Self!

Did you know that a person can be very generous and very selfish at the same time? Yes! It’s true. And especially when you have the gift of helps or giving. We can function very well in our God given gifts and still be lacking desperately in other areas. And this is why we need not allow ourselves to be puffed up concerning our gifts, because they do not negate the other messes in our lives.

Selfishness as an adjective has several different meanings when you look at it from the viewpoint of a person, action or motive. But today I’m coming from the characteristic of self-centeredness, being self-absorbed and wrapped up in oneself.

At this point, I’m sure that some of you are already naming someone in your life who fits these criteria. In fact—it might even be you.

Do you know a person who can always make any situation or occasion about them? Have you ever been at a wedding shower and there's someone who talks the entire time about how wonderful their wedding shower was? You’re out to dinner in a group, but there’s one person who has a way of always bringing the conversation back to them?

Sure you have. We all have. In fact I might be talking about you.

I think the problem today is that we are raising a generation of selfish kids. We’ve bought into the so called “American dream” and spend money we don’t have in order that our children can have the things we didn’t have or to pacify our need to “keep up with the Jones”! And especially at Christmas time. We go into debt for the latest tablet, phone or gaming unit. Or if we really don’t have a way to purchase these things, we feel sad and deprived.

There is a car commercial, which shows three kids (friends) sitting in the backseat with tablets and headphones watching a movie. They go to another car and they can’t connect to the movie. Then the man asks, “Who wants to go back to the car with WiFi?” And they all chime in, “We do!” Every time I see this commercial I feel sad, because I remember as a kid riding in the backseat with my cousins talking, laughing and playing games. But here you have two girls and a boy around the ages of 8 – 10 and there is no communication or interaction with one another. This is the lifestyle we are being sold.

So, now we see that some adults are raised and groomed to be selfish beings, but what about all the others? My mother was a very selfish and self-centered woman. Was she raised to be that way? No, but life circumstances had a helping hand. My mother came from a family of 10 children and she was the 7^th child. They were very poor; her dad ran off with another woman and left my grandmother and the kids. The older ones either went into the service or didn’t go past 8^th grade because they had to work. My mother lost her mother at the tender age of 16 and life got even harder.

As an adult my mother did the minimal for me and didn’t have a problem with it. She would write notes on food in the refrigerator such as, “Keep your damn hands off!” I would need shoes and she had a closet full. She was all about herself. Did this damage me? Yes it did! And it has been the root of much healing and work over the years. In fact I am really just now getting to the point that when I meet her personality type (which I do a lot in the Body) it no longer dredges up old stuff for me. But her life showed how people become selfish and self-absorbed because there is a deep hurt or lack in them. My mother had two failed marriages—never felt loved and cared for—so she cared for herself the best way she knew how.

Like many people today, her self-worth was wrapped up in what she did. She had no problem letting you know that she was an educated black woman, well read and traveled extensively. She had her opinions and was very dismissive of others. She was not warm, helpful or ingratiating and in the end, the only thing that stopped her from being a lonely old lady was that she had sisters who loved her, two daughters and grandchildren. I am happy to share that a few weeks before my mother passed, she accepted Christ. Amen!

Since my mother was not generous or giving, I found it to be very confusing when I met people who would help you in a heartbeat if there was a need, yet on the other hand reminded me so much of my mother. (And not just women, but men too.) It wasn’t until I realized how well we function in the gifts allotted, but it doesn’t negate the other messes in our lives. We all have stuff that needs to be worked on.

Most people who were not raised to be selfish and self-centered but are—are people who have been hurt deeply one way or another. But you know what sisters; that is not an excuse for us in the Kingdom.

If you are one who is always talking about yourself, your kids or husband and no one else can get a word in—it is time to take a look at why that is. If you are dismissive to others and their opinions and point of view—it’s time to take a look at why you feel this way. If you find that you have difficulty with other women to the point you feel you do better with male friends versus female friends—you need to take a long hard look at that! If you are so self-absorbed with what you do and where you’ve been and not those around you—you have a problem.

It’s true the root of selfishness can come from past hurts in our lives, but pride is always the fertilizer that makes that flower bloom to its fullest.

We all struggle with “self” but some of us are so consumed with ourselves and our lives it is stagnating, and  a huge problem for the Kingdom. Self-centeredness puts a wedge between us and the King—and other people. But the pride it's wrapped in doesn’t allow us to clearly see this, and we are duped into thinking we are okay. Today's picture reflects how I have felt inside after listening to someone go on-and-on about themselves or family after an hour or so.

If you felt a little twinge when you read this, but really don’t know what to do with it…try meditating on, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3) What does it really mean to value others higher than myself? What is selfish ambition? Why do I have the need to talk about myself and what I do so much? Why do I feel my life is so much more important than anyone else? Why am I rude and dismissive in my attitude toward others?

You might have someone in your life who meets the criteria of being self-absorbed...pray for them.

Sisters, the cure for anything that ails us—is in the Good Book! Study it out...Amen!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie

Learning to Forgive Ourselves Quickly

Forgiveness is a tough one, but essential to the wellbeing of the Believer.

Forgive as God has forgiven you! Forgive your brother or sister, 70 times 70! Love holds no record of wrong! Forgive, forgive….FORGIVE!!
 

Jesus is serious about our love walk and commands we forgive no matter how hennas the infraction. But we often skim over that this forgiveness—includes forgiving ourselves.

Salvation is all about “Forgiveness and Reconciliation.”

Once we come to the realization that we are sinners in great need of the redeeming power of the Cross and accept Christ as our Savior—we are forgiven! Forgiven of what? EVERYTHING!

Not only are we forgiven of all poor decisions, poor choices, and mistakes, but all transgressions against God and others! And God puts them in the sea of forgetfulness, which translates into—never remembered!

But somehow, this truth is quickly lost. Why? Well, for starters, we have an enemy who loves to play the tapes of our faults and sin over-and-over for us and then there are those who relish in dredging up our past.

When I first became serious about Jesus being Lord of my life (There is a difference between being Savior versus also being Lord.), I realized I would have to learn how to forgive. I wasn’t happy about this, because I loved being the martyr of having a mother who was abusive. It had been my reason (excuse) for years for my bad behavior and foolish choices and decisions. It was my comfort zone. If I had to forgive and let go, then who would I blame for all my problems?

Forgiveness meant, no more, “Woe is me,” and “I’m so misunderstood” and “No one has ever really loved me,” saga. Nope. Forgiveness doesn’t allow for any of that—and I didn’t like that part of it—at all! Well, not at first, but once I understood the truth about forgiveness, I was willing to try. Partly out of obedience but also because there was something in it for me—Freedom!

Learning to forgive someone who beat you down in your spirit and self-esteem, year-after-year, and having to take a close look at your own poor life changing decisions is not easy. But it is not impossible either. Anything God commands us to do He provides all that is needed to accomplish it.

It would be great if I had an overnight success story for you, but I don’t. Forgiveness of old hurts often takes time to work through, but once we learn to forgive it becomes easier to do.

Now that I am in my 60’s and have walked with the Lord awhile, I have learned the great value forgiveness holds for us. God’s Word, reassures me that He forgives me when I ask and keeps no record of it against me. He also forgives me as I forgive others. And I’ve learned from experience—the quicker I do it—the better off I am.

I love God! I am trying to live a life that pleases Him and love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength according to my understanding. But you know what—I still mess up! But I no longer dwell on whatever it is I’ve done wrong. I forgive myself as my Father in heaven forgives me and I keep on moving forward.

On this earth—in this body—we are going to make mistakes and mess up! That’s life! But, we cannot waste time beating ourselves up about it when God says; “We are forgiven!”

If we do something ten times that is wrong and go to God ten times to ask His forgiveness He doesn’t say, “Now this is the tenth time, don’t come back again.” He doesn’t remind us that we did it last month and now here we are again. No, it’s as if it is the first time.

He holds no record.

Please do not misinterpret what I am talking about here. I’m not saying that if we practice sin (purpose in our hearts to do wrong) that God is going to give us a free pass—oh no! I’m not saying you can continue to be disrespectful to your spouse, yell and cuss at your kids and neighbors without making change in your life. But you might have to come before God for disrespecting your husband ten times or more, before you get a handle on bringing your tongue and attitude under the authority of Christ and be submissive to your husband. And in those times, our enemy will step in and try to condemn you and attempt to make you feel like a failure and unworthy. Just remember…he is the father of all lies!

Past mistakes and poor decisions, which have affected not only us but the lives of others—is a biggie! Everyone is not willing to forgive or forget the things we have done—including our children. Yes, there are those who try to keep us hostage in the prison of unforgiveness when God has said, “It is forgiven and it is forgotten!” You know what sisters, that’s their problem, not yours.

Forgiveness of others and ourselves is one of the keys we are given in the Kingdom of God, therefore—be quick to agree with Him—and forgive not only those who have wronged you, but also yourself!

If you are not sure how to go about forgiving yourself, Biblegateway.com is a great place to start. Type in “forg” and at least 7 different words drop down in reference to forgiveness—search out some of those scriptures and begin to meditate on them. Talk to God about it!

Look in the mirror and say, “I love you and I hope one day you forgive me my mistakes!” until you are able to say, "I love you and I forgive you!"

Emotional healing is yours. Don’t pass it up!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie

I Wish My ________ Knew!

A third-grade teacher at a Denver elementary school decided to try to get to know her students better—most of whom come from low-income families—and gave them a writing assignment in which she hoped they would reveal something about themselves. Kyle Schwartz called the activity, “I wish my teacher knew”—and she wound up learning more than she thought.

“Ninety-two percent of our students quality for free and reduced lunch. As a new teacher, I struggled to understand the reality of my student’s lives and how to best support them. I just felt like there was something I didn’t know about my students.”

Here are a few of the responses—“I wish my teacher knew, I don’t have a friend to play with me”—“I wish my teacher knew how much I miss my dad, because he got deported back to Mexico when I was 3 years old and I haven’t seen him in 6 years.”—“ I wish my teacher knew sometimes my reading log is not signed because my mom is not around a lot.”

As I listened to the video and read the responses it made me think about my sisters-in-Christ. (Not the children we can look at and see they are children, but the adults who are little children spiritually.)

Being in the ministry of helping women and children in crisis, I’ve heard many secrets. And it has taught me that everyone has a story—but we in the Body don't always think about that when it comes to others.

There are underline reasons people are negative, unkind and have personality traits that are off putting.  But how often do we take the time to really look before we respond or judge?

Not being judgmental is something we have to really work at because it does not come naturally.

You see a sister who has been a part of your church congregation for the past 8 years, and in that time you have seen little growth in her. As time passes it’s hard not to make a judgment call on her, after all she has been there for 8 years! But what if she wrote one day, “I wish my sisters-in-Christ knew, that my husband abuses me and I live in terror.” What would you think then? Would you still shake your head in dismay at her or would you want to help her be safe?

What about the sister who has 5 kids, by 5 different men? Suppose she wrote, “I wish my sisters knew that I was taught that sex meant love at age 12 when my brother and his friends started having sex with me.” Would you still think she is a slut or would you want to help her to be healed, and to know who she is in Christ Jesus so that her children could grow up and be free?

“I wish my sisters knew, I grew up hungry all the time and that is why I am 80 lbs overweight.” “I wish my sisters knew I was raped by my father and forced to have an abortion when I was impregnated by him.” I wish my sisters knew that my childhood was hell because my mother was an alcoholic.” “I wish my sisters knew I grew up in the midst of mental illness.” “I wish my sisters knew I can barely read.”

“I wish my sisters knew that I grew up mostly homeless and living in the streets” “I wish my sisters knew I struggle with unnatural affections toward other women.” “I wish my sisters knew I hear voices telling me to kill myself.” “I wish my sisters knew my husband beat me last night.” “I wish my sisters knew my husband berates me daily and spits in my face.” “I wish my sisters knew that I have Aids.” “I wish my sisters knew I am so depressed most days I just want to die.” “I wish my sisters knew I don’t really know who Jesus is.” “I wish my sisters knew that I don’t know how to trust a God who let so many bad things happen to me.”

I wish my sisters knew…..

Makeup, nice clothes, shoes and a beautiful hairdo are only the jacket cover of the book, what is going on in the inside can be the story of a broken and hurt little child who has found it difficult to trust and grow in the Lord. So, what can we do about this?

Pray.

When we begin to see certain underline characteristics in our sisters, we should pray for them.

I have a spiritual sister in my life that is always negative, and complaining…never seeing any good in life, yet she says she is a Believer. I had become frustrated with her, because there seems to be no growth and she wears me out with her “woe is me” and never seems to adhere to any godly wisdom or encouragement I offer. But then I was reminded that I was moving into judgment and not praying for her and the strongholds that have rule in her life.

It is so easy to label, form an opinion or judge one another, but love demands that we not do that.

If you have someone in your life who you feel like giving up on, or have moved from compassion to frustration—(click) I Corinthians 13:4-8a as a reminder of how to handle the situation.

It is not that prayer itself changes things (all religions pray—even Muslim extremist) it is the One that we pray too, (God, creator of everything) that makes the changes in the hearts and minds of people. He is the One.

If you could write anonymously “I wish my ______ knew” what would it be? Would it help them to see you in a more compassionate light?

God puts people in our path so we can pray for them—not judge—not condemn—but pray.

Therefore, if you have a sister in your life that you have judged, ask God’s forgiveness and begin to diligently pray for her…and yourself too. Amen!

Until next week...

Blessings and Hugs,

Ponnie