Have You Become Boring Because You Homeschool?

Now to some this might seem like a really stupid question, “Have you become boring because you homeschool?” I mean homeschool moms are some of the smartest folks I know. But the truth is…everyone is not interested in homeschooling or our kids.

When I first started homeschooling back in the 1990’s and working from home, I found at times I was lonely for female companionship. My world had shrunk to schooling, working by myself, and Tovah. When trying to reach out to other homeschool moms, they all seemed very busy, especially the married ones. Because not only did they spend their days schooling, washing, cooking, cleaning, running kids here there and everywhere, they had husbands in the evening. So, often I heard, “I really don’t have time to talk on the phone or just hangout with the girls?” But as time went on I began to see that moms like that were boring people. Why do I say that? Because they really didn’t have much to talk about outside of homeschooling and marriage. Well, I was single, so marriage wasn’t important to me, and though I homeschooled, I desired to be stimulated beyond that.

Just about every Sunday at church this particular homeschool mom, would corner me to talk about her kids, especially her oldest. Let me rephrase that…it was more like “brag” about her kids and their homeschool achievements. There was another homeschool mom who talked so incessantly that you never got to say anything. When talking to my mentor about this dilemma I found myself in, she advised me to look at why most of the homeschool moms I was meeting seemed boring, constantly bragged about their children or just talked soooo much about nothing. “What do you think it is?” she asked.

Once I could come out of myself and how my needs weren’t being met, I could look a little deeper into the women (who by now) I was trying to hide from. Soon I was able to see the common thread between them. They all needed an outlet, as we all do. They were like pressure cookers, whose gage had not been set correctly to let the steam out at a slow and steady pace. In other words they didn’t have a daily outlet as an adult? And because I am trained to listen (especially to what is not being said) they took my silence and attentiveness as one who cared, when in truth I really didn’t. Now that might seem harsh but it was the truth. I mean who wants to be around someone who talks ALL the time and you never get to say anything??? And everyone thinks their kid is smart and homeschoolers are pretty much a grade or two ahead anyway, so who wants to listen to someone brag on their kid excessively when you have a smart kid too??? The answer is, “No One!”

Once I could begin to see the underlying cause, I did start to have compassion for them. So, I tried to reach out in a different way, but to no avail. They were women who didn’t see that they needed to do some things differently. They were wrapped up in making sure their kids had social interactions and outlets, but not themselves. So trying to touch base with them more during the week really didn’t work, because they liked being so busy they didn’t have time to read a magazine let alone a book, meet once a week for a cup of coffee or just hangout once a month. Nope, being busy was their thing, and they couldn’t see how needy and boring they were. Over the years, I’ve met a lot of boring homeschool moms, but as time passed I’ve met even more who are not! ~Smile~

The common thread I found in the moms who were interesting and a joy to talk to is that they are inquisitive and love to learn. They are individuals outside of their kids and or husbands. Also, they are not insecure and have nothing to prove via their kids and husband. There is no need to brag; in fact they are more open to talking about some of the issues they are having with homeschooling and their children. It’s normal to run into obstacles and problems when homeschooling as with life period. It could be a particular child’s attitude, learning style, your school district, outside activities, or mom just being overwhelmed. But they also have other things to talk about; they all bring something different to the table. Now some of you might feel this is not so much true if you have a large family, but I beg to differ. I have 3 friends who have homeschooled their children since forever. One has 10 kids, the 2nd has 9 and the 3rd one has a total of 8. They all have different gifts and talents and when we get together or just talk on the phone, we always have so much to talk about and share. Yes, we talk about the kids for a minute but then we move on to life. We can discuss our political views, the Bible, current events, and the world in general. There is nothing boring about any of them, and the fact that they run such large households and homeschool to boot, has not stopped them from growing as individuals. It really doesn’t matter if you have 1 child or 10, as much as it depends on you the individual.

Moms, I want you to ask yourselves a few questions?

1. What is your main topic of conversation when talking to others? Is it always about your kids, homeschool or your husband?

2. Do you listen and give others a chance to share or do you feel the need to monopolize the conversation?

3. Are you able to hold a conversation with a diverse group of women? (i.e. Single, married, different ages, races, religions and or cultures and backgrounds?)

4. What books and periodicals do you read other than teacher handbooks and school related materials?

5. If you had to participate in an hour long conversation with 2 women and you could not mention your kids, husband or homeschooling, would you have something to talk about? (Gossip not allowed)

It’s easy for us as women to fall into the rut of making our family our lives, and forgetting about ourselves. If you found that your answers to the above questions show that you are pretty much wrapped up in your own life, maybe it is time for a change.

As Believers we are to be the light unto the world of darkness and touch the lives of those we encounter, but if people want to run when they see us coming or dread that they have to have an encounter with you, what does that say about our witness?

Homeschooling is a very special job, one which takes courage, persistence, perseverance, dedication, and faith to endure. But it is just a part of what we do and we should not allow it to become who we are.

I pray that today I have encouraged you to stretch yourself beyond homeschooling and make time to just hangout with the girls!


Love & Hugs
Ponnie

Next Thruday: Another great homeschooling story, but you will have to tune in to see who writes it! ~Smile~

Friday's Blog: An encouraging word for all women!