When I see the word, “respect” I hear Aretha
Franklin singing…R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what
it means to me, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, take care, TCB—oh, sock it to me, sock it to
me,” which makes me want to dance and brings back good memories of times past.
But that is not always the case in the Kingdom?
Respect: noun—a feeling of admiring someone or
something that is good, valuable, important or have high or special regard for…in other words, “esteem”.
Philippians 2:3b tells us that in humility we are to value or esteem others above ourselves.
Being disrespectful is not always as blatant as your child talking back, or a co-worker using inappropriate language and or someone calling you out of your name. No, often it is a more subtle practice, especially in the Body of Christ.
A lack of respect often shows up under the
guise of “opinion”. Two people can have completely opposite opinions on
something, and neither is wrong. They can both be right in their perception of
things for them. Or one could be right and the other wrong—but is that an open
invitation to steamroll someone to make sure they know you’re right? Is that
the respectful or loving thing to do?
No.
I used to be one who had to get my point
across whether I was right or wrong. My false sense of pride tricked me into
thinking I was right even if that were not the case. A couple of weeks ago I
shared how there was a period when it was very important to me that people knew
how smart I was and all that I had achieved. It was important because growing
up all I ever heard from my mother was how “stupid” I was. So, my
self-worth and value were wrapped up in what I did. In other words, “It defined
me.”
Talking on the phone is one of my favorite
past times, and most of my friends and I have very lengthy conversations. Our calls
usually span 2.5 – 3 hours, because they are weekly or bi-weekly. You might be wondering what in the heck we
have to talk about if we are not gossiping? Well, there are a lot of things in
this world to talk about without ever speaking negative about anyone,
especially when the focus is on improving your own life. And I love that we
have such great respect for one another. Do we always agree on everything? Heck
no! But with mutual love and respect it doesn’t cause a problem. We can back
down if need be and let the other have it.
It took time for me to grow into the place
of mutual respect even if I’m not on the receiving end of it. As I learned what
it means to esteem others higher than myself it became easier to back down in
most cases. I say, “Most,” because I still slip up at times. J
We all have some type of insecurity or
back story, which effects how we filter things. And everything someone says is
sifted through their own personal filter. So, if we were always told how dumb,
stupid, ugly or worthless we were—then that becomes our filter. Example: Someone says to you, “Don’t you think
you could have done that a little differently.” you might hear, “That was so
stupid!” It’s all in how our filters are set.
This is why it is very important to show
respect in how we deal with others, because depending on their filter, a person
with a strong opinion—can tear down another person.
Facebook is also a place where we should practice
respect and restraint with our comments and opinions. Just the other week, I
encountered a situation that reflected how great things can turnout when we do
that.
I ran into comments on the status of a
friend that was sort of derogatory about homeschooling and Christians. I was
tempted to add my two cents, but out of respect I didn’t and when my friend saw
the comments she handled it very eloquently and appropriately because she knew
the person, (it was her fb buddy not mine) and how to approach them. Therefore,
no argument or hurt feelings ensued on my part.
As a mother of grown women, I struggle
often with keeping my opinion to myself. It is not because I don’t think they
aren’t capable—it’s the mother in me being able to let go and allowing them to
be. For years it was my job to tell them what to do and correct them, but not
so much anymore. Just as I would not tolerate my daughters being disrespectful to
me, I need to make sure I am showing them the godly love and respect they
deserve also. As mother’s we are not exempt when it comes to our children.
Have you ever responded in a short or curt
“What!” when one of your children or husband called out to you? Letting them
know they were irritating or bothering you? When we do that we are being unkind
and disrespectful.
It’s also disrespectful to always have to
have the last word. And we can be so very guilty of that with our spouses,
coworkers, friends and even bosses.
Humility plays a huge part in us being
kind and respectful when we feel or know we are right. It is humility that
enables us to push “self” aside and value the other person and their feelings
more than being right or showing them they are wrong. Humility is something we have to work on everyday of our lives.
Sisters, don’t be a bulldozer—we should never want others to feel, “I Get No Respect” from her. Let’s follow the advice of Wayne Dyer, “When the choice is to be right or be kind, always make the choice that brings peace.” Amen!
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