Self!

Did you know that a person can be very generous and very selfish at the same time? Yes! It’s true. And especially when you have the gift of helps or giving. We can function very well in our God given gifts and still be lacking desperately in other areas. And this is why we need not allow ourselves to be puffed up concerning our gifts, because they do not negate the other messes in our lives.

Selfishness as an adjective has several different meanings when you look at it from the viewpoint of a person, action or motive. But today I’m coming from the characteristic of self-centeredness, being self-absorbed and wrapped up in oneself.

At this point, I’m sure that some of you are already naming someone in your life who fits these criteria. In fact—it might even be you.

Do you know a person who can always make any situation or occasion about them? Have you ever been at a wedding shower and there's someone who talks the entire time about how wonderful their wedding shower was? You’re out to dinner in a group, but there’s one person who has a way of always bringing the conversation back to them?

Sure you have. We all have. In fact I might be talking about you.

I think the problem today is that we are raising a generation of selfish kids. We’ve bought into the so called “American dream” and spend money we don’t have in order that our children can have the things we didn’t have or to pacify our need to “keep up with the Jones”! And especially at Christmas time. We go into debt for the latest tablet, phone or gaming unit. Or if we really don’t have a way to purchase these things, we feel sad and deprived.

There is a car commercial, which shows three kids (friends) sitting in the backseat with tablets and headphones watching a movie. They go to another car and they can’t connect to the movie. Then the man asks, “Who wants to go back to the car with WiFi?” And they all chime in, “We do!” Every time I see this commercial I feel sad, because I remember as a kid riding in the backseat with my cousins talking, laughing and playing games. But here you have two girls and a boy around the ages of 8 – 10 and there is no communication or interaction with one another. This is the lifestyle we are being sold.

So, now we see that some adults are raised and groomed to be selfish beings, but what about all the others? My mother was a very selfish and self-centered woman. Was she raised to be that way? No, but life circumstances had a helping hand. My mother came from a family of 10 children and she was the 7^th child. They were very poor; her dad ran off with another woman and left my grandmother and the kids. The older ones either went into the service or didn’t go past 8^th grade because they had to work. My mother lost her mother at the tender age of 16 and life got even harder.

As an adult my mother did the minimal for me and didn’t have a problem with it. She would write notes on food in the refrigerator such as, “Keep your damn hands off!” I would need shoes and she had a closet full. She was all about herself. Did this damage me? Yes it did! And it has been the root of much healing and work over the years. In fact I am really just now getting to the point that when I meet her personality type (which I do a lot in the Body) it no longer dredges up old stuff for me. But her life showed how people become selfish and self-absorbed because there is a deep hurt or lack in them. My mother had two failed marriages—never felt loved and cared for—so she cared for herself the best way she knew how.

Like many people today, her self-worth was wrapped up in what she did. She had no problem letting you know that she was an educated black woman, well read and traveled extensively. She had her opinions and was very dismissive of others. She was not warm, helpful or ingratiating and in the end, the only thing that stopped her from being a lonely old lady was that she had sisters who loved her, two daughters and grandchildren. I am happy to share that a few weeks before my mother passed, she accepted Christ. Amen!

Since my mother was not generous or giving, I found it to be very confusing when I met people who would help you in a heartbeat if there was a need, yet on the other hand reminded me so much of my mother. (And not just women, but men too.) It wasn’t until I realized how well we function in the gifts allotted, but it doesn’t negate the other messes in our lives. We all have stuff that needs to be worked on.

Most people who were not raised to be selfish and self-centered but are—are people who have been hurt deeply one way or another. But you know what sisters; that is not an excuse for us in the Kingdom.

If you are one who is always talking about yourself, your kids or husband and no one else can get a word in—it is time to take a look at why that is. If you are dismissive to others and their opinions and point of view—it’s time to take a look at why you feel this way. If you find that you have difficulty with other women to the point you feel you do better with male friends versus female friends—you need to take a long hard look at that! If you are so self-absorbed with what you do and where you’ve been and not those around you—you have a problem.

It’s true the root of selfishness can come from past hurts in our lives, but pride is always the fertilizer that makes that flower bloom to its fullest.

We all struggle with “self” but some of us are so consumed with ourselves and our lives it is stagnating, and  a huge problem for the Kingdom. Self-centeredness puts a wedge between us and the King—and other people. But the pride it's wrapped in doesn’t allow us to clearly see this, and we are duped into thinking we are okay. Today's picture reflects how I have felt inside after listening to someone go on-and-on about themselves or family after an hour or so.

If you felt a little twinge when you read this, but really don’t know what to do with it…try meditating on, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3) What does it really mean to value others higher than myself? What is selfish ambition? Why do I have the need to talk about myself and what I do so much? Why do I feel my life is so much more important than anyone else? Why am I rude and dismissive in my attitude toward others?

You might have someone in your life who meets the criteria of being self-absorbed...pray for them.

Sisters, the cure for anything that ails us—is in the Good Book! Study it out...Amen!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie