I will be 62 on my next birthday, and my life is nothing like I had envisioned it would be. Am I sad or disappointed about this? There’re been times where I’ve been both, but let me give you a little background on the past 23 years.
Jesus was someone I knew of since I can remember. I came up
in a time where every kid in my block went to Sunday school and VBS (Vacation
Bible School). I was also blessed to go to Christian summer camp a few weeks
each summer. So, Jesus was not a stranger. In fact I accepted Christ as my
Savior when I was 7 years old. But I would come home to a godless household and
soon the excitement of wanting to live the life of a Christian would wean and
fade away.
My high school years were spent at a Seventh Day Adventist
boarding school. I was baptized in 11th grade. But again, I would
eventually return to a home void of God and any love. So, when I graduated high
school my main goal was to leave this home. But I didn’t run to Jesus—no—I ran
to the world and all that glittered.
By my late 30’s I had a 14 year old daughter (single mom) had dropped out of college, drank too much and was just plain beat-up from life. It was then I knew where to go!
After many hit and misses (ready to give up) I found a good
church fellowship, and all the fire and passion I knew as a kid game back! Only
problem, it wasn’t supported by knowledge or real understanding yet. An old
flame showed up and one poor decision to spend the night with him, resulted in
being pregnant and alone at the age of 39.
I was scared to death! But I was also ashamed, because in my
zeal of being a Christian, I had become judgmental and religious. Now, I would
be judged.
With an abortion scheduled, God challenged me, (Now remember
I really did not know Him, just of Him.), “If you will trust Me and not commit
this sin to cover your sin, I will take care of
you and this baby and supply all that you will ever need.” My pastor
told me, “Ponnie you will have to learn to trust God at some point in your
life—now is as good as any!” I told God, “I would take Him up on his offer but
I was scared.”
Twenty-two years later and it is nothing like I thought it would be.
God has been so faithful to His word—but I thought it would be easier! I’ve made many sacrifices to do things God’s way and raise my
daughter the way He wanted. I never got to go back to working in Corporate
America making good money, finish getting my college degree or live the better
material life I once had. Instead, He demanded a life of service, I wasn’t prepared
for.
The hospital where I delivered my preterm daughter called me
to see if I wanted to be part of grant they had received. It turned into a great
part-time job with really good benefits. But thus began my work as an inner
city missionary. I brought my first mom and newborn home when my daughter was
about 9 months old.
Well, as a missionary I knew I wasn’t going to be financially rich.
Then came homeschooling for 7 years, working from home and
still helping women and children in crisis.
Over the years I have helped and given so much to others and
I found myself recently feeling that though God has kept His promise, I got the
short end of the stick on it. Ever feel that way?
At this age, I thought I would be living better and doing
more. It’s been so long since I went on a vacation, had money for new clothes
or a night out where I didn’t have to depend on someone to treat me. Don’t get
me wrong, I’m just trying to share how I’ve been feeling about life. I know I’m
not alone, and I want others to see that they are not alone either.
Sitting on the porch a few nights ago, I asked God, “Has it
mattered? Has all that I have done, mattered at all?” No answer. “How come I
don’t have much to show for all my hard work?” Still…no answer. “God, I know
you love me, but it feels like I’m forgotten.” Then I heard, “Job well done my
good and faithful servant!” At that point the tears began to flow.
He reminded me that my name is in the “Book of Life” and I
have done a good job in doing what He has asked of me and to look forward to
the things I have built up in Heaven.
See, God never promised me life would be easy. I thought in
His saying, “I will supply all your needs” I would at least have the lifestyle
I had worked so hard to achieve before. My bad! He never promised me a “rose
garden” of any type. He said, “Trust Me!”
Sisters, life often does not turn out anything like we ever
dreamed or hoped for. Some of us have more than we had ever hoped would come of
our way, and then there are those of us who might be scratching our heads and
wondering what happened? But through it all—God is faithful!
Paul shared that the secret to contentment is...we can
do all things through Christ Jesus who is our strength!
Each new day brings potential for change. It only takes one
word from God for that to happen. I had a particular job to do for a particular
season, and God is not finished with me yet!
How wonderful to know that one day, face-to-face with Jesus,
I shall hear those sweet words again—“Job well done my good and faithful
servant!” If I never get another vacation, it will all have been worth it!
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