FEAR—That Sneaky Little Devil

As many of you already know, I often like to supply the definition for a particular word or theme to my blogs. I do this, not because I think my readers are not well informed or don't have substantial word vocabularies—no! I do it simply to put us on one accord as to where I’m coming from. After all—one word can mean different things to many different people. So when I started to define “fear” from the Webster’s point of view I realized it would never do! As Believers, when we experience the type of fear that paralyzes us and or stops us from moving forward and succeeding—it all boils down to—low self-confidence and mostly a lack of trust in God.

Some of us are so fearful about life we can’t see or think straight! And then there are those of us, who don’t realize how fearful we are or have become over the years.

I didn’t plan how 2014 would be (don’t make New Year’s resolutions), only that I wanted to soar more than I have been. And by the Holy Spirit’s direction and guidance, I see it is turning into a face-my-fears, and jump-out-of-my-comfort-zone kind of year.

It started back in October 2013, and continues to be a combination of big things and little things.

An example of a little fear is my crocheting an infinity scarf. I’ve only done baby blankets and throws...all off the same pattern I learned 15 years ago so I could crochet a baby blanket for my first granddaughter.  And in all these years, I’ve done the same pattern so many times I’ve lost count. Sure, I change the colors and patterns of the colors so no two babies have the same design—but that’s about it. Recently a dear friend, (who can crochet and knit her butt off), encouraged me to step out when I saw a beautiful infinity scarf on Facebook. She encouraged me to try it, using the fans that I am familiar with. I was excited because using the familiar gave me the courage to try. Of course sisters, it was not that easy—it never is! LOL!

When I went shopping for the yarn she suggested, I found out it was a soft yarn (home spun). My heart sank as I looked at all the beautiful colors they had. I hate using “soft yarn”! Why? I did a baby blanket once using it, and it gave me a fit. I found it much harder to work with and it snagged a lot. When I finally did finish the blanket it was beautiful to say the least, but I had made a statement to God about never using it again—or something to that effect!  But the Holy Spirit didn’t let me off the hook, He encouraged me to get it—so I did.

Is it snagging? Yes! And when I found myself being discouraged, He spoke to me again and said, “You can do this.” so, I agreed with Him and I’m doing it. Also my friend Marcia reminded me that often “We must work harder for the more beautiful things.”

The big fear I’m currently working on is—a 4 week writing course! I wasn’t fearful in taking the course, (it’s been a desire of mine for over a year), it’s the fear of failing the course. My first online session was Thursday, February 12^th, and I thought I would pass out once I started reading the lecture. I was overwhelmed with a flood of self-doubt. And to top it off, our instructor asked everyone to introduce themselves on our message board. Once I started reading that some were already published, most have some type of degree, and several are world travelers and live in other countries—I was overcome with feelings of inferiority and a great sense of insecurity, which was the “Cherry on top”!

For a moment it was almost impossible for me to remember to see myself as God sees me and that all those other people and their degrees had nothing to do with me—at all!

Truthfully girls—it was a rough day!!

God being the loving and caring Father that He is did not leave me flailing. No, He made sure I was encouraged in a huge way. As I finished reading the lecture, I was pleased to see that salesmanship was one of the biggest skills a copywriter could have. That was right up my alley. I am a natural born salesperson, with a lot of experience in retail and marketing. Bingo! The onslaught of negative emotions and thoughts (my fears) began to ease up and I was able to see the light the Holy Spirit was shinning for me.

My first week’s writing assignment was a simple one, but loaded with research. And I am very grateful for that. Already I’ve had to start the process of moving out of a comfort zone and paying more attention to some things than others. I’ve opened an instragram account (need to be part of that world as a copywriter), don’t know how to use it yet though, but I opened it. ~Smile~

If we take one day at a time, we will continually make progress. I don’t have a clue as to what this Thursday’s class will entail or what we are going to do with our research. I’m not even sure  I picked the right product and company as my project for the next 3 weeks? But I do know that God is with me. I have great assurance the Holy Spirit will help and guide me all the way. And Jesus, our High Priest is cheering me on as I remember I have access through Him, to every spiritual blessing in heaven. But so do you my dear sisters—so do you!

If the fear of failing and self-doubt have been holding you back from moving forward, it's time to look them square in the eyes and step out on faith.

Until next week

Love & Hugs.....Ponnie

No More Sticking My Head in the Sand!

Contrary to popular belief, Ostriches do not bury their heads in the sand when they fear danger. They flop down and stay close to the ground, but metaphorically speaking, we has humans have a way of burying our heads in the sand. I know because that’s what I’ve been doing for some time now.

Recently I ordered a bathroom scale from Amazon.com. It’s been long overdue, but for the past several years I just couldn’t bring myself to purchase one. Why? Well, for starters I kept convincing myself that though I am overweight I don’t need to know how much, until after I’ve lost weight. Sounds sort of wonky doesn’t it?  Truthfully it was a way of burying my head in the sand about the truth. The truth of how much do I weigh and how much do I need to lose?

There was an underline fear that if I knew the truth, it would crush me. Of course this is not making much sense, but then again “fear” can have that affect on you. And since I chose to bury my head in the sand about it, over the years I’ve never really gotten but so far in making effective change in this area of my life. 

 “If God is for us, who can be against us?” is a favorite scripture, often quoted as a reminder when something or someone has come up against us. But when you sit down and think about it—it also pertains to us—because often we can be the one against us.

It is God’s desire for us to be the best we can be, so why do we allow fear to hinder us from being our best? Why do we allow fear to play such a major role in our lives, if God is for us? Bottom line—we have what we allow. Sticking our heads in the sand gives fear a place—and the more we pretend it isn’t there the bigger root it can take.

I used to think of myself as being pretty fearless and when I was younger I’m sure I was. And where I find myself today didn’t happen overnight. No! It was a slow walk. Disappointment and failures over the years have somehow eaten away at my youthful fearlessness. I allowed the loud voices of this distracting world, to become louder and more prominent than that of God’s. That’s the bad news! But the good news is…I’m taking the bull by the horns and looking my fear in the eyes and head on! It is the only way to move forward and leave trepidation behind!

Reading books by others who walk with the Lord can help us in many ways, but there are times we really just need to hanker down with the Bible and read as much and as often as we can. Here is where we are going to hear more from God about ourselves. When the Holy Spirit shines a light on you, it is virtually impossible to have a blind eye to what He is revealing. But that is not the only thing we will gain when we spend time with God…we will be encouraged and fortified in our faith, which enables us to rise up out of our messes with renewed strength!

Okay, let’s get back to the bathroom scale. By the time you get to read this blog, I should have it in my possession and the yoga outfits I found for next to nothing. I also have a tape measure that turns blood red after 35” on your waist measurement, which I have not used once in the past 10 or so years I’ve owned it. Well, my dear sisters, I am going to get on that scale and weigh myself, measure my waist, thighs, breasts, hips and forearms. I will take a selfie in my yoga clothes (doubt it will be a pretty sight), a close up of my face and write everything down. I might even cry a little bit—who knows. But it will all be a huge step in facing my fears and moving forward to a better me—knowing that God is for me!

The older I get the more I find the need to write things down, especially on a daily bases.  If not, the day has a way of slipping away without having much to show for it. This is why I’m writing down my progress by inches and pounds. My goal is to lose weight every week. No, I don’t have a specific number, but losing means not gaining—no matter how small the loss.

How did God make our bodies to lose weight? By watching our calorie intake, eating plenty of raw foods (fruit and uncooked veggies) good fats and natural sugars—laying off processed and junk foods. Drinking plenty of water and exercise! I do have a plan—it’s called, one-day-at-a-time. I’m sure I will have days I do great! I’ll have some that are pretty good; others will be just okay and a few where I totally miss the mark! But to me, that’s living life to the fullest! It’s a very healthy way of achieving a new lifestyle with an abundance of grace for me.

Sisters, we all struggle with some type of fear (a mistrust of God) and for some of us, we have been burying our heads in the sand for way too long. Things will never change for the better as long as we pretend our problems are not there. Spend time with God and lay your fears out before Him and watch what He does with them. Amen!

Next week I share a huge step I've taken to change my life forever while I am on this earth! Be sure to tune in.

Until next week!

Blessings and Hugs......Ponnie

DREAM

The song of the week is Tehillim 23 (Psalm 23) sung in Hebrew…close your eyes and envision David writing and singing this beautiful song...

Because I had my second child at 40, I am now just coming into the possibility of having an empty nest in 2015 at age 62. By some standards I’m sort of late for this juncture in life, but not really because over the years I have met many women who had children in their forties. But lately I’ve found myself asking the Lord, “What will an empty nest look like for me?”

I’m not asking out of fear or any type of trepidation, because the truth is—I will finally be free in many ways. With my children being 18 years apart I will have been a single mom non-stop for 40 years in 2015. For me it has been 40 years of sacrifice and often being on the back burner. And this past year I’ve found myself becoming weary and a bit tired. But I am so grateful I serve a God who will not allow me to stay in that mindset.

There are times we can feel lost when the life we once knew changes and to me this is a normal response. But the trick is not to let it swallow you up and define you in a negative way.

God doesn’t put an age limit on us, in fact He has shown us through His Word, what awesome and miraculous things He can do with those who are deemed “too old”. We have great examples through the lives of Mosses, Joshua and Sarah. Mosses was 80 years old when the Lord called him from the pasture as a sheepherder to be the one to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. So why do we feel we’ve missed our time, just because we are older or years have passed? I personally think it is because we live in a society that worships youth and formal education and we can easily find ourselves buying into the world’s point of view without really thinking about it. But the truth is…none of it has anything to do with what God has to say about us!

I am currently working on an e-book to be published prayerfully in April. But there is a part of me that has been holding back in feeling totally good about it. Of course it is that old devil “fear”! Fear that it won’t do well and so I haven’t allowed myself to be too hopeful about it. Why? Well, I wrote a book over 13 years ago. A book that I know was Holy Spirit led, because there was such a struggle to be honest and transparent in this book. Finally 4 years ago, I dusted it off and entered a book writing contest a major Christian publisher held. At first I was a semifinalist and then a finalist—but I didn’t win. I was devastated, because I thought to myself, “This is it! Finally it will be published.” But it wasn’t, and my confidence in my writing and God weaned a bit. More so in God—I think.

With my latest venture, God has exposed my heart to me. He has shown me the fear that is there and how it is stealing my joy and focus to get things done. There are writing dreams I’ve had for years, but most were placed on hold so I could focus on raising my daughters. Homeschooling, private schools, and everyday living came into play. And then there were those times I did try to follow a dream and things just didn’t work out for me—so bit-by-bit it has chipped away at my confidence and my faith that God was interested in my writing.

As the Lord shinned his light on the problem, I’ve made a change in my attitude and have gotten a “second wind”. Yes, a second wind to dream! I now have increased energy and strength after feeling tired and weak—this is what a spiritual second wind looks like. I started focusing on all that the Word of God has to say about His love and plans for me. I’ve had to change my mindset and shake off the cobwebs of things past. I let the words of my brother Paul, inspire me to keep going. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV)  

This “second wind” has given me the courage to dream again (minus the fear) and have hope that my book will do well. But if for some reason it doesn’t—I will still move forward in my writing. But I’m not stopping there. I’ve always wanted to live somewhere else other than the State of Pennsylvania and I’ve also started to look at relocating. The beauty of being a writer is—you can live almost anywhere. I’m picking up some of those good dreams I thought were lost to me.

Sisters, we all experience disappointment and failed dreams. That is just a part of living, but it doesn’t mean it’s too late for some of them to come true. Don’t let the world or anyone tell you, “You can’t” or “You’re too old!” Let God define what you can and cannot do.

>

Until nest week!

Blessings and Hugs......Ponnie