Paul tells us how to behave as Christians and petty is
not part of the scenario. In fact we are not to repay evil for evil and we overcome
evil by doing good and a lot more. (Romans
12:9-21) click to read
For years when I read this scripture, I mostly thought of
the big things people do or have done to me, but the truth of the matter is…all
sin has little foxes in it.
Tit for tat or pettiness are the little foxes of repaying
evil for evil. But the consequences can be huge, because it gives the devil a
foothold and that always ends up poorly for us.
Years ago while in full-time ministry, my youngest daughter
and I had to live with a younger married couple for a few months. It turned out
to be my first experience witnessing how pettiness can bring unhappiness and
havoc to a marriage. (Happy to say, they are still married and have a lovely
family.)
Their house was a two-story home with a basement where the
dryer was. It wasn’t unusual for me to find it full of dried clothes when I
went to use it, so I would not only bring the clothes up to the main floor but
I folded them. I was trying to lend a helping hand, since they both worked
and had a toddler.
But because they had the problem of “You should do this
because I do this!” syndrome, they would argue over who should take the basket
of folded clothes upstairs to the bedroom. And it got so bad that they would
take out what they needed and still leave the basket with clothing on the first
floor.
Sin, has a way of convincing us we are right (even when we
are so wrong) and blinding us to the blessings at hand. You see, they missed
the blessing of the clothes being folded and one level closer to the bedroom,
and especially the wife, because laundry seemed to be her chore. And needless
to say the day she told me her husband didn’t like the way I folded his socks,
was the last day I helped with laundry.
Pettiness—keeps a record. Tit for tat—encourages you to payback.
“I’ve put out the trash the last three times.” “I wash your
dirty dishes in the sink, but you wash yours and leave mine!” “You never clean
the lint filter in the dryer.” “I always take the things you put on the steps
upstairs, but you walk right past mine.” And as the record grows, so does the
temptation to repay.
“Hum, that stuff can sit on the stairs forever; I’m not
taking it up!” “From now on, I’m only washing my stuff in the sink!” “The trash
can sit until it runs over and stinks up the whole house, I’m still not taking it out!”
But this doesn’t only happen in our home lives, it’s in our
workplace, family gatherings, college dorms and church.
Sin, is everywhere.
We can’t run from it! Can’t hide from it! But we do have
authority over it.
To be petty or try to give as good as you get, is a spirit
that controls a lot of saints. I used to be a very petty person. It would rise
up the moment I felt I was being taken advantage of. (And don’t think I still
don’t struggle from time-to-time with those feelings—because I do.) But as I
began to grow in the Word, Jesus showed me how following His way leads to a
better quality of life.
We have all had someone in our lives who is always asking
for favors or help and the one time we’ve gone to them—it’s not convenient. And what was one of the first things that came
to mind? “Next time they ask me to do something for them, the answer is going
to be, No!” Or we stop answering their calls for a few days? Yup, that is
pettiness at its finest. We not only can feel this way about a friend, but also
our spouse, and even our own children. Feeling used or underappreciated (self)
can really bring up some nasty stuff in us.
The key to putting a petty spirit in a coffin and nailing it
shut, “Aka” making sure it is dead and buried are to—do things to please the
Lord—and stop keeping a record of what we have done or what someone else has not
done. Obedience and love are key!
Take for example the couple I described, if just one of them
had picked up the basket and taken the clothes up on their way to the bedroom,
so many arguments and wrong attitudes would not have been part of their
evenings after a long day at work.
Proverbs tells us a wise woman builds her house up, and a
foolish one tears it down with her own hands. Therefore the wife could have
looked at things from a couple of different perspectives. Even though her
husband came home before her and would walk right past the laundry basket, she
could have been grateful the clothes were folded and taken them up. And even if
she felt her husband should have taken them up, a wise woman would have not
wanted the argument and taken them up to keep the peace—for blessed is the
peacemaker. And though she might have felt underappreciated and overworked she
should have picked up the basket if only to please God!
One last thought on the subject—she was more than blessed
that she didn’t have to spend her weekends or evenings in a Laundromat.
And yes, the husband could have so easily picked up the
basket of clothing and taken them upstairs as well…but I’m talking to you
ladies, so we will leave him to be in a brother’s blog telling men to how love
on their wives and what have you. ~Smile~
But keeping a record of what she did and what he didn’t do became
a source of contention for them both.
Funny thing though, when I started putting their clothes
back in the dryer when I was finished, they stopped arguing about the basket.
The clothes just stayed in the dryer for days (not the baby’s clothing) and
they would each walk all the way to the basement to get things they needed.
Until finally the wife brought them up.
No matter how long she tried to hold out, she still ended up
bringing them up from the basement and folding them anyhow. The trickery and
illusion of sin!
We are not responsible for what others do. And even if you
are in a marriage where you feel your husband should help out more around the
house, or with the kids, until God changes his heart and mind, He still
requires you to respond according to His Word.
You want to see God move quickly in your marriage or other
areas of life—do things His way and it will happen!
I’m not saying your husband will change or your
circumstances will change. But I guarantee you will change and start doing
things differently, and that is all that really matters.
Sisters, let’s put our petty childish ways behind us, and be
adult about things. When tempted to be petty in the way you handle a
situation—let the Word of God and the Holy Spirit have reign and let your
response be in love and obedience. Amen!
Until next week...
No comments:
Post a Comment