Comparisons and Past Things!

Comparisons can be a plus or a negative in the life of a Believer. Bringing up the past is also a double sided coin. There is good to the past just as there are things we would choose to do over if we could. But because our sin nature has the tendency to look at the negative of things more so than the good or positive—we end up in the muck and mire most times.

Married women like to compare their husbands, to the men they see on television shows (especially soap operas), their neighbors, friends, family, coworkers and church members. Oops, don’t let me forget Facebook!

We often compare our husbands and marriages to others in a way that brings about envy, jealousy and covetousness, or pride. Either way, it feeds into our sinful nature.

A few weeks ago, there was a challenge going around on Facebook for married women to post pictures of them and their husbands for seven days. It was supposed to support marriage and love. The thought may have come from a good place, but in reality it really wasn’t such a good idea. And I say this because it came off as phony and an opportunity for people to brag in their pictures. I wrote a post about how I was tired of seeing it and jokingly threatened to block folks who kept doing it. But you know what; a lot of my married friends who did not participate were tired of it too. I didn’t ask them why, but from some of the comments on my post you could tell they were tired of the bombardment of pictures we've already seen.

One person who participated commented that it could be encouraging someone struggling in their marriage. Sorry, I didn’t buy that one, because if you are struggling in your marriage, seeing all these happy pictures of couples on vacations, at galas and so on—was not about to make you feel better. No! It was only going to magnify your problems. It only intensified the feelings of being lonely or a neglected wife.

Anyone who has been married any length of time knows—marriage takes work! And it is not always smiles, hugs and kisses. There are times of tears, misunderstandings, trials, tribulations and heartaches. Working with women in crisis I know all too well that abused women have many fabulous pictures of grand honeymoons, wedding anniversaries, bouquets of flowers, the latest diamond jewelry and family vacations. But if pictures were taken of their beatings, they would reveal black eyes, broken bones, bruises, welts and missing teeth. There are not enough diamonds or flowers to correct that!

There's an old saying, “A picture says a thousand words.” And the truth is—those thousand words can all be lies. Yet, we continue to judge outwardly and envy others. We might also know someone whose marriage is not the best and the flip side to that is—we get puffed up because in comparison, our husband shows up better.

But not only do married women have issues with comparisons…we all do. Single, married, widowed, separated, divorced or engaged. Comparing our lives and bodies to that of others is a common thread amongst us all. And in our own human state we have the tendency to focus on what we don’t have. Or if we do focus on what we have, it becomes prideful. So, what are we to do?

If we must make comparisons, then let it be God focused.

Okay, so maybe your marriage is not all you had hoped or would like it to be. But how is it in comparison with your obedience to God’s Word? What changes have been made as you decide to do things God’s way?

Has a soft and gentle answer to your husband, defused arguments and bad attitudes in your marriage? My bible says, it will! Does, seeing your husband for who he can be, versus who he is at the moment, empower your prayers for him, your marriage and your faith in God? It should!

You see sisters, when we compare our lives to God’s Word and what He is doing and has the capacity to do—it becomes a win-win.

Some of us are unhappy because life just didn’t turn out the way we had hoped. We are in our later years, and find ourselves facing health or financial issues. Some of us are steeped in debit from college loans, shopping, keeping up with the Jones’ or just poor management of our money. Some of us want to be married and have kids. Some of us feel God has not been fair in how He seems to reward others. Because when we look at their lives—they are just a mess!

With what is going on in the world today—we should know without a doubt that we are blessed and highly favored, just like the good book says!

Our mainstream Western news media is not good on world news. Well, truth be told, they’re not good on local news either. But we as Believers must make it a point to dig for world news about our brothers and sisters, and people in general, ourselves.

Take the people of Syria who have been catching it for some time now. Those who have not been able to get out are destitute, especially in Aleppo. The pictures of them just sitting in rubble without, proper shelter, sanitation, and food and water are heartbreaking. Today there was a report the aid that has been sent is to finally get through to those who so desperately need it. (Let's pray it does.)

Now I ask you “Can any of you say you’re experiencing this type of devastation and turmoil in your life?” Have you been driven out of your homeland, with nothing? And when I say, “Nothing,” I mean absolutely nothing, but the clothes on your back. You have no papers to verify who you are—not even that your children belong to you. This is what people are going through. Not knowing where their families are, drowning in overcrowded boats as refugees. One elderly Christian woman wasn’t even allowed to get her false teeth.

If we take time to compare our lives to the lives of those who are in the Middle East, we can only be grateful it is not us, but in a humble heart of gratitude because it could be. In fact, the way things are lining up…it most certainly could be us one day.

The past usually brings problems when viewed from our natural lens. We have this thing about the good old days. Which when viewed through the light of God’s Word, were far from a good old anything.

Yes, there are times we really need to look back. If only to see how far we have come versus looking forward at how far we are from where we think we should be. We need to remember the hard times and how God showed up in them. But most of all—how much stronger we are now.

 The hard times are the best times of growth in patience and faith.

Our past experiences with God give us our greatest point of reference as to how faithful He is to His promises!

Here’s a quick comparison and look back I recently did. Last year this time, I moved in as a roommate with another woman. Things were talked up to be a certain way, but in reality it was nothing like I had hoped and been led to believe. Honestly—I hated it there. But, it was a place I had to be for a season. And I know this to be true because I didn’t manipulate things in any way to move there. In fact it was a door God opened. For a time I was disappointed, felt cheated and deceived. But as I compare this time last year to now—I would not be in the peaceful state of mind I am in today, had I not experienced that 9 month season back then. It was necessary to prepare me for what I was to experience just a month after moving out.

Truthfully—what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger in Christ Jesus!

When we come to understand the truth Paul had learned about contentment. (See Philippians 14:11-13) It changes our perspective on life completely.  

You see sisters; your life is your life! And that includes the good, the bad, and the ugly.  So, stop comparing yourselves and your lives to others. Stop living in the past of the, “good ole days”. Stop wasting time on things you have no power to change and focus on the One who does.

I continue to encourage you to read your bibles daily—if only for 15 minutes a day.

If you really need to have a comparison, then compare your raggedy, messed up, sinful life to the new creature you are now. And focus on Jesus being Lord in your life and obey His commands. It will change your life forever. Amen!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie