Knowing Yourself

It has taken me years (and I mean years), to learn and know the important and intimate things about myself. 

Like most, I was a product of the world’s thinking to gage what we do as our value or self-worth.

I remember a conversation a few years back with a sister-in-Christ, and she described herself as a “Domestic Engineer,” and I knew what she thought she was saying, but I was perplexed as to why she was saying it?

Domestic Engineer is the one who executes household chores; they are a member of the family that does this as a part of their responsibility. A Domestic Engineer can carry out anything from cleaning to do every day jobs for the family….hum! Where’s the word, mom or wife? See, the world’s way of thinking is so askew, we really must be careful in picking up its jargon and points of view.

She was a stay-at-home mom and homemaker. One of God’s most important positions for women, if not the most important. I called her on it, but in a kind way. Only to let her know that what she was doing was important to God, her husband and her family…no matter what anyone may think. And to please drop the empty title of domestic engineer. But we can see how it's such an easy trap to be snared in.

For years, what I did defined who I was. I spent most of my childhood and teen years listening to how I wasn’t anything and never would be. And my mother wishing I had never been born. And no matter how much I tried to win her acceptance or love—I failed—time-after-time. But then in 1991, I went to my first Women’s Bible Study, and learned that working full time, bringing home the bacon and frying it up in the pan (anyone remember that commercial), was never part of God’s plan for us as women—never!

I was a broken woman who was lonely and desperate. I was puffed up with pride in what I did because I thought it gave value to my life and who I was. I was jealous of those who seemed to be moving past me and envious of the things others had. There was a time I wanted to be married and felt that having a child at the age of 40 had blown that hope to smithereens. I gossiped about others because if made me feel better about my life. And yes, there were those who I looked down on. I was petty, vindictive, selfish and unforgiving. I often gave with the motivation and intent of manipulation to get my way. I pretended often to be something or someone I was not.

I am now a woman who is healed of past hurts and pains. I love to laugh, dance and have fun. I hate shopping or sitting down for hours to watch sports. I love the freedom of cooking only for myself! I’m picky about what movies and TV shows I will watch. And I drink red wine and go out for margaritas at least once a year. I don’t worry about people liking me and I no longer gossip. I don’t have time for drama and foolishness. When I say, ‘No,’ I mean no!” And I don’t explain a lot—only when necessary. I am genuinely happy when I see others do well or excel. And I’m quick to help one in need, looking for nothing in return. I know what I like and what I don’t like and I’m learning to be true to myself!

There was a time I pretended to like golf just to be with a guy. But truth be told, I’d rather pick lint off a sweater with a straight pen, and one eye closed versus watch golf on TV. I must admit though, driving the cart around the golf course and eating and drinking at the club house was better than TV. But it was all still just a farce!

I’m free in the fact I finally know who I am and I’m okay with it! In fact—I love me some me! Am I trying to imply that I’ve arrived? Of course not! As long as I have breath in this body, I will be a work in progress—but knowing who I am and seeing the mighty work God has done and knowing He is not finished, is exciting!

When my now 23 year old went off to college, I started talking about a dream of traveling around the United State of America—my homeland. That’s when a few friends and family started asking about the possibility of marriage one day and how I was still young enough. Well, you should see the look on their faces when I start talking about what a future husband would have to look like...

…for one, he would have be a great cook, or love to eat out. I’m an excellent cook, but I now have the freedom to cook when and if I feel like it without a thought to anyone else. He would also have to be financially set. Why? I’m too old to build something with someone else—and I just don’t want too! And he better love garlic—I eat food with garlic in it just about every day. He wouldn’t be able to take it if he didn’t. He couldn’t be needy or clingy. Those are personality types I dislike in men and women. He would need to have hobbies and things he loved to do outside the house.

You see girls—I like who I’ve become. I could never sit and pretend I was interested in football or golf. And I don’t ever want to hear the words, “What’s for dinner?” again, if they are not coming out of my mouth. I think I’m past the days of washing underwear that doesn’t belong to me. And after having a grandson to clean up behind—I prefer an all girls bathroom anyhow.

Maybe you might think I’m being a little too picky or set in my ways. And if I am, that’s okay because I’ve earned the right. I’ve paid my dues and it’s my time. I was a single mom nonstop for almost 42 years and will turn 64 in a little over 3 months. I think I’ve taken care of other people enough to last a lifetime. And I still see myself traveling around the USA!  

I’m hoping I got a few chuckles as you read about my ideal husband, but on a more serious note—do you really know who you are? And if so, are you happy with her?

The Ponnie who walked into the Women’s Bible Study taught by Pat Betters, 25 years ago, ceases to be! And I praise God for that. Because I see too many women in the Body who carry burdens of brokenness, pain and unforgiveness and it doesn’t have to be that way.

Maybe as you were reading the characteristics of the old Ponnie, something felt a little familiar? Maybe you experienced a little tug at your heart. Or possibly you saw something in the new and improved Ponnie you are struggling to be? As I say all the time, “There’s nothing we struggle with that others aren’t struggling with too.”

Guess where I found the real me?

In the pages of the B I B L E!

Yup!

It's where the yokes were broken, and I learned how to be more like Christ. It's where I learned to be free to be me!

Too many sisters in the Body of Christ are sad, and this should not be. Anything in your life you don't like can be changed. It will either be changed through different circumtances or a different attitude and perspective. But either way...God is able.

Until next week,

Love and Hugs

Ponnie

Trusting and Waiting on God

Waiting on God and trusting that He is really working it all together for our good, can be one of the hardest things we endure in our Christian life.

You may not agree with me on this. But have you ever wanted something so badly you’ve moved ahead of God making things happen for yourself? I think we all have at some point in our lives.

Some of you are married to, or separated or divorced from men who if you had waited on the Lord—you would never have been attached too. There are those of you who proclaimed the Lord said it was okay to buy that house or car. You now owe on a house you no longer live in because it was foreclosed on. And you have a car note or lease with insurance that takes all your money.

How many of us are single moms because we didn’t trust God enough to say, “No!” to the man who threatened to leave us, if we didn’t have sex with him? Yet, he left anyway or maybe married you, but you are miserable.

There are those of you who are in jobs, which you hate! But you begged God for this job. And you couldn’t possibly understand why He wouldn’t want you to have this better paying job? After all, it would increase your tithes and offers, so you jumped at it! But in truth, He never told you to take it.

I wonder how many of us are sad and discouraged because we don’t see God moving in a situation we have been prayerful about? How many of us have given up on family, marriages and loved ones? Maybe even our own healing or life changing experience?

I know a woman whose oven door spring broke and she had to use a stick to keep it closed. She wanted a new stove and a few other things done in the kitchen. Her husband, asked her to give him a few months and he would have the money. Well, her version of a few months and his were too different things, so she borrowed the money from her mother and had the work done. Yes, it caused big problems in their marriage. And it really wasn’t even about waiting on her husband, as much as not trusting God in the matter.

There are so many examples of everyday life where we have become impatient with God’s timing and have taken matters into our own hands. I know I’m guilty! But today I want to share my recent faith battle and victory.

In April of this year, I was finally granted health and dental insurance because of the Affordable Care Act, or as many know it as "Obama Care". I was excited and very happy, because the past couple of years, my teeth started getting loose and one fell out in the bottom front and both my wisdom teeth came out. Fillings that I’ve had for over 50 years fell out and I desperately needed dental work.

By this time, I knew I had some type of gum disease and would more than likely lose all my teeth. Honestly, I sat down and cried about it for a minute, and then moved on. Good dental health is so much more important than holding on to failing teeth.

I called a highly recommended dental school and made an appointment in May. I also made an appointment for the first day my insurance kicked in with my primary physician, who I hadn’t seen in years.

Long story short…when the labs came back I was diagnosed with thyroid disease, hypertension, high cholesterol and diabetes.

The Holy Spirit and I came up with a plan and then we let my doctor in on it. LOL! I only took the prescriptions for the thyroid, hypertension and a beta-blocker for my heart—due to the hypertension.

I made a drastic lifestyle change in my diet and exercise.

My first dental appointment had to be reschedule because my pressure was too high. My physician explained I would not be accepted into the program. We had to work on getting it lower.

In the beginning everything was going well. The weight was dropping off, I had more energy and then the heat of summer came and my numbers shot back up! Then another dental appointment went by the wayside. But this time I didn’t bother to reschedule. My doctor was increasing meds and my body wasn’t adjusting well.

To be honest and up front, I was tempted on more than one occasion to be upset with God. I didn’t understand? My mouth was getting worse and it was starting to affect my self-esteem and hinder my social life.

The scripture I have been standing on for this process is… And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19, NIV) Because good dental health is not a desire, but a true need.

By faith I made another dental appointment for October 18^th. I had six weeks to get my pressure down. Even though I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to do that, when I had been doing everything humanly possible—but I believed!

I also stopped taking my blood pressure reading every day. (Please do not stop taking your readings if that is what your doctor prescribes.) I’m just sharing my journey. My reason was, the numbers were not so good. And to work as hard as I was, by watching what I was eating, and cooking healthy and exercising and not see the numbers drop significantly, was discouraging. So, by faith I stopped for a few weeks before my appointment, and trusted God I would be accepted in the program.

And there was more—I now carried a deep shame from the state of my teeth.

Well, October 18^th, was this past Tuesday—my pressure was really good and I was accepted into the program. I met the student who was going to make up my plan with the residents and doctors. I’m scheduled to go back this coming Tuesday and will be moving forward to a new chapter in life.

Praise God!

The exam and process was lengthy. I was in the dental chair for a little over 2 hours, and everyone who was part of the process (six people in all), were kind and very respectful. The Lord addressed the embarrassment and shame I felt with kindness and an overall general concern for my wellbeing.

And I must add the dentists were more than amazed I was not experiencing pain of any kind. (Again, God keeping me.)

Looking back over the past few months, I see how miserable I would have been had I started my dental work this summer as I had hoped. We had heat wave after heat wave. And the hotter it became, the more my pressure went up.

Also, my student dentist who is a junior was not there during the summer. And since I believe, I have the best they have to offer—he is also part of God’s plan and perfect timing.

You see sisters, when we are standing in faith—what we see in the natural has nothing to do with what God is supernaturally doing on our behalf. Even when we don't understand, we can't give up!

The issues my body struggled to overcome weren’t improving the way I wanted them too, and it looked as if I would never get my teeth done. And to top it off, the state of my mouth was getting worse.

There were days I really had to fight the good fight of the faith, and be encouraged by my dear friend and bible teacher. She kept reminding me of God’s faithfulness in my life and what my attitude should be if I really believed God’s Word.

Faith can be a tall order! And especially when what we see with our eyes translates into “It ain’t gonna happen!”

Paul gives us clear insight into how our faith should work. 17For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.” Romans 1:17 (NKJV)

 The Amplified translation is really good too. 17For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed, both springing from faith and leading to faith [disclosed in a way that awakens more faith]. As it is written and forever remains written, “The just and upright shall live by faith.”

I love how it says, “Disclosed in a way that awakens more faith.” That’s the core of our going from faith to faith. It’s never the same. It should be bigger and stronger than last time. There are times we don’t so much need a miracle as we need to remember a miracle once had.

I pray that today’s blog is encouraging to anyone struggling to trust and wait on God’s perfect timing.

And if you don't have a written account of God's miracles, answers to prayers and faithfulness in your life, may I suggest you recall as many of them as you can and write them down. This will help you on those dark days you want to give up or move ahead of God. Amen!

Until next week,

Love and Hugs

Ponnie

We Could Use More Cheerleaders in the Body!

Encore blog: June 13, 2014

In the sisterhood of Christ we are to help one another in ways that the world doesn’t.

Oh, and I have Bible to back me up, “They will know that you are mine, by the way you love one another.” Yup, that’s what Jesus has to say about it. But the world isn't necessarily seeing that we belong to Him from way we are loving on one another. Because as a group there is a weakness in the love and giving department.

One area we are very weak in...is encouraging each other to soar.

We aren’t the cheerleaders we could be. We don't applaud each other and shout, “You can do it sister! Go, Go, Go!” We’re not grabbing hold to support our sister when we see she is ready to give up or fall—no, secretly we often hope she fails.

   

Writing this blog made me dig deep within myself, because there was a time the person I just described, was me! And I needed to come clean, so I could share what was going on in my life at the time.

For one, I was a very (and I mean very), insecure person whose low self-esteem ruled my life, and filled my heart with envy. This stopped me from being totally happy for anyone else.

During the period when I wanted to be married, it hurt every time I heard someone had gotten engaged or had married. I would paint on a happy face and pretend I was happy for them, but the true state of my heart was one full with envy.

Whenever we put our self-worth or value into what we do or accomplish, we will always be envious of others. We will always see ourselves as not measuring up when someone else does better or one-ups us.

Well, this was all fine and good when I lived outside of the Kingdom of God. It's what people in darkness do. But things are supposed to change when we give up residency in the world and move into the Kingdom. And God demanded more of me as He does all His daughters. It was time for change. I had to start putting on the new me—the Jesus me!

Let’s fast forward to today…Now that my understanding of how much God loves me is growing and I've learned there is nothing He has for me that anyone can rob me of—I am free of envy!

The more I strive to walk in love—the freer I am! I Corinthians 13, tells us, “Love does not envy!”

It has taken time for me to learn to believe God what has to say about me. It has taken a lot of work, to no longer think my value or self-worth are linked to what I do or achieve. But it was worth the struggle, because now—I am free of so many things that weighed me down and stole my joy!

But this is a truth that some of us have yet to realize, and it is hurting the Body.

As you all know, I’m a writer. Okay, no big deal! There are plenty of writers in this world and so many different types of writers to boot! (And I am so happy I wasn't called to write text books—of any kind! LOL!) But guess what? None of us are the same—even if we write in the same genre. We all have different skill sets, personalities, and gifts. And this should make us happy for one another!

But in truth—we are so insecure and envious, we are not cheering each other on as we should.

It's sad to have to say this, "But I know women who don’t confess to know Jesus, but help and encourage me more than many of my sisters-in-Christ when it comes to my writing and what I am doing with it.” Prime example—for all the people (including family) I send a weekly email to with this link—very few bother to read the blog. How do I know? There’s a tracker on the blog site.  It doesn’t tell me who reads it, but just how many. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not in the numbers business, I’m just using this as an example of how we don’t support each other when we have an opportunity too.  

Yet, folks will not hesitate to ask me to edit things for them or share information that will enhance their writing endeavors. See, the Kingdom has many writers, want-to-be writers and writers-in-the-making. And I have learned to be happy for them all. Because what they are doing, has nothing to do with what God has anointed me to accomplish.

We are big on quoting scripture concerning sowing seed and gleaning a good harvest when it comes to our finances, but it can be overlooked when it comes to sowing seeds of love and encouragement. We don’t seem to put the same value on it as money. But a harvest of love, is something money will never be able to afford you.

Sisters, if you are one who is envious or jealous of others, you have a heart issue that needs to be worked on. First confess it to God and ask Him to help you get to the root and make change. Then purpose to encourage and cheer on as many as you can..even when your envious of them. 

When we see a sister trying to start her own business, we should cheer her on! Instead of being jealous someone bought her first house before you—cheer her on! She’s published her first book and you are still working on yours—cheer her on! She’s pregnant before you—cheer her on! She's trying to get healthy and is losing weight—cheer her on!

Become a cheerleader and let’s show the world what it really looks like to belong to Jesus.

Until next week,

Love and Hugs

Ponnie