Just So Darned Ungrateful!

“She’s so ungrateful!” “He just takes me for granted.” “No one in this house appreciates me!” “My boss never tells me I’m doing a good job.” “My parents don’t acknowledge the extra things I do!”

It has taken years for me to come to the realization that giving people the power to validate me, also gives them the power to annihilate me.

Because I was not loved as a child, I somehow came to believe as an adult I could make people love me, by the things I did for them. Yes, that is a very tiring and I might add, very unrewarding way to live. (It has many valleys and some mountains.) But my need and desire to be accepted and loved continued to push me to try and make it happen.  No matter how much the writing on the wall said otherwise.

With the Christmas holidays quickly approaching, there will be an abundance of opportunities for the enemy to make us feel that all our hard work was for naught and people really don’t care.

We will shop to we drop. Spend money we don’t have and so much more. And at the end of it all, someone, somewhere, will not thank us, not applaud us and most of all…will not be grateful!

I want to ask a question, “Do you thank God for everything He does for you?” If you answered “Yes,” you’re dreaming. I say this because we haven’t a clue as to what all God does. It is impossible to know what harm or danger He has kept us from and all the blessings bestowed upon us. And even in all the things we do know and see—we still don’t always thank Him.

When my youngest daughter started attending school in 8^th grade (she was homeschooled) I would pray over her and plead the blood every morning before she left. And one day the Holy Spirit asked, “When are you going to start thanking the Lord when she walks through that door every day?” Yes, I was guilty of making a daily request and casting my care for her safety on God, yet I still neglected to thank Him for granting, “Yes."

Do you thank God every time you put something in your mouth—lifesaver—gum—piece of candy? Do you thank Him every time you load the dishwasher, washing machine or dryer? Do you thank Him for your Dyson or do you mumble a little bit because you really don’t like vacuuming? See sisters, we don’t thank God for everything He does or gives us. And the moment we mumble and complain about anything, we are being ungrateful.

When you’re upset with your husband is your focus on the good he does, or what he did to upset you? Is your attitude one of gratefulness or scorn? The same goes for our place of employment. When we feel we are not being treated fairly or are underappreciated we lose focus of the fact we have a job and how God is using it to meet a need. And we most certainly forget how hard we prayed and begged Him for the job to begin with.

And when we choose (on purpose) not to handle a situation God’s way, we are really ungrateful for all that Christ did and went through on the Cross for us.

I think I’ve made my case as to how no one can be more ungrateful than us at times.

Personally, I’ve been struggling with people being ungrateful most of my Christian walk. Of course it has been in different degrees and has weakened as I grow in the Word. But even so, I still find myself saying or thinking how ungrateful people are from time-to-time. The good thing now is I quickly get an auto correct from the Holy Spirit, because the truth is—people don’t have to be grateful. I mean, when you think about it, they really don’t.

We train our children to say, “Thank you,” and tell them how grateful they should be when people do things for them or give them something. But gratefulness is an issue of the heart and we can only tell them, we can’t make them.

But there is one sure fire way to conquer the, they are so ungrateful syndrome and that’s by doing things to please God and remembering His mercy in our own ungratefulness toward Him. Yup, that’s how you become free from, “She’s so ungrateful!” “He just takes me for granted.” “No one in this house appreciates me!” “My boss never tells me I’m doing a good job.” “My parents don’t acknowledge the extra things I do!”

Maybe you spent the better part of your day fixing your husband his favorite meal and baked a special dessert and he never said a thing. It was business as usual when he got in from work. Now, you’re upset and the pathway to “He doesn’t appreciate me,” is wide open. But if you do it because you love God and you know it's pleasing to Him to show your husband love by fixing this meal, then you’re not so fast to feel taken for granted because it was all about God in the first place. Maybe he had a bad day at work?

When you do something special in your home and your husband or kids don’t notice; does that upset you? Why? Is it because you need them to acknowledge your hard work? But if we do it because we are grateful to the Lord for our home and desire to be a good steward over it, then shouldn’t that be enough? 

Yes, it should.

The same goes for buying Christmas gifts or any of the other million things we do for people. Buy it because you love them and want them to have it. If you have any other motivation other than that—don’t get it. No one asked you to get up at 2am to stand outside in the cold and shop the deals. Therefore, when their response to the gift is not what you wanted, don’t get upset…it was your choice.

As Believers, we are to work in excellence on our jobs and if our natural boss never compliments us in anyway, remember it is our ultimate Boss who sees it all and is our rewarder. 

Being grateful or ungrateful is definitely a condition of the heart… “Above everything else, guard your heart; for it is the source of life’s consequences.” Proverbs 4:23 (CJB) or a more familiar translation, “Keep your heart with all diligence. For out of it spring the issues of life.” (NKJ)

When we desire validation from man, it’s never a win-win. When we give power for compliments to lift us up then the absences or lack of them can pull us down. But, when we do it as unto the Lord (for God’s pleasure), then man’s attitude toward us is not what matters.

The next time you catch yourself saying or thinking, “They’re so ungrateful! No one appreciates the things I do!” remember God’s great love toward us and how ungrateful and unappreciative we can be when it comes to the things He does. It’s called, “Unconditional love”!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie

Tit for Tat!

I think we are all familiar with the term, “tit for tat” because somewhere in our lives we have been a tit for tatter. Or to put it more simply—petty!

Paul tells us how to behave as Christians and petty is not part of the scenario. In fact we are not to repay evil for evil and we overcome evil by doing good and a lot more. (Romans 12:9-21) click to read

For years when I read this scripture, I mostly thought of the big things people do or have done to me, but the truth of the matter is…all sin has little foxes in it.

Tit for tat or pettiness are the little foxes of repaying evil for evil. But the consequences can be huge, because it gives the devil a foothold and that always ends up poorly for us.

Years ago while in full-time ministry, my youngest daughter and I had to live with a younger married couple for a few months. It turned out to be my first experience witnessing how pettiness can bring unhappiness and havoc to a marriage. (Happy to say, they are still married and have a lovely family.)

Their house was a two-story home with a basement where the dryer was. It wasn’t unusual for me to find it full of dried clothes when I went to use it, so I would not only bring the clothes up to the main floor but I folded them. I was trying to lend a helping hand, since they both worked and had a toddler.

But because they had the problem of “You should do this because I do this!” syndrome, they would argue over who should take the basket of folded clothes upstairs to the bedroom. And it got so bad that they would take out what they needed and still leave the basket with clothing on the first floor.

Sin, has a way of convincing us we are right (even when we are so wrong) and blinding us to the blessings at hand. You see, they missed the blessing of the clothes being folded and one level closer to the bedroom, and especially the wife, because laundry seemed to be her chore. And needless to say the day she told me her husband didn’t like the way I folded his socks, was the last day I helped with laundry. 

Pettiness—keeps a record. Tit for tat—encourages you to payback.

“I’ve put out the trash the last three times.” “I wash your dirty dishes in the sink, but you wash yours and leave mine!” “You never clean the lint filter in the dryer.” “I always take the things you put on the steps upstairs, but you walk right past mine.” And as the record grows, so does the temptation to repay.

“Hum, that stuff can sit on the stairs forever; I’m not taking it up!” “From now on, I’m only washing my stuff in the sink!” “The trash can sit until it runs over and stinks up the whole house, I’m still not taking it out!” 

But this doesn’t only happen in our home lives, it’s in our workplace, family gatherings, college dorms and church.

Sin, is everywhere.

We can’t run from it! Can’t hide from it! But we do have authority over it.

To be petty or try to give as good as you get, is a spirit that controls a lot of saints. I used to be a very petty person. It would rise up the moment I felt I was being taken advantage of. (And don’t think I still don’t struggle from time-to-time with those feelings—because I do.) But as I began to grow in the Word, Jesus showed me how following His way leads to a better quality of life.

We have all had someone in our lives who is always asking for favors or help and the one time we’ve gone to them—it’s not convenient.  And what was one of the first things that came to mind? “Next time they ask me to do something for them, the answer is going to be, No!” Or we stop answering their calls for a few days? Yup, that is pettiness at its finest. We not only can feel this way about a friend, but also our spouse, and even our own children. Feeling used or underappreciated (self) can really bring up some nasty stuff in us.

The key to putting a petty spirit in a coffin and nailing it shut, “Aka” making sure it is dead and buried are to—do things to please the Lord—and stop keeping a record of what we have done or what someone else has not done. Obedience and love are key!

Take for example the couple I described, if just one of them had picked up the basket and taken the clothes up on their way to the bedroom, so many arguments and wrong attitudes would not have been part of their evenings after a long day at work.

Proverbs tells us a wise woman builds her house up, and a foolish one tears it down with her own hands. Therefore the wife could have looked at things from a couple of different perspectives. Even though her husband came home before her and would walk right past the laundry basket, she could have been grateful the clothes were folded and taken them up. And even if she felt her husband should have taken them up, a wise woman would have not wanted the argument and taken them up to keep the peace—for blessed is the peacemaker. And though she might have felt underappreciated and overworked she should have picked up the basket if only to please God!

One last thought on the subject—she was more than blessed that she didn’t have to spend her weekends or evenings in a Laundromat.

And yes, the husband could have so easily picked up the basket of clothing and taken them upstairs as well…but I’m talking to you ladies, so we will leave him to be in a brother’s blog telling men to how love on their wives and what have you. ~Smile~

But keeping a record of what she did and what he didn’t do became a source of contention for them both. 

Funny thing though, when I started putting their clothes back in the dryer when I was finished, they stopped arguing about the basket. The clothes just stayed in the dryer for days (not the baby’s clothing) and they would each walk all the way to the basement to get things they needed. Until finally the wife brought them up.

No matter how long she tried to hold out, she still ended up bringing them up from the basement and folding them anyhow. The trickery and illusion of sin!

We are not responsible for what others do. And even if you are in a marriage where you feel your husband should help out more around the house, or with the kids, until God changes his heart and mind, He still requires you to respond according to His Word.

You want to see God move quickly in your marriage or other areas of life—do things His way and it will happen!

I’m not saying your husband will change or your circumstances will change. But I guarantee you will change and start doing things differently, and that is all that really matters.

Sisters, let’s put our petty childish ways behind us, and be adult about things. When tempted to be petty in the way you handle a situation—let the Word of God and the Holy Spirit have reign and let your response be in love and obedience. Amen!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie

What We All Have In Common

A week ago today, (Tuesday) a young woman (I’ll call her Doris) in my development committed suicide.

Around 4:10am, I was awakened by loud noises and a man’s voice under my bedroom window.  The noise was coming from an idling ambulance and what I thought one of the drivers talking on a phone. I didn’t think too much of it because there are a couple of elderly people in the complex, so I jumped back in bed, said a prayer and dozed off. But, I could still hear voices and a lot of commotion. I got up again and stayed at the window until I could figure out what was going on.

Finally I realized someone had passed. And the man talking was a police officer and not an ambulance driver, because it was gone. At 5:35am they wheeled a body bag along the path from the woods in front of my home. For a fleeting moment I thought of Doris, because men were walking up to her condo which was in the opposite direction, but I brushed it off. I found out several hours later it was her and she had shot herself at one of the trees in the woods. The paper delivery man had found her body.

The news grieved me deeply.

We met this summer one night while sitting on my neighbor’s patio. She loved walking on the side where the woods were. She shared it was a time to have some peace in the evening. As time went on I had the privilege to pray with her and encourage her in the Lord concerning the troubles in her life. She was attending church and had accepted Christ as her savior.

My biggest regret was that she had not come to the place in her Christian walk to understand all the Messiah had done on the Cross, and that she could be delivered from the demons that haunted her. To only be in her late 30’s she had lived a very turbulent life for most of those 30 something years.

A few days ago I had the pleasure to meet a woman (I’ll call her Amy) who shared her very hard life with me. She has spent time in jail for killing the father of her children (in self-defense of a brutal beating). There has been a lot of abuse and drug use in her life.

She also talked about how weighed down she had been with the guilt of killing another human being, and recently her pastor shared one Sunday how his father had killed his mother and God’s great forgiveness! Amy went to him with her story and as he laid hands and prayed for her, she felt the power of forgiveness takeover and the burden of guilt lift from her body! Now that is a testimony for sure!

An hour or so after this conversation, the subject of people becoming angels after they die came up. And as I was sharing with another friend how heaven really works and that is not true, Amy jumped up and said, “Well, my mother is an angel!” For a moment I was stunned, but then I remembered from our earlier conversation, she doesn’t really read the Bible.

How can one not know there is no redemption for angels and that God created Hell for satan and all the fallen angles, except they do not know the Bible?

How is it that Christians commit suicide because of hopelessness and demonic forces, except they don’t know the power of the Cross?

In trying to look through the eyes of someone coming to church looking for help, I would have to say that so many churches are failing, in the aspect of teaching new Believers the fundamentals of the Cross and salvation they need to know.

People who have been held captive by drugs and alcohol need to know that Jesus took captivity captive and that drugs and alcohol no longer have authority over them. Or any other sin for that matter.

We are hearing too many light weight congregational professions during services; we need to hear more of “I’m free by the Blood of the Cross!” “Sin no longer has authority over me!” We need to have the babes, say this every Sunday and began to wonder what does this really mean, versus having them looking for checks in the mail.

Please, I do not want anyone who has gone through a 12 step program to get upset about what I am about to say, but this is a program (though it has helped people), that goes against the Word of God.

When you go to an AA (Alcohol Anonymous) or NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meeting, one of the first things you must say is, “Hi I’m Suzy and I’m an alcoholic or I’m a drug abuser!” And even if you have been clean for 10 years, you will still speak this over yourself whenever you attend a meeting. That is what goes against the Word, because there is power in our words and to continue to profess day in and day out that you are still something that you are not, is not the finished work that was done for us on the Cross.

But we can’t put it all on the churches, because too many us don’t read or study the Bible, so we can know things on our own.

What is it we all have in common? We all have a common need to know the God of the Bible and exactly what the Finished work of the Cross is! Because this is where our hope and power for a victorious life lies. If we never, ever, receive a check in the mail, a better paying job or any of that other stuff…we all need to know what we have in Christ Jesus!

I shared these two stories today, because too many of us in the Kingdom are still struggling with the same old sins and issues in our lives. We are miserable, and in many cases feeling hopeless and living on half truths and fiction—versus what is truth.

Sisters it is time to grow up and experience victory in our lives! Times are changing and it is time to get into the Word, and share with others as you see them struggling.

As daughters of the King, it is our duty to spread the gospel of the Kingdom of God. Even if it’s only one person at a time!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie

Looking For God!

Many of us are familiar with the verse, “And I am sure of this: that the One who began a good work among you will keep it growing until it is completed on the Day of the Messiah Yeshua.” Philippians 1:6 (CJB)

A more popular translation is, “being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” (NKJV)

But what I’ve found is I can sometimes get so familiar with a scripture I forget its living and continues to deepen and expand in meaning.

After living the past 4 years in a house with my oldest daughter, 4 grandchildren and my youngest daughter (when home from college), our family dynamics changed drastically this past summer.

My oldest daughter moved and got married. My youngest moved to Honduras and I became a roommate—big adjustments for everyone.

Truthfully though, I thought mine would be the easiest transition of all. But that has not been the case.

Having strangers live with me over the years (at a moment’s notice) and living the past 4 years, with four adorable noisy (sometimes downright loud) grandchildren, I figured it would be an easy transition. Also, God knew I needed a well deserved break from it all and a nice quiet place to write the final touches on my book. This was going to be a piece of cake—so I thought.

Once my youngest shipped off to Honduras and I began to settle in, I found my living situation to be nothing like I had hoped or envisioned.

Old familiar feelings began to arise and I found myself wanting to respond in old ways.

While talking to my dear friend and mentor about my situation, I made the statement, “I thought God would give me a break.” “If you needed a break, then a break is what you would have gotten.” was her response. Though it stung for a minute it was the truth. We’ve been friend’s a long time, no more beating around the bush. She knows me well enough to know, I was on my way down the wrong rabbit hole and she was there to warn and help redirect me. (If you don’t have a godly friend such as that, please spend time praying for one.)

She reminded me there are times the lesson is not complete and a break will not come before God’s end result is achieved.

Since the feelings were familiar, it meant that something old was coming to the surface and I needed to take a look at that, versus looking at my circumstances around me.

Well, long story short—I am still having trust issues with God given the right mix of elements.

Though I know God loves me, I can still struggle with the reality of His love, especially when I feel He has put me in a situation (not of my own doing) that doesn’t seem fair or is not comfortable.

But here’s the thing—He’s going to keep working on the good work He has begun in us, no matter how old we get or how long we have walked with Him.

I had somehow convinced myself it was going to be smooth sailing from here on. After all—I had paid my dues—now it was my time.

Wrong again!

People are personality types that we can never escape. And God uses these personalities to help expose the hidden things of our hearts. Selfish personalities always remind me of my mother. Takers and thoughtless people do too. People who give under the guise of being generous when really in truth keep a record and think you owe them, reminds me of an aunt. Manipulators and controllers are also personality types who bring up old feelings related to my childhood. And as a child I learned to shutdown and cut people off. But as children of the King, He wants us to be free. Not keeping people at bay and trying to protect ourselves.

I allowed the disappointment of my new living arrangements to start stealing my joy and here lies the reason God didn’t allow a break. If things were all rosy and comfortable as I had hoped, I would not have seen this particular area that needs work and be able to make the adjustment.

Sisters, our joy should never be contingent on our circumstances and I knew this, but given the right mix of circumstances—I forgot!

I forgot to look for God versus look at the circumstances and how it made me feel. I forgot that God has already been in all my todays and all my tomorrows and has made provision for all situations.

Living the life of a Believer can be very challenging and at times hard! But, as long as we have the right perspective and the Word of God in our hearts—we will always come out on the other side of whatever it is we face in victory.

Disappointments are a huge part of life. We face them in our marriages, love relationships, with our children, jobs, friends, churches and even ourselves.

The best way to face and handle life’s disappointments is…

…look for God in all of them.

And without a doubt—He will be there!

Remembering that God is completing a good work in us and believing with all our heart, Romans 8:28, “All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” is a great start!

But we just can’t pull scripture out of the Bible and stand without doing what it says we must do. If we are not reading and studying the Word of God, then how can we really love Him? It’s a requirement to get to know Him and know what He expects from us as His daughters. It is impossible to live a life of victory and one that pleases the Father if we don’t have any idea as to how it works.

Maybe you are in a place where you are finding it difficult to be joyous. If that is so, it’s time to change your perspective on the situation and look for God and the good in it.

The subtitle to Barbara Johnson’s book, Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy, was, “Pain is inevitable but misery is an option.”  And she was one who should know, she lived through a lot of pain and sorrow in her Christian life, but through it all came to know that for the Believer, “misery” is an option that we choose or not!

God takes our pain and suffering and uses it to grow us, so that we may not only live a victorious life here on this earth, but also help others do the same. We live in a world of sin and bad things happen every day, but He can use it all for good. We just have to keep looking for Him.

My living circumstances haven’t changed much and probably won’t before I leave. But I can rejoice because His love for me is using it for my good.

When life changes hit you hard, don’t forget to look for God and the good that is going to somehow come!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie