A Mother's Love

Repost from May 2010...enjoy!

In celebration of Mother’s Day, I am tasked to write this month about a mother’s love. I must be honest...this has been one of the hardest blogs for me to write so far. For days, I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about...even prayed that God would give me the right words to say...but nothing came to mind. As much as I love my children, Zachary and Mali, I simply could not determine what to talk about!

Do I talk about the day that they came into my life and changed me forever? Do I discuss the day that I met each of them and instantly fell in love with them? Or should I discuss the day that each of their adoptions became final and how emotional I felt when the judge officially made me their mother?

They are 13 and 15 now...maybe I will write and reflect about the infant and toddler years. How happy I was when they said their first words or how proud I was the first time that they rolled over, began to crawl and took their first steps. The kids love for me to tell them stories of when they were “little”. I thank God for all of those memories and for the chance to experience each one of them. So many milestones achieved during those early years...too many to put into a blog...

So what do I talk about?

Maybe I will talk about their school years. More major milestones achieved! I can remember how emotional I was the first time I dropped Zachary off at his Kindergarten class. I am sitting here and I am reminded of how, after many struggles in Kindergarten, Mali finally realized that she could read and how my heart swelled with joy. I have to smile when I think about the numerous violin and band concerts, PTA performances, dance recitals and how, no matter how many kids were there, I only saw mine. (I loved to see their faces light up when they saw me in the crowd.) Even now...I tear up ever time I see Mali dance...she is so graceful...more than I will ever be. And to this day, I think Zachary is by far the BEST alto sax player in his band...I’m just saying. *smile*

All of those things are great…but they don’t really talk about a mother’s love, do they?

Let’s see...maybe I will talk about the sacrifices of a mother to show a mother’s love.
The nights that I didn’t sleep because I chose to sit up all night holding Zachary up during his bouts with asthma and bronchitis just so he could stop coughing and get some sleep...or the nights that I walked back and forth to Mali’s room just to make sure she wasn’t having a seizure. The many nights staying in a hospital room on the pediatric ward...the many doctor’s appointments. The decision not to date in order to protect their hearts and to spend more time with them. Not buying that Coach purse because the kids needed new shoes. Taking trips to Disney World and buying LOTS of souvenirs when I would have much rather gone on an adult trip to the Caribbean....I’m STILL making sacrifices for one or the other, year after year!!! (But they will only be kids once, right?) *smile*

All examples of a mother’s love...but I wouldn’t dare write about those experiences because I don’t want to come across as complaining. You see, even though I made those sacrifices for them....I am thankful for the opportunity and I would do it all over again...so, I won’t write about them.

I know...I know...maybe, I will talk about a mother’s love and the power of a praying mother. Maybe I will talk about the countless hours of praying for them to be healed...and once they were healed, praying that God would keep them healthy. Perhaps I should talk about how I begin to pray the minute they walk out the door to go to school for their protection or that they will make good decisions while they are there, the many prayers that they will pass their test or that a friend (or foe) won’t hurt their feelings today. I’ve prayed many times to parent them effectively so that they will grow to be a strong, successful, Christian man and woman. And I’ve prayed about the many times that I may not have parented them so effectively. Seems like so much of my day is spent praying for my babies....but maybe I won’t write about that because isn’t that what a mother is supposed to do.

Maybe I will talk about the pain of a mother’s love. Last night on the news they reported that a mother’s son was found after missing since Jan. 31st. His truck and body were recovered from a lake behind the college that he attended as a freshman. I cry because I have babies too and I can only imagine her pain. It’s a mother’s love that makes you cry when you hear of another mother’s pain...

Hmmm...maybe I should talk about how even while writing this blog, the tears begin to flow...because I am so thankful for my babies.

Sigh...I’m so frustrated. I love my children more than anything...they are two of the greatest people that I have in my life. As I said before, I love the fact that God chose me to be their mother and I thank Him everyday for the opportunity to parent them and yet, I can’t figure out not one thing to write about to express that love.... HELP!



Until the next time,
Sasha

Wednesday's Blog: Cheryl...being raised by a single mom