bit of difference...either way!

Now a gossiping tongue can ruin a life and reputation. Gossip can cause so much hurt and pain, and irreparable damage. How do we not get sucked into gossip? Address it immediately!

I called a good friend and spiritual sister of mine to vent one day. She’s a good one to vent to because she helps me look at whatever is going on throw the lens of the Bible. (We all could use women like that in our lives.) And midstream, she just said, “I have to go!” We never end a phone conversation like that. Even, when she really might have to go, it is in a different tone and some explanation. But praise God, I didn’t just let her go, and asked “What’s wrong?” She shared I was dogging the person I was talking about. I had left the page of venting about what they had done that day, onto every wrong I could think of over the past 5 years.

Sometimes in order to protect yourself, you might have to just cut off the conversation, but I personally think you should speak up to the person. (If they bring it to your door then you have the right to speak on it.) Often we think we are okay in what we are doing, when in fact we are not. But, if no one is bold enough to tell us, how will we know?

One thing I learned in counseling is changing the focus to the one talking. If a woman is talking about how someone hurt her, instead of listing to the list of offenses (and especially since the other party is not there), it’s best to turn the focus on why she is hurt. And maybe look at the part she played in it. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t. It all depends on the person involved. Some of us, no matter what, can make sure the focus goes back to the one who has wronged us.

If someone calls me under the guise of praying for someone but really wants to gossip, I call them on it! Either they accept responsibility and see what they are doing or they move on.

Recognize gossip immediately for what it is and act accordingly. Maybe you might have to just get off the phone or excuse yourself if in person . Maybe you will have the opportunity to address it, or can help the individual see it from a different perspective of compassion and love. But no matter what method you use—be quick about it.

You see sisters, the more we are in tune with Christ and know exactly who we are in Him; the less we are pulled into other people’s messes. There is no need.***

Is this easy to achieve? Not necessiarly because it has to become a lifestyle. It’s not something you study, get and move on. It’s a continuous growth process in our lives and a big part of spiritual maturity.

Making Jesus Lord, studying the Bible and being obedient to what it says…is the foolproof way to make sure you no longer are the mess, or get pulled into someone eles's mess. 

Either way, the payoff is freedom and a chunk of the good life. Amen!

***And this includes all the mess on Facebook and twitter concerning the new President elect. 

Until next week,

Love and Hugs

Ponnie